Hello everyone, I am Xiaocha, watching "Female Psychologist" every time there will be a new touch, triggering a new understanding. Many people say that marriage is the graveyard of love, time and trivialities to consume each other's love clean, in fact, it is not necessarily a pot of time and trivia, it may also be that the interaction mode is wrong.
Enter the three stages of marriage
The first stage is the learning stage, when you just enter marriage, you will explore how to build a family together, with the goal of earning money to buy a house and a car, and it is easier to reach consensus when facing differences.
The second stage is to be a parent, all the needs are pinned on the child, pull the child into the two, so that communication becomes a multi-person triangle relationship, at this time, the contradiction between the husband and wife will be ignored, the common goal at this time is the child, even if the problem between the husband and wife can not be solved will not endanger the relationship between the husband and wife itself.
The third stage is that after the child leaves home, the two people are alone, and the problems that have not been solved before will appear again, and if there is no third party help, the relationship will become more and more tense.
Lao Song and Da Fang are in such a relationship, their son has left home, there are only two of them left in the family, they began an endless quarrel, Da Fang thinks that Lao Song has someone outside, Lao Song feels that Da Fang does not believe him.......
Interactive mode - chase mode
When they encounter contradictions, Dafang chases, Lao Song escapes, and when faced with problems, Lao Song begins to stay away from Da Fang, and to stay away from contradictions by staying away from Da Fang. Lao Song's approach of avoiding conflict did not solve the problem, but only pushed the problem into the future.
In order to avoid conflict, he sometimes gained a chance to breathe by deception, which did achieve temporary harmony, but once the East Window incident occurred, the contradiction was bound to escalate.
He sent a woman home by the way, and when Da Fang called to inquire, he didn't want Da Fang to think about it, he lied, this lie was recognized by Da Fang, Da Fang bumped into them driving away, and the conflict between the two of them escalated. Da Fang begins to suspect Lao Song and the woman, cheating and losing the trust between them, and the quarrel and suspicion escalate the conflict between the two again.
The advantages of marriage become the disadvantages of marriage
Usually the factor of mutual appreciation between two people will be the factor of two people parting ways. In fact, I can understand this sentence very well, just like the men who take care of the family, they may not earn so much, and the men with high salaries and enough motivation may not have the family, but often get one side in the marriage and fantasize about the other end.
When Lao Song and Da Fang were together, they saw that Da Fang could shield him from the wind and rain, and when he was his protective umbrella, he felt that Da Fang was warm and sunny, and everything could be done well, and there was no need for Lao Song to worry about anything. However, there are new ideas in contrast, and after a long time, Lao Song feels that he is too generous, not gentle enough, not adoring him, not as gentle and considerate as other women.
He would drive a widow home with a large bag and a small bag, but he would not see that his wife was also carrying many things. He ignored his wife, was gentle and considerate to other women, and even turned a blind eye to his wife's kindness, but remembered the small favors of others.
In the quarrels with Da Fang again and again, Lao Song has always been the party that has given in, and his compromises and concessions have also allowed him to accumulate a lot of dissatisfaction. He felt that Da Fang did not respect him and did not give him face... In fact, when a couple becomes more and more familiar with each other, the language of communication will be simplified, and the possibility of discovering the truth will be narrowed. Obviously, he wants the other party to stay with him, but he will say: Where are you going? Obviously, I want to say: You don't leave, but you will say: If you leave, don't come back, and it will also cause misunderstanding to the other party and escalate the contradiction.
In the chase mode, one side of the chase wants the other party to give a strong response, while the other side just wants to desperately escape, hoping to give time to calmly avoid the conflict, chase and escape, and both people are not satisfied. If you want to change this situation, you must change this mode of interaction, one side must converge, and the convergence of one party is also the convergence of the other party.
In fact, in marriage, we do not hide our emotional needs, correct communication is very important, every rational and healthy relationship, need independent space, believe in the possibility of independence from the partner, do not always rely on each other, to have their own life, if you pay too much attention to each other, you will lose personal space, the other party will also feel suffocated and depressed, so you just want to escape.
——end——
"Female Psychologist" This drama has been more finished at present, and there is still a story of Horton behind it, but there is already news that it will soon meet with us, to be honest, after chasing for so long, it suddenly ended, I am quite reluctant to say, I have to say that this drama is really close to our real life, beautiful and beautiful.
This article is the personal view of Xiao Tea, thank you for reading carefully, I declare: the picture comes from the TV series "Female Psychologist", the copyright belongs to the original author, if there is infringement, please notify immediately delete, welcome to pay attention to Xiao Tea Film and Television, there is always one that makes you feel that the world is worth it.