1. Today and a female colleague went to the hotel to open a room, after the end of the matter she went to take a shower, then her mobile phone rang, I don't think much about it directly, after the answer to react is her husband. Witty I spoke

1. Today and a female colleague went to the hotel to open a room, after the end of the matter she went to take a shower, then her mobile phone rang, I don't think much about it directly, after the answer to react is her husband. Witty I said: "Is it your mobile phone, I have been waiting for an hour, now people love to lose mobile phones!" Then his husband weakly replied, "Oh thank you." "Give me a thumbs up for my wit."

2. One night I drank outside and forgot the corridor password when I came home, so I called the security guard. He asked solemnly, "How do you prove that you are the owner?" I said, "Open the door for Lao Tzu!" The security guard said, "Prove it to Lao Tzu." I shouted, "Beanie." A dog's head popped out of the balcony, and I said, "Bark." "So Bean Bean shouted, causing the next door to be called, causing the black back to cry on the other side... In the blink of an eye, the community was noisy, and the lights were lit. The security guard wore his suit and said, "This proof is too noisy and powerful." "Hurry up and open the door!!!!!

3. After the end of last year, our company will carry out the opening ceremony and set off firecrackers. There is a firecracker too long, the lead is afraid of lighting after the time is too long, arrange a colleague to divide into two points. Before the ceremony could begin, firecrackers were heard firing in unison, plus the crying wolf howls, and the hands of the brothers were all blackened. He said: The middle lead of the firecracker is too strong, and it is constantly pulled. Suddenly I remembered that I usually broke the rope and broke it as soon as the lighter burned, so I took out the lighter, and then the firecrackers fired in unison.

4. Today, the girlfriend asked Kaijie: What is the foil? Kaijie told her that the foil is to reflect another thing or phenomenon through one thing. And for example: for example, a pot of flowers, with its unassuming green leaves, the flowers appear more beautiful. At this time, the child's grandfather came listlessly. The girlfriend asked Grandpa: Why are you not happy? Grandpa said: Your aunt will meet tomorrow, she is not tall, people are not beautiful, afraid that the man will not look up. At this time, the girlfriend immediately said by surname: Grandma, don't worry, let my mother and aunt go together. At that time, my wife said confusedly: People are on a blind date, what am I going to do? The girl said: You can set it off.

5. The president only has a thousand gold, he will use 10 million to recruit a door-to-door son-in-law, I immediately signed up. After getting married, I didn't have any place in the family. I left work early last night, and I made a meal for my wife. After my wife finished eating, she wiped her mouth: When I get rich, I will not let you go to work, and you will cook a meal every day. Hearing this, I whispered joy in my heart, fantasizing about sleeping until I woke up naturally every day, playing games at home, and making a meal at the point... In the end, I was happier and happier, and I happily did all the work of washing dishes and clothes!

6. That year, I developed a room with a sister in a foreign country. Because of staggered work hours, we basically didn't see each other. In the middle of the night, my sister suddenly knocked on my door. She shyly borrowed two batteries from me and said the remote control was running out of battery. I took a closer look, and my sister was quite pretty. However, I didn't sleep well that night, and I never heard my sister knock on my door again. So the question is, does the girl not want to return my battery?

7. The rich man's three-year-old son has reached the age of kindergarten. Because of the family's doting on children, his son would cry and cry every morning when he got up from the window, refusing to eat breakfast and not go to school. His mother always spoke in a serious and long way, and his father sat helplessly watching the news. The rich man hurriedly cleaned up, and the wife was a coaxing son who squeezed his eyebrows. Recently, the whole family held a meeting, thinking that this is not a way to go down, and finally discussed: fight!

8. On the day of rest, the brother took the pregnant sister-in-law to the park for a walk. The sister-in-law was in a good mood along the way, but a small child had been following her sister-in-law. Turning to his sister-in-law, he asked, "Little cute, why are you following me?" The little fart stared at his sister-in-law's belly and said, "The balloon I just bought is missing!" Probably hidden in the stomach by this aunt. ”

9. Wanda was eating braised noodles and drinking Coke, when I saw a message from my uncle on my phone: "Come to my place of work today." "I drove an excavator to my uncle's construction site and met the high school class president, who was moving bricks. I said to the class leader, "Why did the original class leader who was both good in character and excellent character fall to this point?" My uncle said to me, "Of course, if I hadn't secretly burned your admission letter to Tsinghua University!" You are just like him! ”

10. Classes are taking place in the classroom when a student rushes into the classroom. Teacher: Why are you late? Student: I was going fishing, but my dad wouldn't let me go, and I cried, so I was late. The teacher said happily: Your father did the right thing, why you should go to school and should not go fishing, your father must have explained it to you clearly, right? The student nodded and said: Yes, Dad said that there are too few earthworms, if two people go fishing, it is not enough...

11. On the first day of marriage, my daughter-in-law had a serious cold, and I was particularly anxious and ready to buy medicine.

As a result, she said bitter and didn't want to eat, I said needles, she said she didn't like needles.

I said the infusion again, and she said she was afraid of pain.

I was anxious: then how do you want to cure it?

The second daughter-in-law came slowly and said, I want to eat therapy!

I was shocked, do you understand the world of foodies?

12. The male god especially likes fitness and goes to climb the mountain every week. Today I climbed with him for a day, and I played with the male god: "People's feet are sore, you quickly help others rub!" After rubbing for a while, the male god stopped the movement in his hand, and I asked him, "Why don't you rub it?" The male god had a bitter look: "The hand is 'sour'." He put his hand on me and said, "I don't believe you smell it!" "I...

13. My girlfriend is a spender who spends a lot of money, and she owes 38,000 yuan for her spending.

But she has no intention of repaying the loan, and now it has been overdue for a month, and the customer service has called several times.

She still calmly bought a lipstick of more than four hundred yuan with flowers, and I asked her: Why don't you repay the loan?

She smiled in lipstick: Just call him when I have a boyfriend.