1, last night finally lived with my girlfriend, the next day I woke up I hugged her carefully for half a day, asked her how to remove makeup how it is different from usual? My girlfriend shyly threw herself into my arms and told me,

1, last night finally lived with my girlfriend, the next day I woke up I hugged her carefully for half a day, asked her how to remove makeup how it is different from usual? My girlfriend shyly threw herself into my arms and told me that you have eaten instant noodles for so many years, don't you know that the packaging pattern is for reference only?

2, a few days ago to go to the old sister's house to play, I saw the elder sister is playing mahjong, I was watching from the side! After a while, my little nephew kept pestering me to let me buy him fireworks to play with. No way, I went to the commissary and bought two boxes of wrestling cannons. In a hurry to go home to play mahjong, I tucked the cannon into my jeans and ran home. Just after arriving at the door, I accidentally stepped on the ice and fell backwards. Then there was a crackling sound from the back of my ass! "

3, at night after work to call friends to my house to drink, drinking is happy when the landlord suddenly came to the door, she scolded: "You have not paid the rent for more than a month, and if you don't pay it again, I will drive you out." I said: "You see you are beautiful, kind, gentle and generous, not bad for a few days" The beautiful landlord threw a wink and said: "In fact, it doesn't matter if you don't pay for half a year, as long as you marry me, 100 houses under my name can add your name." ”

4. Playing cards with female colleagues won 50,000 yuan, and discussed with her to beat her back for an hour to pay off the debt of 500 yuan. But later the female colleague felt that she did not have to pay back anyway, the number of cards played was increasing, and in just one month, she owed me enough to beat my back for a year, and now she was afraid that she would suddenly leave her job.

5. At 5 o'clock in the morning, my father woke me up: "We used to be the ancient martial family, the Li family flying knife who fought with the front, but your grandfather went to the leader of the sub-Sha barbarian tribe, and he never left the inheritance behind, but we still have a death scythe to pass down." I immediately got dressed and went down to the window and said, "Where?" I want to see! "My dad and I went to the room and watched him come with a scythe. Dad: This is the death scythe, but it is sealed, and legend has it that it can only be unsealed after cutting 3 acres of wheat.

6. Today my son asked me for living expenses, and I gave him 100 yuan. The son said: Dad, 100 yuan is not enough to spend. I asked: Not enough flowers is it, it doesn't matter, I have a way. I took a piece of paper and drew a lot of flowers on it, and then I put it together with the banknote and asked him: Is this enough to spend?" My son helplessly took the money and left, leaving me with a triumphant smile...

7. There is a local tycoon in our village who is bankrupt, and then he says to his daughter-in-law: "Baby, I am bankrupt now, and BMW is expected to be replaced by volkswagen," and his daughter-in-law: "It's all right." The local tycoon said: "The villa is estimated to be unable to live, and it seems that it can live in the urban village again." His daughter-in-law: "It doesn't matter," the local tycoon was so moved that he could not speak. His daughter-in-law then said: "Don't be so stressed, the company I gave you just wanted you to try, it's all small companies, it's failed, it can only prove that you are not suitable to be the boss!"

8. This morning, I'm going out on a blind date, and I get up in the morning and start dressing up. I changed into beautiful clothes, got my hair on, and painted delicate makeup and drove to the agreed place. The man saw me and said: You are so beautiful, I went to the bathroom, my brother threw up. I secretly like it was worth spending so long dressing up today, and he couldn't hold on to it as soon as he saw me! I was happy when I saw him leading a little boy from the bathroom...

9, it is about to be the New Year, the mother said to clean up the house again. When it was time to open the carpet, Dad said: "The carpet is cleaned up with a vacuum cleaner, don't clean up the bottom, your blood pressure is unstable, don't be too tired." "My mother was touched by a mess, but she still decisively pulled the carpet open, looking at the messy yuan under the carpet, I knew that a fierce battle was inevitable.

10. After working at PetroChina for more than a month, I learned that the chairman was my second uncle's brother-in-law. I was promoted to a regional manager, and the company assigned me a female secretary. Yesterday in the office, I had nothing to do and talked to the female secretary, who said she didn't like to eat the cream on the cake. My surname Fen said: Good coincidence!!!! My daughter doesn't like cream either!!!! For some reason, the scene was suddenly a little awkward.

11. My cousin Kuai's aunt came over with a pair of latex pillows at home and said, "Mom, I still have 150,000 to buy a parking space, can you borrow something for me?" The aunt handed her cousin a card and said, "There are 200,000 in it, and the password is still 666888!" The cousin excitedly took the card and went to the bank, calling her aunt in the afternoon and saying, "Mom, there is no money in it!" The aunt shouted in surprise: "It is impossible, the last time you bought a car, did you borrow me 200,000 yuan and did not arrive?" It was all a year ago! Cousin: "I may have forgotten that my mother invited you to eat Haidilao another day." Aunt: "It's better to choose the day than to hit the sun, just tonight." Cousin: "Shu zhe, what do you call me?" Wait Mom, your grandson told me to cook! ”?

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #