Text/Han Mei Yi
Figure/from the network
01
In today's society, it is already very common for the older generation to help with children, especially for those parents who are under financial pressure and have no extra money to ask for a nanny, or are worried about the nanny scolding the child and taking good care of the child, letting the elderly help with the baby is the most appropriate choice.
However, the elderly help to take children "advantages and disadvantages", the advantage is that after all, it is a close relative, the treatment of children must be sincere, so that the little couple has no worries, can be at ease to fight for the career; the disadvantage is that due to the difference in parenting methods and living habits of the two generations, living together is easy to produce some small friction.
In fact, for most families, the elderly and small couples who come to help with their children can get along very harmoniously, after all, there are too many parents who are reluctant to watch their children suffer, they can help one, and for their children will willingly swallow their own ideas, even grievances.
Of course, for small couples, whether it is your parents or your partner's parents, if they are willing to run away to help you with the child, do not ask you to understand the parents in everything, only hope that you can give your parents a certain amount of respect, do not take the parents' efforts as a matter of course, should do, in the parents tired or unwell, when there is a need, can timely "give back" to the parents some warmth, have a decent attitude.
In a family, only the parents are loving and reasonable, and the children are considerate and filial, so that the family will be happy and harmonious.
02
An unpleasant thing happened to Lily's house today.
As for the reason, it is also related to bringing children.
Lily's mother was unwell and stayed in the hospital for five consecutive days from Tuesday, and during these five days, Lily has been with her mother.
Thinking that during the mother's hospitalization, the husband had never visited the hospital, and even when he was hospitalized, he was holding his daughter upstairs and downstairs, Lily discussed with her husband, when the mother was discharged on Sunday morning, the husband must go to the hospital to pick up the mother, which is also his "expression" as a son-in-law to help his mother-in-law with the baby.
The husband promised very crisply, but who knows, when he came to the front, he did not show up until Lily could not wait to call, and it turned out that after breakfast, the husband actually took his daughter to a newly opened amusement park.
Lily was very angry at her husband's reneging on her word, and she felt that her husband was not busy taking the baby and forgetting about it for a while, but did not take her mother to heart at all.
I think that when I learned that my mother was going to be hospitalized, my husband only said lightly, "Mom, you should take care of your body", and then he claimed that it was too late to go to the hospital to accompany his mother-in-law on the grounds that he wanted to sign an important contract.
Considering that in those two days, her husband's work was indeed a little busy, and although Lily was a little dissatisfied with her husband's performance, she thought again, after all, she was her own mother, and she should take time to take care of her, and as long as her husband had time to assist her, or occasionally visit her mother, she was satisfied.
Lily thought very simply, living with two mouths, it is indispensable to cooperate with each other, not to be too calculating, to understand things to try to understand, of course, the responsibility should also be borne hard.
However, she understood and forgave her husband, but what did her husband do in those days?
Because there is also a one-and-a-half-year-old daughter, during the mother's hospitalization, Lily takes her daughter to the hospital during the day, and only when her husband is off work at night will she take her daughter home.
In those days, the husband was like picking up his daughter to and from school, every morning, he would take advantage of the fact that he would send his daughter to the hospital door before going to work, leave work at night, and then pick up his daughter from the hospital door by the way, never offered to go upstairs to the hospital to see the old mother-in-law, and even a few times, when Lily proposed to let him go, he ignored it on the grounds of "can't find a parking space" and "there is an emergency".
If it is said that during the working day, the husband is busy and has many things to visit his mother, Lily can still understand, but on the weekend, the husband still can't find an excuse, and he is unwilling to take his mother out of the hospital, Lily feels that she is really unbearable.
Although whose parents have the main responsibility, and the partner only has auxiliary obligations, as a son-in-law, is it so difficult to even look at it and say a few words of concern? What's more, from Lily's child until now, it is the mother who is helping them with the baby, the husband is lazy on weekdays, does not know how to help the old mother-in-law to share it, is it that the mother-in-law has helped so much, so long, sick and hospitalized, can not be exchanged for a thoughtful word from his son-in-law?
The more she thought about it, the more angry Lily became, and after returning home from the hospital with her mother, she ignored her mother's persuasion and angrily asked her husband, is it so difficult to take her mother-in-law out of the hospital? Isn't it important not to take the kids out yet?
The husband felt that Lily was making a big fuss, saying that Lily had told himself once, he thought that his mother-in-law would continue to live for two days, besides, he was so busy working all day, it was hard to meet the weekend, thinking about what is wrong with accompanying the child?
Seeing her husband's straight face, Lily was even more angry, "If it were the two of us who have been taking children, you don't care about my parents, I won't say anything!" But my mother helped us with a child for a year and a half, and there is no merit and hard work, right? She is sick and hospitalized, I don't ask you to take a leave of absence to take care of her for a day or two, let you go to the hospital to see her, take her out of the hospital, this request is very unreasonable? My mother-in-law didn't help us take the child for a day, she had a cold and was infused in the hospital, don't you still have to let me take my daughter and you to run back to see it? What did I say? Did you complain? Excuse no? Didn't you take a day off and help take care of your mother-in-law with you in your hometown? I don't ask you how good you are to my parents, and I don't dare to say how good I have been to my in-laws, at least for the elders, there should be the most basic respect, right? Only caring for their own parents, completely ignoring the wife's parents, is this still a husband and wife? ”
Because he didn't expect Lily to say this, and in front of his mother-in-law, her husband may feel that his face could not be hung up, so he pulled Lily to the bedroom and accused Lily of turning over old accounts.
