*Title Source: Question 1 of this issue
Get started with new powder
Question 1
(Source of the title of this issue)
Keywords: cold violence
Hello doll goddess. One old fan for many years.
I was 162 years tall in 169 and weighed 96. Husband 84 years tall 172 weight 120. Married for five years. He has a son and a daughter. Parenting investment is large. In addition to earning money is to accompany children. Usually the feelings are good. It's just that the husband is more introverted. Love to sulk.
My appeal is how to improve the problem of cold violence. What if my husband always likes the Cold War when he encounters contradictions. I want to increase the emotional concentration. Whether you win or not. All will be grateful to the doll goddess for providing this platform. The road to learning is still long. Has been silently concerned about silent learning.
P s: Attach a picture of both of us.
answer
Usually, everyone will express their desires, and the reason why your husband behaves as "sulking" and "always likes the cold war when encountering contradictions" has the following two possibilities.
The first possibility is that he is not strong in his own language expression and does not know how to express his inner thoughts, so he has any thoughts in his heart; the second possibility is that he has spoken to you before, but you don't think so, ignore his emotions, and even tit-for-tat, give him some negative responses, so he is reluctant to open up to you again.
In these two possible cases, he can only use the Cold War method to face the contradictions and differences between you. On the one hand, he can calm his emotions and make the attitude of both of you less tense; on the other hand, cold violence is also a punishment for you, and since you ask for emotional value first, he instinctively wants to ask you for emotional value in this way to achieve a balance in the relationship.
If you want to increase the concentration of feelings and avoid a cold war with your husband, you must start from the causes of the cold war and fundamentally solve the problem.
First of all, you need to improve your perception ability, which is immediately perceived when his negative emotions first emerge; secondly, you also need to improve your emotional intelligence, guide your husband to speak his inner thoughts, and solve problems in a gentle way; finally, you must learn to provide emotional value to the other party, do his explanation flower, and make him willing to communicate with you again.
If you can't do the above, but maintain a state of no communication with your husband for a long time, then your marriage will be very dangerous. In the unlikely event that there is an empathetic girl in his life who can relieve his negative emotions and let him open the conversation box to provide him with emotional value instead of you, your position will face a huge challenge. (Although looking at your husband's appearance, this is unlikely)
In fact, your husband's "parental investment is large, in addition to making money is to accompany the children" usually and your feelings are also good, indicating that he is a very responsible, responsible boy. People like him are perfectly entitled to a partner who makes him happy and provides him with emotional value. It is recommended that you do your duty, cherish such a husband, and do not let the blessings in hand fly away.
Question 2
Keywords: shaken to marriage
Hello sister doll and all the little sisters
I am 35 years old, 162 years tall, master's degree, and a teacher in a vocational school.
Husband 36 years old, height 170, bachelor's degree, police station minjing.
Provincial capital city, flash marriage just one year, currently in preparation for pregnancy, each of them have a caravan before marriage, after marriage to live in my room, he room rental. The original family is my county he rural, my parents have pensions and give me RV support, his parents farming without pension, not much financial support for him, he has a brother married and has two children The economy is not very good.
My Appeal:
After marriage, it is found that marrying a rural area and the two brothers' family is a pit, the in-laws have a very heavy view of money, do not bear the cost of etiquette when they get married, only borrow the money of the husband to buy a ring, always educate the husband to be filial piety, help the brother's family, and the problem of pension in the future;
What makes me most uncomfortable is that I feel that they are full of calculations, such as the money to buy a wedding ring, the money for the decoration of his house, the in-laws and brothers and sisters in the usual interactions do not have any civilized and humble cultivation, the family is keen to play cards, the family style is not good, the husband also plays the heart to play cards online games, the original family concept is very strong, there is no small family concept, and I pursue a democratic, humanistic family style.
I used to think that rural people are very simple, now I feel too naïve, I am a little shaken about this marriage, I am afraid that I will be too tired in the future, please ask the doll teacher to point out the mystery, the photo is hidden, thank you!
In fact, depending on your personal conditions, each one is better. Your higher education has read a master's degree, the teaching profession is decent and organized, your parents have a pension and give you RV support, according to common sense, such a condition without shortcomings should be very conducive to mate selection. But even under such conditions, you are still 35 years old to get married, which shows that you really lack shear sex and it is difficult to enter marriage.
You have been stumbling for so many years, it is difficult to find a partner who can get married, and the other half that matches you will most likely be "screened" by his peers for several rounds of remaining candidates, and there must be some deficiencies in his body. In particular, his conditions look very good at first glance, and he looks very handsome (really handsome, it can be said that the small eyes are yellow and clear), which shows that his body must hide shortcomings that other girls are unwilling to accept.
