Want to know how girls can navigate their relationships? Quite simply, open up the pattern and be a strong person. Of course, this strong person is not about how strong you are going to be, or how to control him, but to be a giver and make him inseparable from you.
I found that those girls who always suffer from loss and loss in love relationships have a commonality, that is, they are accustomed to pinning their joys and sorrows on men, and whether they are happy or not depends on how men treat her.
But this is actually a very scary thing, you think, this man's every move can involve your emotions, his words, an action can make you guess for half a day, then you have this mentality to fall in love, but also want to pinch men?
Wake up, a woman with a real strong mindset, their attitude towards men is dismissive, how can they be dismissive? It is "what kind of love experience a man can get, it is up to me to decide".
This is actually a kind of "symbiotic love", what does it mean? Assuming that a person needs 100 points of love, then they can be self-sufficient to 70 points, while others only need to give 30 points.
They never need others to provide anything for themselves, and even sometimes, they can "give" something to others in turn, as to whether to give or not, it depends on how the man behaves.
I have a friend who is like this, relying on this trick to pinch her boyfriend to death.
She said that she has a trick in the relationship, that is, she will never be stingy with "coaxing" boys, every time there is a conflict, she must go to coax first, and friends around her also say that her posture is too low, love is so humble, but in fact, only she knows in her heart that the maintenance of this relationship depends entirely on whether she coaxes or not.
It's like a lot of girls who have a conflict in love are waiting for boys to coax, thinking that they are coaxed to be the one who gets love, but what is the truth? The truth is that once the boys don't coax it, their love is also taken away.
Isn't that scary? You want me to coax you, isn't that just proof that you need me to love you? This is the real inseparable performance, a completely passive state, as long as I leave you, the sudden sense of loss can make you crazy every minute.
So got it? In the relationship, the "giving party" is the real highest, because he can provide value and can decisively withdraw the value he provides, while whether to provide or withdraw depends on the performance of the other half.
Of course, there is a point you need to understand here, that is, giving is not flattering, and your starting point must be to please yourself, not for men.
Many people think that flattery is "giving", but it is a big mistake to be wrong girls, what is "giving"? Giving is what you say, do, the purpose is to let him enjoy the feeling of being liked by you, it is what you want to give, you give, this is to provide emotional value, let him slowly addicted.
And what about flattery? To please is to let the other party remember your kindness to him, remember your efforts, you want him to return to you, so you go to give, which is to ask for emotional value.
For example, when your boyfriend is stressed at work, you send a message saying "Baby you are too hard, I will always accompany you", if you send this message to get his response, such as "you are so nice, really considerate, I am so touched".
Once he doesn't respond like this, you will be very angry, then you do this, in fact, you are not caring about him, but in order to let him know your good, remember your efforts, this is a disguised "please", is to ask for emotional value, not to provide.
So got it? The essential difference between "giving" and "flattering" is that the people who please do things are hoping to get the other party's feedback and love, and the "giver" will be the same to a certain extent, but they will not affect the mood because of the other party's bad feedback, they do anything, depending on their mood, there is the ability to give, there is also the ability to take back at any time, they only pay attention to whether they are happy in the current state of love, whether they have gains.
This is also why I often say that smart women are not humble in love, because they are clear in their hearts, knowing that instead of thinking about how to make men love me more every day, it is better to think more about what this man can bring me, and how can this relationship achieve a better self?
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C