Wen \ Kaleidoscope, Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
Picture \ "Female Psychologist" stills
After the broadcast of "Female Psychologist", many netizens have said that the protagonists in each story seem to live around us, which is too real.
Whether it is a flattering type of Xiao Mo, a skeptical Da fang, or a persistent Type Ofton, we seem to be able to find our own shadow from them.
Many times, we are used to thinking too much, like to live with ourselves, and as a result, we are exhausted, and once we fall into a state of internal friction, sooner or later we will drag ourselves into endless troubles.
And the really powerful people are anti-internal consumption physique.
01. Internal friction in communication: excessive flattery of others, grievances of oneself
In the play, there is a visitor Xiao Mo is a very typical flattering personality, he habitually pleases others, always subconsciously agrees to the requirements of others, and constantly suppresses and wrongs himself.
Colleagues sang at KTV, called him to ask if he could help make a PPT, although he was already in the taxi home, but still agreed to the other party's request, and then asked the driver to turn around.
Colleagues are always reluctant to take him to parties, and the only party he attends is just to let him block the wine, pay the bill, and also say that he wants to introduce him to important customers, he does not mind.
Once a colleague said that he missed his mouth and asked him to have a dinner, he specially went to do a haircut, because he did not know how to refuse, he was fooled into getting a 5,000 card in the barbershop. As a result, when they arrived at the dinner place, there was no one, and it turned out that the colleagues secretly changed the location but did not tell him. But the next day, he was not angry, did not lose his temper, and even took the initiative to buy milk tea for everyone, saying that he could not go to dinner because of something.
Xiao Mo suppressed himself for the sake of others, and he did whatever others said. But even so, colleagues still isolated him, and the barbershop brother laughed at him, and everyone seemed to dislike him.
Obviously, Xiao Mo is the one who has been wronged, but he will always be the one who is not welcomed. Such dislike once made Xiao Mo fall into a huge doubt, and he suspected that he was not doing well enough.
Xiao Mo is like the epitome of each of us who likes to please others but never get good, we always pay a passion, suffer the grievances of others, but also carefully try to maintain the superficial harmony and calm, but in exchange for the contempt and neglect of others, and even malicious frame-up.
Are we not doing well enough, not enough? No, many times, we are always too concerned about other people's thoughts, habitually associate other people's every move with ourselves, we always want to get the affirmation and appreciation of others, so we would rather let our own interests be damaged and our hearts hurt.
There are always two little people in our hearts fighting, one says, "It's too much," and the other says, "Bear with me." "So if you don't do anything every day, you're exhausted.
"You Just Think Too Much" says:
"Pleasing others so that you can't find the true indicator of your own life."
Yes, many times, in order to get the likes of others, we try our best to please, but we lose ourselves in flattery again and again, but we will not get the respect and affirmation we want. On the contrary, it will also make people with ulterior motives think that we are weak, so we are misunderstood, trampled, bullied, and farther and farther away from the happiness we want.
Therefore, don't torture yourself anymore, when we learn to no longer care about the opinions of others, learn to refuse the unreasonable demands of others, and learn to spend energy to please ourselves, internal friction will naturally decrease, and we will be able to meet more people who know how to respect and appreciate us.
02. Internal friction in marriage: doubting god and ghosts, suffering from gains and losses
The visitors, Da Fang and Lao Song, are a couple, because of the different frequencies of communication, the two always have conflicts, and even to the point of divorce.
With Horton's assistance, the two calmed down and began to confide in each other about their dissatisfaction.
Da Fang suspects that Lao Song has cheated on her, because she once saw Lao Song mysteriously answer the phone and drive a girl Li Lanzhi home.
Once Lao Song did not go home at the usual time, Da Fang called to ask Lao Song what to do, and Lao Song, who was teaching Li Lanzhi to dance at the time, casually lied in order to avoid his wife's questioning, saying that he and his dancers were eating supper. As a result, Dafang turned his head and saw the dancer in Lao Song's mouth downstairs, and Lao Song's lies were punctured, and Da Fang was more convinced that Lao Song had cheated.
Da Fang was full of resentment, and she felt that she had paid a lot for Lao Song, but Lao Song did not love and understand herself as much as she had in the past, and even had an affair.
Old Pine was also aggrieved, and he explained to Horton that he had not cheated. He has always loved Dafang, but Dafang always denies and accuses him, and Lao Song thinks that marriage is like this, until he gains the dignity of a man from Li Lanzhi, and he begins to realize what he really wants.
At Da Fang's class reunion, Da Fang knocked out the dishes he had clipped in front of other people, and said that he had prostatitis, without the slightest regard for Lao Song's face. But even so, Lao Song never thought of divorcing Da Fang, and he never understood why Da Fang always doubted himself.
