Qi Tianyou and Xiao Nan in "Chasing the Love Family" are divorced again.
After the divorce came out, Xiao Nan's first words to Qi Tianyou were: "The first time you left was because of the three views, and this time you left because of the three, Qi Tianyou, you are related to the three." ”
To tell the truth, in the period before the divorce, Qi Tianyou's performance was really disappointing, he hid his wife to meet with his ex-girlfriend, in order to divorce at the expense of borrowing 800,000 yuan everywhere, he said that he wanted to change his way of life, these, people have to suspect that he insisted on divorce because of Xu Xin's return.
But this is not the case, his marriage to Xiao Nan, there are indeed problems. But their main problem, that is, the real reason for their divorce, is not that the three views are different, let alone because of the third party.
Let's first look at their "three views" problem.
Judging from their own cultural level, job type, and how they live in the world, there are indeed differences between Xiao Nan and Qi Tianyou. Xiao Nan is a businessman, understands the world, and is accustomed to solving problems in a sophisticated way of thinking; Qi Tianyou is a cultural person, arrogant, and he is not accustomed to those sleek and sophisticated ways of solving problems.
In this way, the two of them do have a certain degree of difference in three views.
However, the question of the three views is really a problem with strong plasticity. What kind of couple do you say is the same as the three views? Will there be two people in this world who have exactly the same three views? In fact, there is no standard for this "consistency", and no one can say exactly what percentage of the consistency can achieve marital happiness.
Xiao Nan and Qi Tianyou had some differences in their three views, but their different degrees were far from reaching the point where they could not get by. Although Xiao Nan did her own business, she was very supportive of her husband's work and was proud of her husband; although Qi Tianyou was high and could not get used to Xiao Nan's copper odor, he still supported and respected her to open a shop and volunteered to undertake most of the housework.
Such two people, although they inevitably bump into each other and have differences, these contradictions are not irreconcilable. As long as their basic pursuits, cognitive ability to recognize right and wrong, and recognition of moral order and good customs are not much different, then the three views of the problem will not become an inevitable factor in divorce.
In fact, the trivial things that really fill married life can rarely rise to such a height, and most of us will only resent each other because we are not considerate and tolerant enough, which is not caused by the difference in the three views. Those couples who divorce because of the difference in the three views, nine times out of ten, are only looking for a grandiose excuse.
Let's look at their "three" problems.
The reason why many people are obsessed with their first love is not because the first love is really so beautiful, but because they are dissatisfied with the current relationship or marriage.
Of course, such dissatisfaction is not necessarily that the other party is inferior to the first love, or that the other party has done something wrong, but to a large extent is caused by his own personality or perspective on the problem. If a person is always staring at the shortcomings of his lover and nitpicking, then no matter who he is with, he will be dissatisfied with the status quo.
Qi Tianyou is such a person. It is not that he does not love Xiao Nan, from the time he moved away after the divorce, he did not forget to remind Xiao Nan that the snail powder in the refrigerator can be seen that he loves Xiao Nan, but he is dissatisfied with Xiao Nan.
He always saw Xiao Nan's sophistication, the copper smell, and felt that there was no way to reason with her, and Xiao Nan did not understand what he wanted. And Xiao Nan's bluntness and frankness, his dead heart to him, and his spare energy for him and their family, these advantages he will selectively ignore.
Therefore, he will treat his first love as a white moonlight, which has been hidden in his heart. But this did not mean that he was disloyal to Xiao Nan. In fact, we can also see that after knowing that Xu Xin returned, he still cared about Xiao Nan's feelings, he first avoided Xu Xin, and later told Xu Xin many times that Xiao Nan's relationship with them was more tense and he wanted to reduce contact with her.
It's just that sometimes, he really doesn't know how to deal with this relationship, for example, he will take advantage of Xiao Nan's absence to meet Xu Xin, and also say some words to Xu Xin that are dissatisfied with Xiao Nan, which is very inappropriate. But in essence, he hadn't thought about what was going to happen to Xu Xin, that's for sure.
Therefore, there is no problem of "three" between them, and Qi Tianyou's divorce is definitely not because he wants to go back to Xu Xin, at best Xu Xin is just a reference object, allowing him to expand his dissatisfaction with Xiao Nan.
The real cause of divorce.
From remarriage to divorce again, in fact, a series of contradictions between Xiao Nan and Qi Tianyou spread around the core of promotion to department head.
Qi Tianyou became a candidate for the head of the department, and Xiao Nan had to invite his colleagues to dinner after he knew it, and gave gifts to everyone, which made Qi Tianyou feel very embarrassed, and he was very dissatisfied with Xiao Nan's approach.
Later, when Gao Yi's incident happened, Xiao Nan was afraid of affecting Qi Tianyou's promotion, insisted on private reconciliation, and sold the store privately without consulting with Qi Tianyou, making up enough for 800,000 yuan to give to Gao Yi's parents.
Later, Gao Yi slandered Qi Tianyou for having an improper relationship with Xu Xiaomu, and the publicity of Qi Tianyou's promotion to department head was interrupted, and Xiao Nan went to the school to make a big fuss despite Qi Tianyou's obstruction.
In the end, Qi Tianyou resigned without Xiao Nan, and the two sides decided to divorce.
If we connect this series of events, it is not difficult for us to find that the contradiction between Xiao Nan and Qi Tianyou is essentially that Xiao Nan always wants to meddle in Qi Tianyou's affairs, make decisions for him, and take care of interpersonal relations, while Qi Tianyou is very resistant to Xiao Nan's interference.
One always wants to be one with each other, regardless of each other, and everything must be arranged for each other, and the other always wants to have independent space and freedom, maintaining certain boundaries, which is the biggest problem in their marriage and the real reason for their divorce. In the final analysis, it is that the expectations of the couple for intimate relationships are not the same.
What Xiao Nan wants is the kind of marriage state that is not defensive against each other, has no scruples, and does not distinguish between you and me, and the strength of her personality also makes her ignore Qi Tianyou's expectations for marriage, which will make Qi Tianyou feel that she has been compromising, until in the end there is no way to compromise, and divorce has become the only way out.
What does this mean?
In marriage, the three views are different, or there is such a thing as a "third party", of course, there will be, and indeed it will have a great impact on the relationship between husband and wife, but such a principle issue is not easy to be ignored. Because it is not easy to ignore, it has a high degree of prevention.
And those problems that are really easy to be ignored are often filled with trivialities in life, looking disorganized, harmless, and accumulating more, it will be difficult to return.
Such a small thing often represents people's expectations for marriage and the expectations of partners, although it does not reach the height of the three views, but it also has a fatal impact on marriage. If we always ignore such small things, then what we are essentially ignoring is the feelings and needs of our partners in marriage.
How long can a marriage that always runs counter to your feelings and needs last?
So, when you are in a marriage and have a disagreement with your lover, or your lover makes you dissatisfied, be sure to communicate in time and actively resolve it, and don't feel that it doesn't matter if it's just a small thing. It is necessary to see the lover's expectations for marriage in time, but also to reflect on their strengths and shortcomings at all times.
Of course, we also need to understand that the expectations of intimate relationships are different, there is no absolute who is right and who is wrong, as long as we see the problem, do each other tolerance and compromise with each other, both sides can achieve common ground while reserving differences, our marriage can move in a better direction.
About the author: Meet and miss, a woman who likes to read and write, focusing on the creation of articles in the emotional field and the analysis and answer of emotional questions, I hope that my words can accompany you warmly forward.