1. On weekends, go back to my mother-in-law's house with my wife, and everyone eats and drinks together, and is very happy. After eating, my mother-in-law came to me with her mobile phone and said: I counted and went, how to bank card

1. On weekends, go back to my mother-in-law's house with my wife, and everyone eats and drinks together, and is very happy. After eating, my mother-in-law came to me with her mobile phone and said: I count it, why is there still 200 yuan less on the bank card? I remember I didn't spend the money, you check it out for me. I said it was possible dad took it. The mother-in-law said that it was impossible, and if he took it, he should be reminded by sms message. I laughed and said, what is impossible about this, so I took her mobile phone and showed it to her, transferred a dollar to me on her mobile phone, and then deleted the transaction records, SMS reminders and other clues, a series of actions are very numb. Is it the mother-in-law who looked back at me with a smile and said: It seems that you have done a lot of this, and you are not a good thing? Hey, it's really clever, but I was mistaken by cleverness, and I went home and had to kneel on the washboard...

2. After taking the driver's license, I have not bought a car because I have no money! Once borrowed a friend's bread, prepared it for the next day, and parked it in front of the house. As a result, the next day the failure, let the friend come to see what is going on, he said that there is something, just do not come. After a day, there was no fire, so I found a car to tow it to the repair shop, and the master said, "It's time to change the battery." I called a friend and he said, "You change." I just spent 400 yuan to change the battery, and he came and said, "I'm going to use the car first, so I won't lend it to you." "Then the battery car money is not given to me... Co-author I just gave him a free battery change!

3 I went to a company interview, the interview for me is actually a 40-year-old young woman, this young woman is very beautiful, the charm is still there, I stared at her for half a day, she snorted, said how can you be so rude? I smiled and said, beautiful and delicious, you look so beautiful, I want to marry you home, be my wife, she said with a smile, you are only in your early 20s, I can be your mother, I said with a hippie smile, what does it matter? Love knows no age or border! As long as you like me and I like you, we can't be impossible together, right? She nodded and said, OKAY, I have to ask my husband, he is the chairman of this company, I don't know if he agrees or not? So I slipped away!

4 When I returned home from a month's business trip, my daughter-in-law did not show welcome, but asked me to go down and throw away the garbage. After three years of mixing in the strip area, I certainly understood what was going on. Immediately, all the doors and windows were locked, and the wardrobe was also locked. Before leaving, he burned a pot of carbon in the bedroom, and then dragged his wife out. Brothers, there should be no shortage of anything, right? "

5, on the long-distance bus, overheard a woman anxiously saying: My son wants to pee, who has an empty bottle, borrow me to use it! When I saw no one squeaking, I put most of the half bottle of drink in my hand to my mouth, lifted my head and drank it all, and then handed the bottle to her. After more than twenty minutes, I asked the driver with a look of pain: Master, are you almost at the service area? I can't hold back! At this point, I realized how precious it is to sit long distances and have a bottle in my hand!?

6. When I was in high school, I was a student at the same table, and I could take the top three in the class without revision every exam. I remember a girl in the second class of high school confessing to him: "I like you, I like the way you study hard!" At that time, he was stunned at once, obviously no one had ever confessed to him, and he did not know what to do for a while. So he said, "Let me make a roll to calm down!" ”?

7. A lady, when she returned home, found her husband sleeping with the nanny. To settle the matter, the husband promised to buy his wife a pair of leather pants. In order to show his conversion, the husband had to drive the nanny away. My wife said, "Wait a minute, I still want a fur coat!"

8, I am a rich second generation, my father hated that I had nothing to do at home, so he gave me money to open a small company, I have a secretary, look like a beautiful, unfortunately, she is married. One day the secretary invited me to her son's 100th feast, and sent a photo over, how to look at it all feel that the child's eyes are familiar, find a photo of my childhood, there are eight or nine points similar, what is the situation?? So he attended the banquet with a big gift. The moment I saw the child, I stayed for a while, how is it not like the photo at all?? So I opened my phone and looked at it, it really wasn't like it!! Relieved, I looked around and saw that the male colleagues around me were secretly looking at their phones.

9. I am the school flower of our Shandong Sports Academy, and I am pursued by the rich second generation of the basketball department. After my father knew, he felt that the men's basketball team had no future, and he did not agree with our love affair. This was the first time I came to my house with my boyfriend, and we both walked in the door together and tuo shoes. My dad held his breath and said: Boy, just rush this smell is the same as my girlfriend, people you take away!! "

10. After dinner, I came to a bathhouse near the community, and I asked the girl who sold tickets: Is there a lot of people in the women's bathroom? The girl gave me a blank look and ignored me. I thought my sister didn't hear clearly and asked again. The girl glared at me fiercely and scolded: Neurosis! After I heard it, I said very aggrievedly: I said not to ask, my wife had to ask me...

11 Last night with a beautiful female colleague working overtime, the office is just the two of us, I watched the female colleague may be tired, take off the high heels to the side, may be the night, I looked at the female colleague a little heartwarming, stared at her for half a day. The female colleague also found that I was watching her, she was a little shy, embarrassed to say to me: Brother Wang, can you help me make a cup of coffee? As soon as I saw the opportunity to approach her, I immediately agreed to her request, and when I walked to her to take the water cup, I intentionally or unintentionally touched her hand, she was like touching an open flame, and immediately avoided it, I thought to myself, I was still very shy. I came back and handed her coffee, and seeing that she was tired, I didn't communicate with me much. After a while I walked up to her, deliberately tapped my hand on her shoulder, and asked her: Do you still need coffee? I drank a cup of iced coffee to no avail. At the same time, he suddenly smiled and handed me the water cup again. Later, when I went back, I said to my female colleague: This iced coffee is not refreshing! I've had two drinks and am still sleepy! Female colleague said: Your method is wrong! I thought to myself, deliberately asking: What is the method of drinking iced coffee? The female colleague took the iced coffee in my hand, poured a handful on my face, and said: This is the spirit!?

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #