1, in the morning I have not gotten up, my wife went out to cook, after a while my mother pulled me up, secretly said: "When are you going to the hospital to check it out?" How do you live like this? "Me

1, in the morning I have not gotten up, my wife went out to cook, after a while my mother pulled me up, secretly said: "When are you going to the hospital to check it out?" How do you live like this? "I'm confused! What to check? Why can't I get by? Did last night... I asked very nervously, "Mom, what do I check?" Mom slapped me on the head: "Go check your airway!" I don't know when you will snore, and still make such a loud noise, how will your daughter-in-law sleep? I almost cried: "Mom, that purr was caused by your daughter-in-law, I can't snore at all!" ”

2. On the bus, I was squeezed into the arms of a boy. At first, I was not embarrassed, but after a long time, I got used to it, and I gently rested my head on his body and said, "I sat on this bus for a week, and every time I was squeezed into your arms, do you believe in fate?" The boy said calmly, "I don't believe in fate." I only know how to rent a bus for five hundred, more than a hundred extras, eighty per person. So, I just believe in money

3. My ex-wife once had a caesarean section, and she kept it a secret from me. After I knew it, I was particularly angry and divorced her despite the opposition of my family. Within a few days, I got along with a single female colleague at the company. On the day the two of us got married, she brought a small bottle. It was said that in the days to come, every time she cried, she would drop a drop of water into the bottle. If I wait for one day, the bottle is full, and the heart must be dead, and I will not hesitate to leave me. Last week I secretly poured two large spoonfuls of water into the bottle, only to be seen by my wife...

4. Skipping class and taking his girlfriend to the cinema to watch "Rushing to the Moon", the teacher named it. My roommate covered up with me and said he was going to watch a movie with his girlfriend. The teacher then clicked, clicked to the girlfriend, and the classmates laughed: she went to watch a movie with her boyfriend. The teacher was not very happy and asked the class leader to remind the two. Everyone laughed: the squad leader went to watch a movie with his girlfriend. The teacher also laughed, so let's ask the school committee to remind it. As a result, everyone got up and replied: The school committee and her boyfriend went to see a movie.

5, bought a watermelon, I cut it in the kitchen just to eat it was taken away by the little nephew, cut and taken away, until the last piece, I grabbed his hand and did not let him take it, asked him why he ate so fast? Little nephew: I'm afraid you'll eat it all, so I hid the watermelon under the bed and waited for my parents to come back and give them food!

6. Some time ago, I met my ex in the park taking wedding photos. Then, I was sent an invitation, and I hesitated to go and see it. I met a handsome guy at the wedding scene and stayed with me from beginning to end. At the end I asked him shyly: Do you like me? He smiled shyly: I am a security guard, the groom let me stare at you all the time, afraid that you will make trouble!?

7. When I got up in the morning, my wife said that her stomach hurt badly, and I quickly drove a Ferrari to the hospital. After the doctor checked it out: Well, go back to what you can eat, eat something good. This sentence directly shocked my wife and asked the doctor: Doctor, you told me what kind of disease, I can hold on. The doctor said: You haven't eaten in the morning and you're hungry.

8. My father-in-law lost 500,000 yuan for bone frying, and was sent to the hospital for a sudden cerebral hemorrhage, and I rushed to the hospital with my son. The father-in-law was still observing in the ICU, and the son suddenly asked: "Mom, what does the window doctor mean?" I thought about it and said, "It should be the doctor who sees the doctor." The son said, "It's okay to call a doctor, but why add a window?" I thought for half a day and said, "This, oh! Understand, the window doctor should be specialized in managing accommodation! ”

9. I remember when I was in elementary school, the class teacher called a few boys to clean up, and only I was willing to go. Then, the teacher said: Except for me, everyone else went to sweep me! At that time, I remembered a truth: there is a sacrifice to get! Later, when I was in college, due to the limited number of places, the teacher asked who would be willing to give up the scholarship evaluation qualification, and I raised my hand alone. And then I was really abandoned..."

10. When the female manager was five months pregnant, her husband abandoned her and married a rich woman. The female manager did not want to take her own life, and I had to marry her as a wife in order to stop her. Not long after marriage, she gave birth to a cute little Lolita for me. Now that this little Lori is five years old and her height has reached 1 meter 3, I hide from her family to take her to play roller coasters. The people around her shouted at her but did not say a word, and when they came out, they still frowned without saying a word. I quickly asked her, "Little fellow, are you scared silly?" She said calmly: "When you go out, you don't put the leftover sauce elbow in the refrigerator, will it be broken?" ”

11. When I was working in the company, the boss unfortunately died of lung cancer, so I launched a fierce pursuit of the boss year, and under my unremitting efforts, the boss lady finally married me with an inheritance of 1.2 million. Shortly after the marriage, she gave birth to a baby son for me, and I couldn't keep my mouth shut happily. I said, "I have to take six months off to take good care of our son." The wife said unhappily: "You are on leave, what do we eat, or I will go to work." I didn't think about it, and casually said, "Okay, no problem." The wife said, "That's it, you hurry up and squeeze the milk from the front, don't starve the child." ”"

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #