Lead attention
As the saying goes, "men should get married, women should get married", marriage is a big thing in life. Both men and women, once they have not married or given birth at the age of 30, the neighbors, parents and relatives have become more anxious than you yourself. I am afraid that you will be "left" at home and become a "big trouble" that cannot be done.
However, today's post-90s and post-00s women would rather be single and urged to marry than marry hastily, and some women even start the idea of not marrying and infertile.
In this regard, the book "Low Society" explains that the proportion of singles has risen because today's men and women have lost their enthusiasm for life. Therefore, "indecency" is not only the low income, but also its interpersonal communication ability, life ability, work enthusiasm, willingness to learn, consumption desire, etc., all of which have become inferior to ordinary people.
When you think about it, this is not without reason.
A person has lost enthusiasm for life, who will get married and have children? However, in contrast, at this stage, the post-90s and post-00s women, they are full of vitality when they are struggling in the workplace, and they are enthusiastic when they are staggered with friends, they live exquisitely and dress beautifully, and they have no decadence of losing enthusiasm for life.
Say that such women have entered the "vulgar" stage? It is indeed an overstatement.
So why are today's post-90s and post-00s women willing to be urged to marry than unmarried and infertile? This article will combine the following three points to discuss this problem.
Of course, marriage does have the function of class mobility. Some women who are not very independent and do not want to change the quality of life through their own efforts want to change the second half of their lives through marriage and childbearing. Therefore, it is understandable that they will try their best to cater to men.
Because of the marriage of these people, it is a transaction in itself. There is no such thing as equality between men and women, it is only a simple sense of "resource replacement", so the women in the new era of the post-90s and post-00s discussed in this article do not include this part of the people.
1. "Changeable" men,
Make women despair about marriage
As the saying goes: "Men are afraid of entering the wrong line, and women are afraid of marrying the wrong man." "A lot of women don't want to get married, they don't dare to get married. When asked why post-90s and post-00s women would postpone marriage and childbearing, or never marry for life, Gao Zan replied, "Look, the domestic violence today?" ”
In the past few days, the employees of a company in Xi'an have beaten the child's mother in front of the child, which has aroused heated discussion. A male employee who was in the company in Su Rili returned home with a different face. It seems that demons and angels, before tearing off their masks, are really illegible.
Before marriage, the man was also considerate. The mouth says "I raise you", and the heart reads "it's all you". However, there is no gratuitous love in this world, and all the gifts have long been marked with a price tag.
Women never dream that the generous and considerate "satisfactory person" in the past will become a miserly and grumpy "debt collector" after marriage. He can write off all the women's efforts as a stay-at-home mother, or he can completely fail to remember all the previous commitments to you.
In short, he can become what you didn't know overnight.
In their eyes, "raising you" has become an unworthy thing. At this time, once you have become their "appendage", it is impossible to get respect and understanding. Men will only feel that everything you have is given by him and will not remember the sacrifices you have made for him and for this family. So, he has the right to do anything to you.
Song Siming in "Snail Residence" is like this.
When Song Siming was poor and white, it was the original Jiang Miaomiao who accompanied him step by step to today. After becoming famous, Song Siming forgot all the efforts of Jiang Miaomiao, and also forgot the hard days they had spent together. Instead, he ran to the seaweed that did not love him, but would only use him.
Men's "changeable" has made post-90s and post-00s women find that there is no immutable feeling in this world. Men may only care about themselves, even the body, and not the feelings at all.
In the book 11 Men Say to Psychologists, counselor Brandy Engler receives many men who are emotionally troubled. In the process, Brandi discovers that men spend their entire lives just looking for a woman who suits them. Even if they fall in love with a woman, there is no guarantee that the man will remain physically loyal.
Since what men need is a woman who suits them. Then the type of woman they desire in their hearts will be different at different times. When they are down, they need women who can take care of them and help them; when they succeed, they need women who can make them happy and make them happy.
So in this case, once the women around, can not meet their expectations. Men change. At this time, people with a low sense of morality usually go around and seek comfort; while people with a high sense of morality, although they keep their physical loyalty, they cannot control their spiritual disgust.
"Changeable" men make women feel frightened and insecure. After seeing the uncertainty and betrayal again and again, the post-90s and post-00s women are full of despair about marriage. That's why they think it's far better not to marry than to marry the wrong person.
2. Inequality of the relationship between men and women in family life,
Let women swing between marriage and unmarried
People are eager for freedom, especially for the post-90s and post-00s new era women. However, in family life, the unequal relationship between men and women makes marriage a problem. Post-90s and post-00s women in the new era do not want to continue to be victims of "backward" marriage forms, so they choose not to marry.
I believe that "not getting married" is not what they want, but the unbearable weight in marriage has swallowed up the beauty of marriage, so that women in the new era of post-90s and post-00s who are eager for independence and freedom have to find a comfortable living state.
