1, go out to run Didi at night, pull a beautiful girl, after getting on the car she said: "Brother, run casually!" "I said girl, let's dodi, not rent. The girl was arrogant: "Brother, I am not bad."

1, go out to run Didi at night, pull a beautiful girl, after getting on the car she said: "Brother, run casually!" "I said girl, let's dodi, not rent. The girl was arrogant: "Brother, I am not bad for money, just run, just listen to me!" I immediately got angry, pulled the girl along the city wall, and an hour later, I kindly reminded: "Sister, 300!" The girl looked at it and said, "Brother, are you taking a detour?" You pull from the south gate of the city wall to my goose pagoda, how can you have so much money? I suddenly became vigilant: "Sister, you said to run casually." The girl was not pleased, and said, "If you can prove that I said that, I will marry you!" "I said I couldn't prove it, count me unlucky, I don't want money." The girl was anxious: "Brother, Didi Car recorded the whole process, you check ah, must have said, you check it and you will know!" "I'm getting more and more vigilant, even if I paste 300 upside down, it can't prove it, do you say I did the right thing?"

2, the wife has been letting quit smoking, but have not succeeded, sometimes still can't help smoking one. Last night, I went and put the living room ashtray on the keyboard of the notebook computer. Wife: Husband, you will knock over the ashtray on the computer! I patted my chest and said: No, definitely not! Wife: Yes! Me: Definitely not, I've always been like this before! Then, the wife reached out and knocked over the ashtray and said, "Look, I said yes!" The facts are right in front of your eyes! I:......

3, we have a local tycoon in our dormitory, who is also a playboy. When the buddies were gathering that day, I asked him: Which is the most unforgettable and unforgettable girlfriend? The buddies who were originally giggling suddenly changed their faces, and their eyes were confused, as if they were caught in memory. I seemed to be able to see the mottled past in his eyes, and the fragments of the past were imprinted with shadows. For a long time, without saying a word, he looked at the wine on the table and slowly spat out three words: Next...

4. On the weekend, my sister called my brother-in-law who was working overtime in the company and said: Husband! Our family has been robbed! The brother-in-law's face was disheveled: Ah! Let's see what's missing? My sister said: It's all turned into a mess! The brother-in-law said: Look at the 50,000 in the shoe box at the bottom of the bed? After reading it, my sister came back and said: No! The brother-in-law said: Look at the white sheet bag on the wardrobe, there are 20,000 8! My sister came back after reading it: Woohoo... It's gone! The brother-in-law said: You loser bitch! Hurry up and go to the top of my study to see the back of the set of all Tang poems, there are 120,000, lost it will be tragic! After ten minutes, my sister sent in the circle of friends: Today's cleaning, earned nearly 200,000.

5, at 10 o'clock in the evening, watching the sleeping wife have a mosquito sucking her blood on her face. I slapped the mosquito in the face of her, and my wife sat up and tried to reach out and hit me. Then I showed her the mosquitoes on her face, and she lay down. I didn't fall asleep the night after I lay down, I was so excited, married for so long, I finally had a man once and actually slapped her face.

6. When I was a child, there was a skinny classmate who was often beaten by me, but he had a senior brother who would come and beat me after school. His brother beat me, and I beat him the next day to complain. I hit him, his brother hit me; his brother hit me, I hit him. After a year of persistence, his brother went abroad to study for his first planting. It turns out that as long as you have a persistent heart, it is you who will win in the end!

7. Some time ago, my brother-in-law had wisdom teeth, and just pulled out wisdom teeth from the hospital yesterday, passing a stall selling pork. The mother-in-law asked, "How much is this pork for a pound?" Boss: "35! "The mother-in-law rushed to her pocket to take money to buy it. The brother-in-law could not speak because he had bitten the medicinal cotton, and immediately held down the mother-in-law's hand, spit out a mouthful of blood, and squeezed out three words: "Less!" "As a result, the stall owners and passers-by were stunned!

8. After I lost my job, I became a delivery man. I was afraid that the electric car was stolen and put on five locks, but it was still stolen, so I asked the security uncle. Uncle said: I saw the car stealing, and I got it away at once. Me: Huh? I've got five locks on, and it will take some time to unlock them! Uncle: Young man, people drove a Wuling Hongguang, two big men came down, directly carried your electric car to the car and left! Me: Uncle, why didn't you stop it when you saw it! Uncle shook his head: "Son, those two are my sons, I can't stop them who earn money to support me!"

9. The newly divorced female manager was pregnant with my child, and the chairman fired me in a fit of anger. In order to pay off the car loan, I had to go to Foxconn to work. Last night, when I was working overtime in the workshop, I saw the team leader brewing green tea bags with cold water. I kindly reminded him: "Cold water is not good for making tea, not only hurts the stomach, but also hurts the kidneys!" The group leader looked at me suspiciously, then checked it with his mobile phone and muttered, "I'm going, it really hurts my kidneys!" "From then on, the group leader blamed me, I let him hurt his kidney, if I didn't tell him, he wouldn't hurt...

10, the sister-in-law is 31 years old this year is still single, the family is very anxious, often arrange for her to object, but she can't look at any of them. I went to ask my sister-in-law: I have introduced you so much, you don't like any of them, what do you really like. At this time, the sister-in-law put down her hands and said to me with an innocent face: Feelings cannot be forced, only by fate, I want to wait until a rich man with terminal cancer, rough tea and light meals together every day, play in the countryside together on weekdays, and accompany him through this life plainly. I went, and I was speechless.

11. A female colleague and I drew a series of movie tickets. She was ten years younger than me, and I felt there was a generation gap, so I went home and gave the ticket to my cousin, who was eight years younger, and asked him to see her pictures. My cousin liked it and gave me a cigarette and invited me to dinner. The cousin went to the supermarket and bought a whole bunch of snacks to the cinema. Heaven and earth conscience, I really did not know that female colleagues would give movie tickets to the company's cleaning aunt. "

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