1, the company has a new young woman, good figure, beautiful looks, full of charm, I heard that the divorce was not long ago. I took a fancy to her at first sight, and after three weeks of chasing her, she finally agreed to be me

1, the company has a new young woman, good figure, beautiful looks, full of charm, I heard that the divorce was not long ago. I took a fancy to her at first sight, chased her for three weeks, and she finally agreed to be my girlfriend. Yesterday and my girlfriend went shopping, on the road met a man, looking very obscene, he stared at us both, saw his dirty eyes, I was suddenly angry, shouted at him, look at your sister! Unexpectedly, at this time, a scene against the sky appeared, and my girlfriend's eyes lit up and she shouted: Brother! How do you come shopping, my God, it turned out to be her old brother, this is really a big water washed away the Dragon King Temple, my face brushed red, my girlfriend's brother patted me on the shoulder, smiled and said, to their girlfriend so tight, good, I appreciate you! After saying goodbye to her, when I got to my house, I watched horror movies with my proposed girlfriend, and of course I was happy to watch horror movies with her. A film has not been finished, bang bang, heard someone knocking on the door, a look at the girlfriend girlfriend, I called her to watch a horror movie with us, after the movie, her girlfriend paled and said that she was scared to see it, tonight I must have my girlfriend sleep with her. I sighed, I am doing my own evil, I can't live! Hang as high as Haman!

2. When I was in junior high school, the director of our department was an old man who thanked the top, a bit of a woman, as long as there was no one to train people for an hour, you could not walk out of his office. Because his mouth is so big, everyone calls him "catfish" behind his back. In fact, some people also gave him a small report and said that we gave him this nickname, but he kept putting up with it and didn't say anything. This night's self-study, the sound of our class chatting was particularly loud, and the head of the department slowly walked into our classroom!! I sat in the doorway and watched him walk in nervously, and politely shouted, "Hello Catfish Teacher!" ”

3. When I was a child, I took a compass and plugged it into the wick of a table lamp, and the wolfdog kicked its dog basin when it ate. Climb 20 meters of trees to pick bird eggs, light fire stools at home, and make holes in the newly frozen river in winter to fry fish. There is nothing to climb on the roof and jump down to practice light exercises, and after the rain, run to the grove to dig up various mushroom soups to eat. Roll down the stairs to practice iron cloth shirts, I am me, different fireworks.

4, everyone says that married men have no dignity, I am different, I say one my wife does not dare to say two! For example, the day before yesterday, when I was visiting the mall, my wife said to me: "Husband, beach pants are only 9 yuan 9, buy you a strip!" I immediately objected: "Wife, I have only worn it for 5 years, it is very new, I can wear it for another 5 years, no need to buy it!" "The wife did not dare to speak on the spot!???"

5, in the morning and the daughter-in-law had a big quarrel, to the evening home from work to see the daughter-in-law did not cook, I sat on the sofa without a word to play mobile phone, want to see who consumes energy. After about half an hour, the daughter-in-law suddenly took the initiative to speak: "Forget it, it's not interesting to be angry, let's go out to dinner." I said "Hmm" with a straight face, and was about to get the key wallet, when my daughter-in-law said, "Don't take it, this time I will please." I was in a much better mood, and when I walked out of the house, I just asked, "Where to eat?" The wife "booed" the door in the house. "

6. Yesterday afternoon, I was working when the manager suddenly called me to the office. When I arrived at the office manager, I asked: I heard that you were very capable of blocking and leading in your previous unit? Talk about it, if there is, I will promote you. I said calmly: I have led several strikes and successfully prevented the unit's overtime, salary cut and other decisions! As a result, I am now an unemployed vagabond again...

7. Yesterday, on Mother's Day, I specially ordered a cake and went back to my mother-in-law's house with my husband for dinner. During the dinner, my sister-in-law suddenly talked to me about her new boyfriend. The little sister-in-law said: "That boy is very good, that is, the hair is a little less, and it is easy to lose hair, I don't know if it will be bald in the future??" I didn't use my brain to say: "Looking for a partner really must meet the other party's father, because a bald nest, hahaha." The husband and his father touched their baldness on the side, and the atmosphere suddenly fell into embarrassment!!?

8, the students of the buddies have a crush on the female table, the family is a cattle farm, the buddies often invite the female table to eat. One day the brothers bought snacks for the female table to eat, and the female table refused. Dude: Why don't you eat it? Lesbian Table: I know why you often invite me to eat. Dude thought to himself: How do you know? The lesbian table went on to say: In the future, if you want to eat beef, come to my house to find me, and I will send you two pounds.

9. My girlfriend was rescued from the septic tank, and she plans to give her life. Girlfriend: Honey, tell me honestly, am I pretty??? Me: That goes without saying that even the four beauties of ancient times are not as beautiful as you. Girlfriend: Last month's engagement bride price my mother only received eight thousand yuan from your family, you say, what does this mean??? Me: This still needs to be asked, is it good and cheap??

10, last week the rich asked the girl who had a crush to eat Western food. She was silently planning to order foie gras and open a bottle of more than a thousand red wines, when the girl said, "I'm sorry, I'll go to the bathroom!" The rich man witnessed the girl's back disappearing and secretly opened the bag she had left in her seat. He glanced at it, then said to the waiter in a dashing manner: "Here are two 48-dollar packages..."

11. When I was a child, I was very good with a little girl in the class, her mother was selling meat steamed buns, crispy and crispy and delicious. One day I refused to leave in front of her mother's stall, wanting to beg for a steamed bun to eat, but her mother was too tight to give, and the girl quietly said to me: I beat you up, and my mother will coax you to eat meat steamed buns. I agreed, and who knew that after the girl beat me up, she punched me in the nose. That day, I was wiping my nose and eating the meat bun, two oh, so worth it!

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