1.1. In the morning, taking the bus, the driver suddenly braked sharply. So I was attacked by a girl, scratched my face fiercely, and instantly felt my face burning with pain!

1. In the morning, taking the bus, the driver suddenly braked sharply. So I was attacked by a girl, scratched my face fiercely, and instantly felt my face burning with pain! Sister: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Me: There is no bloodshed, or I can't account for it if I don't go back. Sister: There was no bleeding, my nails were broken. An aunt next to me said: Boy, it's not simple, that hard scratch, there is no bleeding, your face is really strong! Isn't that like you're praising me!?

2. Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into the shower, washing and washing her and saying: You don't take off your pants, I thought you were a man...

3. My brother is in the first year of junior high school, and my father is very concerned about his results, and told him that if he improves by 100 places, he will receive a prize of 500 yuan. Unexpectedly, my brother retired more than a hundred times during the monthly examination. I asked my brother why he had retreated, and he said confidently, "You know what, I am retreating to advance, and it will be much easier to improve by 100 next time!" As a result, when it came to the final exam, he retired more than a hundred more!

4. My boyfriend said he wanted to eat the sauerkraut fish I made, so I followed the recipe for an hour.

He took a bite of the sauerkraut and said, "It doesn't seem salty enough, so you can add some soy sauce."

Cooking for you and picking and choosing, I silently poured a bottle of vinegar into it, and the boyfriend tasted it and praised it: "This is the taste!"

I clipped a piece of sauerkraut to eat, it was difficult to swallow, and I didn't know how, and the tears fell. 

5. The mother-in-law and the old man spent 15,000 yuan, and the matchmaker introduced a sister-in-law who worked in Futukang to the brother-in-law. That girl was particularly beautiful and temperamental. She has been working the night shift and has a short break during the day, resulting in poor eyes and decreased vision. The brother-in-law was very distressed, so he asked her to change jobs. A month later, the sister's eyes recovered, and the brother-in-law was preparing to celebrate, but she proposed to break up with the brother-in-law!

6. The cousin did not want to stay in the rural hometown for a lifetime, so he went to the city as a takeaway and earned more than 300,000 yuan a year. Then the cousin resigned decisively and opened a small supermarket. That night, a rich man driving a Maybach came to the store and bought a bottle of green tea. The rich man called for a sip of green tea, only to see that the lid said another bottle. So he threw the bottle cap to his cousin and said, "Boss, I won a bottle, the bottle cap is given to you, I don't have to give money for this bottle!" "Then he drove his Maybach away... My cousin thought about it all night, but he didn't understand what was wrong.

7. I am not opposed to my girlfriend watching these low-IQ Korean dramas, in advance is that you watch it on that day, don't look for me, don't talk to me about the plot, you don't have to share your joy and sadness after watching it; you can learn Korean is your skill, don't let me learn it, anyway, I can't learn it. Don't tell me who is who in South Korea, I'm not interested in listening, because watching Korean dramas is better than watching national football, although I don't watch national football...

8. After graduation, I went to Shenzhen alone to work hard, and I could only go home once in the New Year. Last night, when I was working overtime, I suddenly received a call from a Shanghai buddy. He said: You call Lao Huang, I'm in the bathroom, I don't have paper! I asked: Isn't Lao Huang in Yunnan? This 1+1 goods come a sentence: his brother-in-law is in that department downstairs in me, you let Lao Huang tell him!

9. The mother-in-law who still has the charm is taken in by an old rich man, and the father-in-law asks the old rich man for six million, and then divorces the mother-in-law. After my father-in-law had money, he opened a company of his own. Today, the father-in-law held a meeting with the employees and then asked who still had comments and suggestions. The supervisor stood up and was just about to speak, but did not hold back: poof, poof, poof! Three farts in a row. The father-in-law frowned and said: Speak human words! The supervisor said: Employees reported that their salaries were low and asked for a raise. The father-in-law slapped the table and angrily said: Fart! The supervisor was shocked and released two in a row.

10. Wandali has newly opened a hot pot restaurant, the business is particularly hot, and the price is very expensive. The middle-aged woman at the table asked the waiter: Miss, how long will we have to wait for our dishes? The busy sweaty waiter came over and said: "You are so beautiful, you may have to wait a few more minutes!" The woman smirked, adjusted her sitting position, and waited patiently.

11. While in the car, the brother-in-law met a man. The brother-in-law said: Alas, as a temporary worker, it is really unlucky, usually not to be seen, but if there is an accident, you have to take responsibility!

Another man said: Pity each other with the disease! The brother-in-law asked excitedly: Are you also a temporary worker?

The man shook his head: "No, I'm a spare tire."

12. The husband has had a ligature and cannot have children. So my husband and I spent $500,000 to adopt one at an orphanage. One day after school, my son smiled and asked me: Dad, is he an adult at the age of 18? I said: Mm-hmm, yes. The son then said: Is it not that at that time, I don't have to ask my mother about anything first? As soon as this remark came out, I laughed at the time: Son, you are still too naïve, your father and I are in their 40s and do not have that permission...

13. Others say that I am a female man, one day, I found a dandelion on the side of the road, and suddenly I wanted to learn to be a pure woman to take off the dandelion and breathe slowly, what a small and fresh picture. However, the truth is this, I took off the dandelion, the lips lightly rose, and suddenly a demon wind came, leaning, blowing the old lady's mouth hair!

14. I ask my buddies to bargain for me, and I stumble upon him having only 5 contacts. I laughed at his lack of friends, but he smiled and said: You can find someone to dial it. I called a contact, and he picked up the phone: There's a bit of an emergency to call me 10,000 yuan to use. As a result, in less than 5 minutes, the text message reminded him that the bank card 20,000 was deposited. I blushed and said ashamedly: I get it! He said: You don't understand. After saying that, he blacked out the man!