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Why do some men "kneel and lick" so willingly in their feelings?

There is such a passage in "The World of Man", which is deeply believed:

"From the moment you are born, what bowl you serve, what meal you eat, what you experience, when you marry whom, are all fixed numbers, don't be too embarrassed about yourself, just go with the flow."

You read the script of life in heaven, and the reason why you chose this script is because there is something in this life that you think is worthwhile. ”

Some men don't know what it is for, they have to put themselves in a humble position in their feelings, but love is not sought after all.

Of course, to promote a relationship, one party must take the initiative first. But the same is chasing girls, the same dating, watching movies, please eat, send flowers, send gifts, why some people are chasing, while some people are hard to chase into "licking"?

Let me tell you, what are the criteria for defining chase and licking? The reason is very simple: all "licking" is to make up their own minds without the approval of others, and to force the other party to accept it in a weak way.

Just like the old three Qitian in "Chasing the Love Family", in order to chase the goddess Dong Yiyi in his heart, he can be good to her without a bottom line. Even in order to be good to her, he also wronged his old father and family.

Qi Tian is selfish, if he personally has the ability, how to "lick" others has no right to accuse, but he wants to lose the people around him at all costs.

Does Qi Tian really love the goddess Dong Yiyi so much? On the surface, it is. But when it comes to the kernel, Qi Tian is still for himself.

For their own dreams, have illusions

Dong Yiyi is a dream that he has been chasing for ten years, and in order to realize the dream, he will not hesitate to abandon the dignity of a man and play the role of a victim of "kneeling and licking".

And he plays this role, which is nothing more than trying to control the other half of his pursuit. Make the other person feel guilty and compromise with yourself.

But why do I say that this is a fantasy of Qi Tian? In fact, Qi Tian also understands in his heart that a girl who can love with others and make you wait for ten years can she really have you in her heart?

It is precisely because it is a fantasy, so dong Yiyi's opportunity to give Qi Tian is only an illusion of his. When Dong Yiyi didn't want to use him anymore, his dream naturally woke up.

Knowing that the conditions do not match, inferiority

After Qi Tian's second sister-in-law Xiao Nan met Dong Yiyi, she gave a firm and accurate evaluation: "This girl, Qi Tian can't catch it." ”

And Qi Tian and Xiao Nan who knows Dong Yiyi more deeply? Xiao Nan, who has only had one side of the relationship, or is it Qi Tian, who studies her preferences in her photos every day, and surrounds him for ten years?

The reason why Qi Tian forced his father to sell his house and buy a mansion was because he really knew Dong Yiyi too well, but the problem was that he was unwilling to face it.

Just like Cui Yingjun, the husband of "Perfect Relationship", Lisdella, waits for his wife's food, clothing, shelter and transportation before and after the saddle at home, and even kneels to put shoes on his wife, but behind this kneeling lick is because of the mismatch, because Cui Yingjun needs to rely on his wife in life and work to survive.

Paranoia of love, sunk costs

Qi Tian often says in the play, this is the goddess I have been chasing for ten years.

Indeed, in the past ten years, Qi Tian has paid a lot, regardless of whether the way he paid was correct or not. Energy, time, money.

This involves the concept of a "sunk cost", which is already a thing of the past, a cost that can never be recovered.

Many people fall into a vicious circle, the paranoia of love, precisely because of the unwillingness to give these efforts. But he forgot, let go, in order to escape from this vicious circle.

Stopping the loss in time is actually a difficult thing to do, and many people will fall into remorse and entanglement, because most people expect that their efforts will be rewarded.

In the end, Dong Yiyi did not want Qi Tian to disturb his life, about Qi Tian came out, and under her gentle compulsion, Qi Tian helplessly deleted Dong Yiyi's WeChat.

After all, Qi Tian didn't love Dong Yiyi so much. Qi Tian's "kneeling licking" is essentially for himself. In the later plot, it is said that Qi Tian is in love with Xiao Mu again and can come out so quickly, maybe Qi Tian is just an obsession with Dong Yiyi.

Going back to the "kneeling licking" thing, it turns out that most kneeling licking is useless.

There are many men who have "licked" and now wake up to the opposite, thinking that they must have a personality and cannot follow girls.

Let's say a girl asks you to pick her up, and you don't go. This is also very unnecessary, chasing girls, if you have been cold in the end it is easy to be cold.

But how can you not let your "chase" become "lick"?

First of all, it is necessary to ask for the consent of the other party, which does not mean that she agrees to you as her boyfriend, but emotionally, she is not rejecting you, avoiding you, or disgusting you.

Second, we must be clear about the shortcomings of our personality, and then make up for them.

Again, do things with your brain. Routines are not easy to use all the time, and rigid sets cannot achieve good results. Some feelings must be from the heart, and these other parties can feel them.

Finally, improve yourself. I don't want to say more about this, the material foundation determines the superstructure, determines the spiritual world, and also determines your mode of getting along.

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The world is so big, thank you, you can see me!

[Wen | Wei Wei'an: the pen has temperature, for the voice of emotion, an atypical writer who loves words, invites you to perceive life together]

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