With the help of Horton, Da Fang and Lao Song gradually understand the mistakes they made in their feelings and communication, Da Fang likes to chase, because he always wants Lao Song to explain himself because of doubt; Lao Song likes to escape, because he is often accused and suspected, and feels that he has lost the dignity of a man.
When the two finally understood that the other's initial love was still there under the mediation of the psychologist, they reconciled, and neither of them said divorce again.
It's good, why are the two people reconciled? Because internal friction was rejected.
Think about it, when we don't trust each other and plant the seeds of doubt in our hearts, then what the other party does will continue to deepen our suspicions, and eventually make the harm deeper and deeper.
The best way to do this is to cut off the source of internal friction from the outset. Since you have chosen a partner, you must believe in each other, if you really doubt, then do not catch the wind and shadows, but should be broken, as long as there is not enough evidence, then do not stage a small theater in the heart, resulting in the scene of the wind and the crane, the grass and trees are soldiers, and the final gain and loss is yourself, a failed marriage.
"Suspicious people make blind associations with certain actions and actions of others."
Yes, the most important thing about rejecting internal friction is not to be suspicious, so that you can really live a stable marriage.
03. Internal friction in family affection: indulging in the past and hurting each other
Horton, played by Yang Zi, is ostensibly a counselor who heals patients, but she has always had pain and shadows in her heart.
In his childhood, Horton, who quarreled with his family, ran away from home and ran out to chase Horton's younger brother He Jun, but fell into the river because of a slippery road on a rainy day. Horton went to save his brother, only to catch up with him.
Zhao Xiping, the mother who came out to chase the sisters and brothers, saw this scene and hurriedly jumped into the river, her strength could only save one person at a time. After painful struggles and considerations, she let go of He Jun's hand.
The mother originally planned to rescue He Jun after saving He Dun on the shore, but because the rescue was not timely, He Jun lost his life, and this incident also became an eternal pain in the hearts of He Dun and Zhao Xiping.
Her mother thought that she had cancer, afraid that after she left, Horton was sad and sad, so she always called Horton as He Jun from time to time, and she wanted Horton to resent herself, so that when she died, Horton would not miss herself and could be less sad.
As for Horton, she believes that her brother's death is her responsibility, and has been grumpy, worried that her mother will not let her fulfill her daughter's obligations because she blames her.
So every time she heard her mother call herself He Jun, Horton was very sad, and she kept blaming herself, cutting off her long hair and never wearing a skirt again.
In the end, it was Zhao Xiping who found that the previous cancer was misdiagnosed, so she apologized to Horton, saying that she was never blamed, and there was no Alzheimer's disease, and she was deliberately called He Jun in the past. At this time, the two finally let go of the pain of the past.
"Letting go is a state of perfection for others and for oneself."
An obsessive past, an obsessive idea, will be like a vine, day after day, deeper and deeper in the mind, and eventually lead to great and lasting self-consumption.
Only by letting go of the past and no longer tangled, can the soul get real liberation and relaxation, and only by no longer clinging to it and cherishing what you have can you better move towards a happier life. Some things are fate, believe in fate, you will no longer have any mustard in your heart, and live a more enlightened and calm life.
04. Mei Niang said
"Don't do things with emotions, learn to be the master of emotions."
Yes, man becomes the primate of all things because he is able to control his emotions.
What should we do when we are stuck in the inward time? Here are two solutions to internal friction.
First, cultivate "the courage to be hated."
When we can't influence other people's evaluations, please don't care too much about other people's opinions, and base your feelings on your own objective level. We need to know that no matter how hard we try, we may not be able to do everyone like it, then we have to accept that "being hated" is the norm.
As you say in "You Just Think Too Much":
"You'll never be satisfied with the whole world, and you won't have to."
Therefore, the lesson of our life is to learn to accept being hated by others and take our own life path.
Second, focus on the things that matter most in life.
"You Just Think Too Much" writes:
"The reason why we don't have enough tolerance for small things is that we are not focusing on the more important things."
So when we generate internal time, we can ask ourselves, "Is this something that matters most in my goal?" Is it worth the time and effort to do this? "Yes, when we focus on pursuing our dreams, the troubles in life naturally decrease.
Third, live with symptoms, know mistakes and change and accept yourself
There is a very important mentality, that is, to live with symptoms and constantly improve yourself. There are no people and things in the world without problems, life is a process of constantly discovering problems and then solving problems.
As long as we live for a day, there will be happiness and pain, and what we have to do is not to completely eliminate pain, but to learn to live with pain, change what can be changed, accept what cannot be changed, improve ourselves, and reconcile with ourselves.
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I am Mei Niang, your most intimate emotional counselor, if you have emotional confusion, please send me a private message, Mei Niang will take you out of the confusion.