Therefore, in my opinion, the key to solving the problem of post-90s and post-00s women's inmarried infertility lies in eliminating the inequality of male-female relationships in family life and changing the old form of marriage.
What is feminism useful? "Many modern feminists argue that as long as marriage exists in a backward form, it can never provide equality for men and women in heterosexual relationships--- because it deprives wives of their surnames, independence, and freedom when they become part of a patriarchal unit." ”
What is the "backward" form of marriage?
Before answering this question, let's first look at the family life patterns of ordinary people, what is it? In this regard, women's rights activist Judy Brady explained it realistically and explicitly in the article "I want to beg for a wife":
"I want to get a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want to get a wife who will make my home clean and tidy. She will take care of my children. Will take care of me too. I want to get a wife who will wash and iron, tinker, replace if necessary, and she will put my belongings in the right place so that I can find them immediately when I need them. ”
In the old form of marriage, the wife seemed to become a "superman.".
It is ridiculous that for decades, even hundreds of years, some women have been pursuing this perfect housewife ideal.
After entering the 21st century, when men want to continue to add this little poem, "I want to get a wife, she will work to earn money, and I share all the living expenses." She would save money and buy me my favorite game gear", when strange things happened.
Women who want to be "superhuman" in marriage have taken the task with trepidation.
Ye Xiaowei in "Spring Warm Blossoms" is like this. The son is frail and sick, and the husband works in a foreign country. Ye Xiaowei took care of her children while going to work, and she was alone to bear the burden of her mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and she did not feel that there was anything wrong with it.
The same is true of Zhang Zhizhi in "Dear Myself". In order to support the family and take care of the children, do a simple, unchallenging job. There are only a few pieces of clothes that can be changed in the four seasons, and the money earned is reluctant to spend, but it is necessary to subsidize the mother-in-law's family. A little bit of poor care, but also by the husband merciless reprimand.
The money they earn cannot be spent by themselves, and taking care of the family, children and mother-in-law seems to have become a woman's business. In such a situation, post-90s and post-00s women look at it with both fear and anger. They want to change, but they know that their strength is weak, so they slowly reject marriage.
In the fourth season of House of Cards, Claire is asked by a young mother, "Do you regret not having children?" Claire asked, "Do you regret having a baby?" ”
So far, there are still many women who believe that only by having children can they realize the value of women. Biologically speaking, the essence of marriage is indeed to have children.
However, today's post-90s and post-00s women do not think so. Because they are more concerned about their independence and growth than procreation.
As a result, they have no enthusiasm for procreation.
As in "What is feminism useful?" "A truly independent woman does not need to define her identity by mother or wife, she defines herself through her own choices, neither with the help of children nor men, but by self-identification, and by her own choices." ”
3. Compression of personal space,
Make women discouraged from marriage
There is a theory in psychology called the "hedgehog effect", which emphasizes the "psychological distance" in interpersonal communication.
"The two hedgehogs had to rely on each other for warmth, and at first because the distance was too close, their respective thorns stabbed each other bloody, and then they adjusted their posture and pulled away from each other at an appropriate distance, which not only warmed each other, but also protected each other well."
It is often heard that both men and women have completely lost their own personal space because of their families and children.
Dreams that have not yet been realized when I was young, the fruits of my career struggles, and the interests that can make me feel happy. How can you be happy when you have to give up all this because of your family and children? How can an unhappy, resentful mother educate an optimistic, healthy child?
After hearing such a sentence, I feel that it is very correct: "The essence of a good marriage is not love, but a symbiotic relationship." ”
The so-called "symbiosis" in marriage should be a relationship of not disturbing each other, assisting each other, and working together for a win-win situation. Rather than trying to compress one person's personal space to fulfill another person's freedom.
Remember the 56-year-old aunt Su Min who ran away from home and "traveled by car"?
For decades, Su Min has lived for her husband, for her children, and for her grandchildren. You have to work outside the home, you have to run the housework, and you have to endure the face of your husband. For a long time, Su Min was not happy because she had no freedom at all.
From the taste of the meal to the cost of living, Su Min had no right to decide. It wasn't until she drove away and went around other cities that Su Min regained her taste of freedom and smiled again.
In real life, there are many "Su Min". Post-90s and post-00s women, while encouraging Aunt Su Min, told themselves that they were wary of being compressed by marriage and had lost their freedom. But marriage is a matter for two people, and with respect for your partner, you simply cannot decide your own freedom.
So, slowly, in the disappointment of "the Tao is different and not conspiratorial", post-90s and post-00s women began to be discouraged from marriage and childbearing.
Romain Rolland said: "There is only one kind of heroism in life, that is, after recognizing the truth of life, still love life. ”
So, after recognizing the nature of marriage, can you devote yourself to marriage without hesitation? This probably requires a lot of courage from post-90s and post-00s women.