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A person who truly loves you will give you happiness through his own efforts, rather than requiring you to break the bottom line again and again to wronged yourself.
—— Lord Xiao Shu
Text | Xiao Shu Adult Picture | Source network
Joy or sorrow - there I have always been with you
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Have you ever loved someone and humbled to dust?
Zhang Ailing said: "Loving a person will put down one's body and become humble, even humble to the dust." ”
Love is such a magic that people lose themselves and let go of everything.
However, although love is intoxicating, we must not forget the bottom line of being a person when we pursue it.
Just like Zhang Ailing's statement on love: "I can tolerate, give in, and endure, but there must be a bottom line." ”
Being born as a human being, only by maintaining the bottom line can we win dignity and not be underestimated.
No matter who it is, if you want to get love, you must have a bottom line, in order to get the respect and sincerity of the other party.
So, be a person with a bottom line in love. Love someone again, and when he does this to you, you should leave with a cruel heart.
01
When he touched you
It is said that domestic violence is only zero times and countless times.
I don't know if you remember the TV series "Don't Talk to Strangers" many years ago? Inside, Anjia and Really can be regarded as childhood shadows.
It looks polite and medically skilled, giving people a feeling of harmlessness to humans and animals. But when I came home and beat my wife behind closed doors, the fierceness and extreme psychological distortion made people shudder.
If so, what is the most terrible thing about marriage and love? Undoubtedly, it is to meet a husband or lover who has violent tendencies.
Psychologists have found that men with domestic violence tendencies are usually very strong in their desire to control, and they will treat women as their own possessions, even "pets".
Like Anjiahe in the play, he sets his wife as his personal belongings. So, when the wife comes into contact with other men, he can't stand it.
Moreover, the suspicion of such people is still very heavy, and they often suspect gods and ghosts.
Friend Lily, who accidentally interacted with a "domestic violence man" before.
In the beginning, when her boyfriend went out, she would call from time to time to inquire, and she felt quite warm. But then, her boyfriend's behavior became more and more excessive.
Lily is very distressed, and her boyfriend often gets up in the middle of the night to peek at her mobile phone, and also tracks her and installs a location on her mobile phone.
He became suspicious when she got late from work, and it was even worse to see her talking to other men.
Once, Lily was late communicating with a male colleague because of work, and her boyfriend was out of control and moved on her.
Later, the boyfriend apologized to her and said he cared too much about her. Lily softened and forgave him once. Unexpectedly, the other party has intensified, and the desire to control her can be said to be perverted, and he often does something to her.
Unbearable, Lily eventually fled the man.
In fact, no matter whether the other party has a violent tendency, when he does something to you, it means that he does not care in his heart, or even takes you seriously.
Some psychologists have frankly said: "When a man does something to his wife or lover, he is either mentally ill or does not love." And as long as he moves once, there will certainly be countless more. ”
So, no matter how much you love him, when he behaves like this, please leave him as soon as possible.
02
Constantly denying you
A word of encouragement can make a person, but a word of negation is enough to destroy a person.
Especially for those closest to him, his praise can make people feel that everything is worth it. Similarly, the damage caused by his denial is multiplied.
The most hurtful thing about intimacy is constant blowing and denying.
My friend complained to me, saying that he couldn't live with her husband and wanted a divorce.
The friend was a girl from the countryside who was admitted to the civil service after graduating from college. In the eyes of outsiders, she is beautiful and capable, but at home she is often disliked by her husband.
When buying clothes, her husband will think that she has poor taste: "It is true that she came from the countryside and wore real soil." ”
She wants to buy a skin care product, and her husband will also hit her: "People buy skin care products because the skin is still saved, your skin is not saved, what is the use of buying?" ”
Once, the leader sent her a task, and it was very likely that she would be promoted if she did well. But when she came home and shared with her husband
While enjoying the news, her husband unceremoniously gave her a basin of cold water.
He said: "How does the leader think, the task is entrusted to you and you want to complete, what will you do?" If you can't do anything well, don't hurt the leader when the time comes. ”
Her friend was devastated, she said: "Now I often doubt myself, dare not match my own clothes, do not dare to be plain when I go out, feel that I am not good at anything, and I can't do anything well." She fell into deep self-doubt.
There was once a very famous psychological experiment:
Place a dog in an electric iron cage that periodically discharges to irritate the dog. In order to gain freedom, the dog constantly tries to open the door of the cage and is constantly shocked by electric shocks.
After a while, the dog gradually gave up, and even later the cage door opened, and the dog did not dare to go out.
When a person, in an environment of constant blows, ends up like a dog in a cage, he doesn't even have the courage to go out.
Because, you have developed self-denial.
Some people say that if you want to abolish a person, you don't need violence, you can just fight negation. Indeed it is.
As the saying goes: "There is a dragon spring on the tongue, and there is no blood in the killing." ”
No matter who it is, if you want to live well, it is very important to have a good mindset.
So, when he keeps hitting and denying you, you have to stay away from him.
03
When he betrayed you
"Betrayal, like domestic violence, is only zero times and countless times." This is a sentence that many people agree with, although it is not 100% true, but it is true most of the time.
Because when he puts your feelings aside, moves his heart to others, and does not hesitate to hurt you, then the "betrayal" switch is completely turned on.
When a man betrays, you forgive him and see that he will change his mind, and maybe make him more unscrupulous.
Many sober women do not choose to forgive or pester, and what they do is turn around and leave.
In "Thirty Only", a woman like Gu Jia can be said to be the wife that most men dream of. However, Gu Jia, who was so beautiful, suffered the betrayal of her husband Xu Huanshan.
In the face of betrayal, Gu Jia was deeply hurt, and she believed that her contribution to her husband and family was not small. In the end, because of the betrayal of her husband, the love between the two came to an end.
I remember an author who said: "If it is true love, it will never betray, because the barrier in your heart cannot be passed." ”
Therefore, when he betrays you, it often means that you are not so important in his heart.
Even if you forgive generously, you can't erase the estrangement in your heart. It's like a mirror broken, even if it sticks well, the crack will always be there.
A reader once shared her own experience with me:
After choosing to forgive her husband for betraying her, she found herself even more angry about his betrayal.
I chose to forgive because I had loved for many years and did not want my family to be broken.
But later, she found that after being betrayed by her husband, she and her husband no longer got along the same as before. She had many suspicions, and even had many unpleasant quarrels with her husband because of doubts.
Forgiveness is not an easy task, and it is not easy to trust a betrayer again.
Like this reader, after forgiveness, life is full of suspicion, injustice, and self-doubt.
A pound of trust is not worth half a suspicion. Once the seed of doubt is planted, no one can stop it from taking root.
So, when you can't do absolute forgiveness and complete let go, leave when he shows betrayal.
04
We can give for love, but we must also stick to our own bottom line.
If a person knows how to love himself, others will love you. Therefore, do not tolerate it without a bottom line, and put yourself too low.
What are you most afraid of in love? The most afraid of losing oneself without a bottom line.
Being a person needs to have a bottom line, and love needs the same.
Therefore, in love, we must stand firm, recognize reality, and keep the bottom line. When the other person has done these things to you, even if you love again, you should consider whether to continue.
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