A few days ago, a parent shared a distress about her child, saying that her child always does not play with other children, and even if they play, they are not particularly open. Other children are running and jumping together is particularly happy, only he stays aside to watch, tells him to play with other children and he does not go, saying that he is not happy when he is heavy, the heart of the parent is particularly not a taste, he feels that his children are particularly unsociable, but he can't do anything, he can only do it next to him, this parent even went to check whether his children have psychological problems, unwilling to socialize and so on.
The parent's mood as a parent should be able to understand, hoping that his child can play normally like other children, rather than becoming a special existence in the crowd, but everyone's personality is different, and the child is the same.
Often people say that the child is a blank piece of paper, in fact, it is not, the influence of genes is actually much greater than you think, each child is born with its own personality, some children are born active, some children prefer to be in a quiet environment, do not need to worry about this, children are like a flower, each flower has its own blooming period, maybe your child is slower, just because his flowering period is later, does not mean that he will not be beautiful when he blooms.
Moreover, the child's personality is not good or bad, this parent has such a distress, because she likes to be lively and cheerful children in her heart, from the perspective of public perception, children are generally lively, so this parent will feel that their children are different from ordinary people. But at the same time, there are still some parents who are troubled by the liveliness of their children, and their hearts may hope that their children will be quiet.
The child is an independent individual, they cannot change because of the wishes of the parents, he is born to gradually adapt to this society, and what the parents have to do is to help him adapt, rather than trying to change the nature of the child according to his own likes and dislikes. As adults, we all feel fortunate to be ourselves, so why force our children to become another person?
Therefore, for the child's personality problems, the first thing to change is the parent's mentality, do not worry, and then calmly guide the child into the crowd, to socialize or live.
After the parents' mentality changes, it is necessary to analyze the reasons behind the child's behavior. Because the child's expression ability is not as good as that of an adult, many times, he can't explain why he does it, and all he can say is his own feelings, such as "I don't want to do this" or "I just want to do it".
Many parents will lose patience to communicate when they hear these words, thinking that their children are throwing tantrums, but in fact, the children just don't know what reason to say, and they don't know how to say it.
Like the "unsociable child" in the parent's mouth, after the parents patiently inquired, they knew that the child felt that the games played by the children who ran and jumped were dangerous and might hurt themselves, so he did not want to play with those children. And he found it very interesting to play alone like this, and he often set a scene for himself, such as he would build a castle out of blocks, and he was a soldier guarding the castle, and the dolls who wanted to enter the castle had to go through their own audits; or he was the administrator of the parking lot, charging for the toy cars that came and went. In his small world, these are very interesting games, and parents do not know these things, parents see only the child alone to play by themselves, these contents, are the result of parents after inquiry.
Knowing this, parents are also completely relieved, do not feel that the child's personality is lonely, but found the advantages of the child's imagination.
So how do you get your child to say this?
First of all, parents need to be really attentive and willing to understand their children's world.
There are many parents who say that their children are disobedient and have a bad personality, in fact, because the questions they ask themselves make people not want to answer, that is, "no intentions", and what they ask is superficial questions. Let's say a child is building blocks and the parent walks over and asks, "What are you doing?" But its practical eyes also know the answer to the question, parents seem to care about their children, in fact, they are just doing routine, satisfying some of their own desires as parents, rather than wanting to understand their children, and children in the same world."
Replace the question with: "Are you building a castle?" The child will be more willing to answer. You can also further ask questions, where the gate of the castle is, who lives in the castle, and what is the relationship between them, which not only narrows the distance with the child, but also allows the child to take the initiative to think, expands the child's imagination space, and is quite helpful for the child's growth.
The same approach can be taken when the child is not playing with other children: What are you playing? Would you like to play with the little ones? Why not? Do you think they can't play or don't like the kids? Asking what the child thinks in his heart, on the one hand, let you know more about the child, on the other hand, it is also to let the child know how to express, so as to trust the parents more.
In this way, it is easier for children and parents to establish a good relationship, and it also lays a good foundation for future exchanges. In the process of inquiry, parents should pay attention to avoid using compulsive words, such as "tell me quickly", "talk to me", "talk", such words are no different from directly forcing children to do things.
Each child has their own personality, if the child is not willing to express and is not willing to answer the question, the parent can answer instead of the child, let the child nod and shake his head to confirm.
For example, parents can ask, "Are you worried that your children will destroy your toys?" Or: "Don't you like xxx?" When doing questions, you should also avoid your own subjective evaluation, such as: "Do you think xxx's personality is annoying?" Such problems will also affect the child's subconscious, which is not conducive to children interacting with their peers and is prone to negative thoughts.
To sum up, when the child is not social, parents should not be overly anxious, respect the child's nature, and put themselves in the same position as the child to actively explore the child's inner thoughts, do not use forced ways to let the child join the circle of peers.
If you can untie the child's heart knot so that he is willing to integrate into other children is the best, but if the child just prefers to play alone, then parents do not overly interfere, as long as the child can grow up healthy and happy, then no matter how the way of growth, parents should gladly accept, let the child develop with their own nature, and eventually become a unique mature adult.
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