1. Son: Mom, give me some money, my girlfriend is pregnant. Mom: Okay! Wait for my news tomorrow. The next day son: Mom, why hasn't the money arrived yet? Mother: Son, marriage room,

1. Son: Mom, give me some money, my girlfriend is pregnant. Mom: Okay! Wait for my news tomorrow. The next day son: Mom, why hasn't the money arrived yet? Mother: Son, the wedding house, the wedding car, has bought the full money! Spot! Bring me back and get married! Your looks are good if someone wants to! Hurry up and get me back to get married!

2. My cousin is a high-achieving student at Tsinghua University, so she went to a company with more handsome men for internship.

After a month of internship, my cousin wore no different clothes for work, and finally succeeded in attracting the attention of a handsome man and began to pursue her.

Colleagues in the company do not understand this handsome guy........

Then the handsome guy smiled and said: You don't know that day, her car did not stop in place, she had to use her ass to pan her Ferrari 485 by 10 centimeters before stopping.

Then smile happily like a child of more than two hundred pounds, not to mention how cute...

3 I came home from vacation, and today I came back to town to call my father.

Me: Dad, I'm back, come to town and pick me up right away.

Dad: Two people still come back with three.

Me: I'm alone.

Dad: Anyway, it only takes an hour to walk, exercise and exercise,

Hang up... The sadness of older single young men.

4 The brother-in-law is tall and handsome, and when he was in college, he had a relationship with a 45-year-old rich woman who bought him a luxury car villa as a gift.

However, the brother-in-law was fed up with the rich woman who was old and yellow, so he secretly found a model girlfriend outside.

It didn't take long for the rich woman to know about it, take back all the gifts, and drive her brother-in-law out of the house.

After the "cash cow", the brother-in-law was very sad and asked me to go to the bar for a drink.

After drinking, I helped him home, and I saw a girl on the street, with a very charming back.

The brother-in-law sang: Lift your hijab, let me see your face... When the sister heard the song, she immediately looked back, and the brother-in-law immediately sang: Sister, you boldly go forward, go forward, don't look back...

5 Programmers have done things that are sorry for their wives and have been uneasy for 10 days.

Today he decided to confess, programmer: in fact, people make mistakes a few times, right? Wife.

Wife: Yeah, but it's changed, okay? Programmer: Well, but also be honest with your family.

Wife: Huh? You know what? Actually, I only had 5 times!

6 When I first arrived at Tsinghua to report, I found that the five people in our dormitory were loyal players of LOL. In order to enhance our feelings, we agreed to go to the leather Internet café to open black and score points together. As a result, everyone arrived one after another, and the key wild brothers did not come, so they called him. Only then did he know that he had been hit by a car on the road and was lying on the ground waiting for an ambulance. Frightened, we quickly stopped a taxi to the scene of the incident, took advantage of the fact that he was carried to the ambulance to get the game's account number and password, and then rushed back to the Internet café to find someone to get on the number, so dangerous!

7 On weekends off, I went to the market and bought a big rooster to stew and eat. I was bleeding the chickens, and my five-year-old son came to see it. The rooster's power splattered the blood on his son's face, and the son was so frightened that he ran and cried. I was worried that my son would fall and chase after him... But I forgot that I still had a bloody knife in my hand, and my 80-year-old grandmother next door fainted!

8 Went shopping with my wife to the supermarket today, spending a total of 40.4 yuan. I gave the cashier 100 yuan, and the little sister first found 50 and handed it to me, but I did not pick up. I found 5 more pieces and handed them to me, but I still didn't answer. Then I found 4 more pieces and handed them to me, but I still didn't answer. Finally, I took out a six-cent coin and handed it to my wife, and I quickly grabbed it into my own hand: this is mine!

9 When I arrived at Starbucks, I had no place to go to the table with a couple. The girl was very beautiful, so I looked at it twice, and the man was not happy. He put a car key on the table to scare me, and I took a closer look, and I went, Maybach! So I put the car keys of the Red Flag L5 on the table, Ferrari, Lamborghini, several car keys I dropped on the table. Then the man led the woman away... Oh, you and I a key to load what!

10 In my sophomore year at Fudan University, I have always had a crush on Ben Hua at home and was bored and told me to go to his house to play cards. After going there, I saw that there was another male classmate at her house. I didn't know this classmate, we were fighting the landlord, he suddenly said a word of Hasa, and then we both went to the Internet café. That night, she sent a message saying: "When you are bored, you can find a boy to accompany you, don't look for two, otherwise it will be you who will be hurt!" ”

11 Today is the first time for the buddies to take the online car, before getting on the car, the buddies cautiously asked: Master, can I take a picture of you? Nothing else! Safety first! The driver master acquiesced, and after the brothers took the photos, the driver master also took a photo of the brothers. Dude: You're also a cautious person! you're welcome! Driver Master: Just want to take a photo to keep a souvenir, most of the night wearing a slip dress is rare ah!