"My mother has been in bad health, don't you know?" She didn't mean not to bring us children! Why do you mention this stubble again? Interesting? I can't go back to my hometown a few times a year, so what's wrong with catching up with my old mother getting sick and going back to see? Your mother has been in our house, you can see her every day, she is sick and you should help take care of her, if I can take the time, will I not go to see her? Originally, your mother is helping you with your children! She is taking on your responsibility and carrying it for you! Wouldn't it be okay for you to do your filial piety yourself? Why sprinkle so much anger on me? Every day to grasp this little thing to worry about most of the day, it is really convinced of you! ”
Hearing her husband say this, Lily was really angry: her mother was helping her, but was she also indirectly helping her husband? Without her old mother-in-law taking care of the child so well, can she and her husband work with peace of mind? Can you relax at home every day and just wait for food and drink?
Lily did not want to have a senseless argument with her husband anymore, she thought about it, smiled and told her husband, since her mother was helping her, then, after helping for so long, her mother should also rest well!
"I really thank you for reminding me that I should let my mother go back to my hometown to recuperate, just like my mother-in-law, and live my old age quietly and freely!" In a moment I'll ask my mom to pack her bags and take her to the station on Monday before work! ”
After saying that, Lily didn't bother to listen to her husband's explanation, opened the door and ran to the kitchen, she stopped her mother who was making lunch, let her mother have a good rest in the afternoon, pack up her things, and go back to her hometown on Monday!
The mother was worried that because she had let her daughter and son-in-law clash, and also worried that the little foreign daughter had no one to take care of, after sighing, she comforted Lily, saying that as long as Lily's two little mouths were doing well, she didn't count so much.
However, despite her mother's words, Lily still made up her mind: let her mother return to her hometown, and then she and her husband would hire a nanny!
03
I didn't expect Lily to be so decisive to let her mother-in-law return to her hometown, and her husband kept keeping, but, no matter how he explained it, Lily just threw down the next sentence", "Spend money to find a babysitter to watch the children", and there is nothing else to say.
Lily said she didn't regret her decision at all, but on the contrary, she felt that she was wise, and she said something like this:
"Before finding a nanny, we would take turns to take time off to take time at home with the children, he had his job, I also had my career, we both had similar salaries, there was no need to let one person fully bear it, after all, the child was two of us, it was time for the two of us to contribute together." I'm actually thankful to him for making me realize that he took my mother's efforts for granted. Only by letting him personally experience the pain and tiredness of bringing children, he will not feel that my mother's help this year and a half is easy, as a child, if you can't understand the elders and respect the elders, then you can't be worthy of the elders' kindness to us! In the future, even if my mother-in-law is willing to come over and help, I will say this to him! ”
In fact, in life, it is not uncommon for husband and wife to have disputes over the care of both parents and children.
There are too many people who, when filial piety to their parents, have to pull their partners to be filial, but once they are to their partners' parents, they are cold-eyed, and they can be regarded as invisible and should not see.
Many people always say that whose parents are filial piety, the partner has no obligation, after all, your parents did not raise others.
It is true that this is true, because every child has the primary responsibility for his or her parents, but if you do not respect or care for your partner's parents, then don't ask your partner to be considerate and filial to your parents.
Again, regarding the elderly helping to bring up children, many people always think that "the mother-in-law is helping the daughter, the mother-in-law is helping the son", and has nothing to do with the son-in-law and the daughter-in-law.
It is undeniable that as parents, they must be the most distressed about their children, and the ones who help them the most are also their own children, but whether it is grandma or grandma, because of their help, the little couple has more energy to fight for their careers.
The mother-in-law is helping her own daughter, but she also indirectly helps the son-in-law, because if there is no her, either the daughter and son-in-law have one person at home with the baby full-time, or they have to spend money to find a nanny, and no matter which one, for the daughter and son-in-law's family, it will invisibly increase the financial pressure.
Similarly, although the mother-in-law helps her son, she also indirectly helps her daughter-in-law.
As a husband and wife, the most important thing is to understand and support each other, when encountering difficulties, no matter which parents are willing to reach out to help, in fact, the small couple should be most grateful and respectful, rather than their own parents themselves are distressed, but the parents of their partners are wantonly called.
Just like Lily's husband, without the help of his mother-in-law, he would never be able to live as easily as he is now, for this reason, his mother-in-law is sick and hospitalized, he should also have the most basic expression: even if it is a word of concern, a visit, these are enough to make the mother-in-law and Lily feel warm.
Of course, the same is true for the daughter-in-law who has the help of her mother-in-law, if the mother-in-law helps us with the child, then, when she needs it, she must express something, and should not be like Lily's husband, who does not care about herself and hangs high.
Enjoy the "benefits" brought about by the old man's money and effort, everything is helped, but when the old man has a need, he always wants to leave aside the "no matter, no obligation" between himself and the old man, and is not willing to take the handle at all, which is not measured, but ruthless and unjust.