1. Play mahjong with the old man, three win, he loses alone... After the meal, the old man used the strength of the wine to scold the five girls and four sons-in-law one by one, and when it was my turn, the old man pointed at the corner of his mouth

1. Play mahjong with the old man, three win, he loses alone... After the meal, the old man used the strength of the wine to scold the five girls and four sons-in-law one by one, and when it was my turn, the old man pointed a finger, the corners of his mouth twitched, swallowed the spit, and ended. The crowd was amazed and asked the old man why he didn't continue. The old man pointed at me and said, "This boy is bad, last time he scolded him, he turned around and gave me a bottle of medicinal wine, saying that he brewed it himself, made up for it, and drank it for two days without leaving the toilet!"

2. The buddy borrowed my Porsche and gave me a motorcycle key to ride his motorcycle at his factory.

I was dumbfounded when I got to his factory, and parked a whole row of motorcycles.

He gave me no remote control on the key, and I can't remember his license plate.

I had to take the car keys and try them one by one.

As luck would have it, the fourth one was opened.

After a few days, the buddies came to return the car and rode their own car back by the way.

He stared at the motorcycle for half a day and said: Whose car is this?

3 Deposited 5 million yuan in the Construction Bank, and the Construction Bank gave the 5 million yuan loan to Xiao Li.

Xiao Li used the 5 million yuan from the loan to buy a house, and the real estate developer deposited the 5 million into the bank.

So the problem is, there is only 5 million in total, and I and the real estate developer can take 5 million each, a total of 10 million.

The bank can only collect a loan of 5 million yuan from Xiao Li, is the bank losing 5 million yuan? Where did the other 5 million go?

4 The sister-in-law is pregnant, and the brother-in-law deliberately asks: Whose child is it?

The sister-in-law hesitated and said: Who else can it be if it is not yours?

Later, my brother-in-law asked me if she had hesitated for a moment before answering me.

I scratched my head and said: Maybe the sister-in-law is too happy, and if you suddenly ask this, you will definitely be a little flustered.

The brother-in-law said: You seem to have a point! I should trust her!

I finally showed a relaxed smile, and a stone in my heart could be considered to have fallen.......

5 Dad made more than 500,000 yuan selling mask machine icons, and I used this money to buy a Cadillac CT6. The new car was rear-ended by a female driver as soon as it hit the road, so she had to put it in the 4S shop for repair. The next day, I was waiting at the bus stop to go to work, and suddenly I was tapped on the shoulder. I turned my head dejectedly to see that it was a little beauty smiling at me. I looked at her a little familiar, but never remembered who she was. She looked at me, smiled slightly, and said: Did you forget? Only crashed your car yesterday, your car is still repaired in the 4S shop, right? I:......

6 Last night my sister brought my future brother-in-law to the house for dinner, and as soon as I was happy that my sister finally had someone to ask for it, I got my brother-in-law drunk. Dad muttered: I didn't expect this boy to have a poor amount of wine, and when he was drunk, he pulled my eldest brother not to say, and even secretly told me to take me to play! The next night, Dad asked his sister to break up with his future brother-in-law! Dad taught my sister: Men can be poor and ugly, but they must not be without integrity!

 7 My husband's only hobby is playing DNF, and he once secretly charged 30,000 yuan to it. After I knew it, I was angry, had a big fight with my husband, and then got so angry that I didn't want to cook! But when you are angry, you can't always go hungry for your children. At noon, I took my two children to the restaurant and ordered two bowls of noodles. After my son finished eating, he took a napkin and wiped his mouth, looked at me seriously, and suggested: Mom, will you argue with your father again at night? ”

8 When she was in the fifth grade, she had a little awkward fight with her table, and after not speaking for a few days, she took out a moon cake, broke it in half, put one in a drawer, and took a piece to eat at me.

She went out after class, I took off my shoes, took out the half of the mooncake in her drawer, and rubbed it on the sole of her foot...

After school, she handed me the half of the mooncake: You boy is really careful with your eyes, and you want our little girl to coax you.

This half is reserved for you, eat it, we will still be good friends in the future, I... I... Took the mooncake and excitedly nibbled it...  

 9 The old man was hit in the hospital by a drunk-driving Maserati and was still observed in the intensive care unit, and the owner lost 650,000 yuan.

I used the money to pick up a second-hand BIG BEN GLS63 and drove today to visit my husband who was discharged from the hospital.

He was practicing walking in a trembling yard when his five-year-old brother-in-law played music on his mobile phone to accompany him.

As a result, the old man was furious: "Rabbit cub, what do you mean by playing plants vs zombie music?" ”

10 There was a young woman living upstairs, and she and I had a good feeling for each other, but we never broke through the window paper. One night, I was watching TV at home when I suddenly received a text message from the young woman upstairs, only two words, save me! I was shocked and didn't know what had happened to her. I dialed her cell phone, only to find that it was turned off, so I ran straight upstairs and knocked desperately on her door, but no one responded for half a day. I thought to myself that she didn't know if she was at home or not, didn't know what was going on?

I thought about it for a while and decided to pry the lock and go inside to see what was going on, but I wouldn't pry the lock either, so I pulled out my phone and made a phone call to find my ex-wife, because she had the contact information of the person who pried the lock! The phone rang and my ex-wife coldly asked me what was going on? I asked her if she could send me the contact details of the person who had picked the lock, and she sneered and said, Why should I give it to you? I have nothing to do with you, you go find someone else! I was in a hurry, saying that I was saving people, let her stop making trouble, and quickly give me the contact information!

11 Sitting across from my desk is our department head. Some time ago, I took half a month off to go home to deal with things, and when I came back today, I saw that the supervisor sitting across from me was gone, and a new colleague came! I'm glad it looks like the bad supervisor was fired! I immediately approached the new supervisor: "Oh, you are new here, the guy who used to sit in your position has braids and a beard, really when he is an artist, that idiot must have been fired!" "I just finished talking, and everyone in the office looked at me! The person across from you said, "You recognized the wrong person, that idiot was not dismissed, just changed his style, still in front of you!" “

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #