1. The eldest sister-in-law is beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I'm angry

1. The eldest sister-in-law is very beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I said indignantly, Am I that kind of person? Then I went out the door breathlessly. Just after arriving at the door of the community, a strange young woman pulled me aside. The young woman said that she had come here for a tour, and that her mobile phone and wallet had been stolen. Tell me to do well and lend her 50 bucks. She was hungry and wanted to have dinner. I was surprised and said, does it cost 50 yuan for dinner? I'll give you ten bucks, there's a bun shop over there, two bucks for a meat bun, and you can buy five. The young woman nodded and said, ten dollars is fine.

2. I said: Tao Mi will go buy some cooked vegetables to save the roast! My wife said: Repeatedly stressed that rice does not need to be panned directly with two bowls of rice and disposable chopsticks! I said: Tao rice is also fast, do not delay time. My wife: People have proposed not to pan rice several times, buy cooked vegetables that the big canteen has rice, I did not ask you to tao rice, why mother-in-law! It took several reasons to suggest that I not only did not have to brush the pot, but also did not have to wash the dishes.

3. My wife is an only child, and my husband has always wanted to pass on his car wash to us. Last month, my husband asked me to resign, and then I followed him to work every day. Yesterday, I drove a Ferrari out of the store, slammed the accelerator and slammed the car directly into the wall, and then scrapped. Later, the old man spent a lot of money and finally put the matter to rest. I wanted to resign, and the old man said: "They are all family, don't see the outside like this, work until you retire and then go, you can't finish the loss for a day early." ”?

4. Cousin is relatively fat, 28 years old has no object, yesterday together shopping, saw a handsome guy selling apples, hard pulled me over, picked eight. Before leaving, my cousin said, "Is there enough scale?" ”。 Handsome man: "Auntie! You can rest assured, if you don't weigh enough, you'll let me play bare sticks for the rest of my life." Cousin: "Who's auntie?" I'm only 28 years old, so, I'll go back and weigh it, if it's not enough scales, you'll marry me, what' it'? ”。 The handsome man looked at his cousin, and without hesitation, he grabbed the bag containing the apple and added eight more to it.

5. Yesterday, our department pulled a big customer to the company, and everyone was secretly excited, thinking that the boss should not reward it. At noon, we went to the canteen to eat together and met my father, and everyone immediately surrounded the boss in the middle. Sister Sun said: "Now that the oranges are down, it's pretty good." Xiao Liu said: "That day I went to the supermarket dumbfounded, no one used cash, ah, all used shopping cards." Xiao Wang said, "My daughter-in-law and their unit have distributed rice again." After the boss listened, he looked up at Xiao Wang and smiled: "It seems that this marriage partner is very important." Everyone brushed their angry eyes on Xiao Wang.

6. While playing a game at home, a phone call suddenly comes and I am asked if I need a loan. I said, "Yes." He asked, "So how much do you need to borrow?" I said, "500 million." Then he was stunned and asked, "What assets do you have?" I said, "I have two mountains in Australia and two buildings in Shanghai." "Before I could finish speaking, he hung up my phone, was I wrong?"

7. There are two poor boys in the village, one of whom has a good brain and has made a lot of money to go to the city to become a local tycoon. The other was still a poor boy, eating food in the field. One day, the upstart called the village and showed off to the poor boy: Do you know, I'm in Bali! The poor boy said happily, "Really, brother, I'm five miles away from you!" The upstart wondered: Brother, you also got rich and went abroad? The poor boy said: Out of what country, I am in Sanlitun! "

8. My five-year-old nephew is picky eaters who only eat meat and never vegetables, and has very serious constipation. Eight greens were fried that night, and not a single meat dish was cooked. The nephew had to be hungry if he didn't eat, so he ate a few bites of green vegetables and two large bowls of porridge with a look of grievance. After the nephew finished eating, the elder sister asked him: Are you full? Can I eat it again? The nephew said: I am dead and can't eat. Then the elder sister went to the kitchen and brought out a plate of elbows and a plate of roast chicken, which our family ate. The nephew was crying when he looked at the wronged.

9. When Country Garden first went public, I worked for my boss, so that we are now very familiar with it. The owner's addiction is very large, and he has at least 3 packs of soft Chinese to start with a day. Today he was smoking and coughing, and I advised next to him: "You are like this, you can't quit smoking?" The boss replied, "I can't quit!" Quitting is going to kill people. I was surprised and said, "Don't pull it, if you don't smoke, will you die?" The boss replied, "No, your sister-in-law said that if I could quit smoking in my life, she would die." ”?

10. My husband has worked at Foxconn for half a year, and his monthly salary is 58,000 yuan. Since then, our lives have become richer, and we eat mountains and seafood every day. Last night I made my husband's favorite shark fin soup, and I ate it too quickly, and the fish bones stuck in my throat. My husband called his Rolls-Royce driver and took me to the hospital, and we hung up an 88-dollar specialist number. This old expert, who is in his 60s, looked at me and said, "You've got this number back!" Husband asked why, the expert said: you go hang a 5 yuan ordinary number, I can't see clearly.?

11. My brother bought a new bed at home, and my brother began to sigh, "This bed is really wide enough to sleep three people." My sister-in-law always wanted a child, and then said to her brother, "If you want to, I have no problem." The brother was excited to hear his sister-in-law's words, and said to his sister-in-law: "As long as you don't get jealous, then I have no problem." "My brother is still in the hospital...

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