Sure enough, when you enter the marriage, you find that "marrying to the countryside and the two brothers' family is a pit", very dissatisfied with the financial situation of his family that needs help, and feels stressed and tired. But in a way, you should be thankful for the situation in his home. If he did not have such a hidden shortcoming, I am afraid that he would have been picked up by other girls a long time ago, and it would not be your turn to choose at all.
In other words, it was his flaws that allowed you to stay in the marriage. If you divorce him, the object of re-selection of a spouse must be much worse than him. The reason is very simple, in the past fifteen years, as a first marriage, you have never found an only child who meets your requirements in all aspects, can be consistent with your "democratic and humanistic family style", and has superior family conditions and a house and a car. Now that you're older and have a history of marriage, can you find a better, more desirable partner?
And since you have chosen an eldest son who is born in the countryside, whose parents have no pension, and whose brother's economic conditions are not very good, you should be prepared to supplement the in-laws in the future. After all, the blood relationship is constant, his relatives need help, and he will certainly not stand idly by. And instead of ringing the alarm bell, you quickly married this "rotten big apple", not because you are "too naïve", but because you are "too greedy". When he saw the object of high climbing, he gave up the investigation and did not want to take up the naked reality.
Judging from your entire question, you don't know much about relationships and marriage, and you got into marriage by luck. And after entering the marriage, you will not admit to paying for your choices, nor do you know how to run the marriage. What's even more frightening is that you don't think there is a problem with your body at all, but instead look simple and innocent, and even move the "family style" out to say things.
However, disgust and pickiness do not solve the problem, and your MV is simply not enough to criticize the "family style". You are now shaken by marriage and can certainly get a divorce, but divorce is not the way to solve the problem. How you will live your life after the divorce, and whether it will be better than it is now, these are all questions worth considering. You are now 35 years old, even if you get pregnant immediately, you are still a proper elderly mother, is it easy to find a divorce? It's really hard for you. It is likely that after a few years of hesitation, find a divorced and two-child, then the child will never have the opportunity to have a child in this life.
It is recommended that you still learn the theory of feelings, manage your current life well with your heart, and love what you have.
Old powder advanced
Question 3
Keywords: Phoenix Man
Hello, is it true that the phoenix man must be the shearing cloth, and the clipping cloth is not necessarily the phoenix man?
Phoenix men are not necessarily 100% of the cut cloth, and a very small part may be cloth cutters, such as "Tony" from a poor rural family after entering the big city, with the eloquence of the tongue lotus and the aesthetics of fashion trends, earned the first bucket of gold in life, and gradually developed and expanded his career, which belongs to the typical cloth scissors phoenix man.
However, because this kind of person is also older when they get married, they also change the shear cloth, so it still belongs to a kind of scissors. (Cloth cut cut cloth, encounter the cloth stone, finally close the heart, you can refer to George Clooney (did not say that he is the meaning of the phoenix man, but used to let everyone understand the change of cloth cut to cut cloth)
But one thing is certain, phoenix men must have both scissors and cloth sex, otherwise they would not be able to get ahead of the poor original family. Without one of them, they can't become a "phoenix."
As for the statement that "the cut cloth is not necessarily a phoenix man", it is correct. There are many boys from first-tier cities, whose families are superior, whose education and emotional intelligence are high, and who are also proper cloth-cutting men. Their situation certainly does not belong to the phoenix man, so the cut cloth is not necessarily the phoenix man.
In short, judging a person's attributes cannot be simply and rudely looked at only one aspect. Because many times the "formula" is correct, but the "number" is wrong. So be sure to understand it deeply. If it is really difficult to understand, it is best to look at the other party's long choice to assist in judgment.
Question 4
Keywords: mate selection
Hello Sister Doll! As a new fan, I am working hard to learn about the sexes. At present, there are two questions I would like to ask~ ~
My daughter, only child, single parent (mother left last year), 28 years old, 152cm, 50kg, civil servant, annual income of 25-30w (recent salary cut I don't know if it will be made up after the return), self-evaluation looks are acceptable.
Before there was a boyfriend who had been in a very affectionate relationship for four years, but when he wanted to turn back after the breakup, he was already with his girlfriend, so he missed the best age to choose a mate, and also met the sea king who would meet at this age, deeply affected, and now he is very confused about what kind of love he should look for. I hope that the doll sister can give me some directions, how should I choose the long-term selection object? I always feel that high is not low, is it unrealistic fantasy has been punishing myself?
The second problem is that since I have always been single, I have also participated in activities with friends, sometimes late (about once every two weeks), whenever I come home after eleven o'clock (reported in advance), my dad will frantically look for me, because I don't want to theorize with him He will endlessly bombard me with ugly words, I think an adult has no problem coming home at one o'clock in the case of a report, not going to a bar, why is he so resistant? Sister Doll can point out how to ease the relationship with her father, every time he is angry, I am helpless.
