I was born on November 11, 1990, On Singles' Day, and I am considered an "officially certified" older single young woman.
2020, a year to personally remember, was marked by several great events in my life:
#1
I officially ushered in the 30th year of my life, "thirty and standing", which means the unfolding of a new stage of life.
#2
With the help of my parents, I had my own small home in Hangzhou and took my first mortgage.
#3
I had a boyfriend.
#4
We've seen both parents get married by the end of 2020 if there are no accidents.
Then the accident came.
In September 2020, I went to review and found that the ovarian cyst in the body had reached 4 cm, which met the indications for surgery, and the doctor recommended that I operate as soon as possible.
I'm not surprised, as early as 2018, I found an ovarian cyst, which was 1 centimeter in size. Because I had not yet met the indications for surgery, I had been taking medication for control.
At that time, the doctor's treatment advice was to consider getting pregnant as soon as possible, because progesterone can effectively inhibit the disease, and many people have atrophy after pregnancy.
But I'm not married, how can I get pregnant?
I didn't hide my condition from my boyfriend either, after all, ovarian cysts are not a serious disease.
It dragged on until 2020, when my plan was to buy a house, get married at the end of the year, and then start trying to get pregnant.
Because my hometown is far away from Zhejiang, my parents are old and have no way to come and take care of them, so the whole operation is accompanied by my boyfriend.
I remember that when I signed the consent form for anesthesia surgery, I had to have my family sign it, so I had no choice but to lie to the doctor that he was my husband.
At that time, he took the consent form and signed "Husband: xxx" seriously, and I saw that he wrote it very seriously, even a little religiously, and his eyes suddenly felt hot and humid.
By the day before my surgery, the doctor suddenly looked serious and called us to the office to talk.
In the preoperative examination, I found that my AMH value was only 0.76 ng/ml (the normal value should be 2 to 6.8 ng/ml).
Doctors suspected that the expanding cyst had caused damage to the ovaries, resulting in poor egg reserves.
If surgery is done, it is another injury to the ovaries, and the AMH value after the operation will only be worse and not better.
Editor's note: AMH is one of the clinical measures of ovarian stock or ovarian function.
The doctor gave me two options:
Select 1
Normal surgery. But doing so does not ensure the recovery of my ovaries after surgery, and the surgery may result in lower AMH, which in turn can lead to infertility;
Select 2
Temporarily abandon the operation, first go to the reproductive department to see if you need to do IVF first, and then do this surgery.
.
The doctor asked me to think about giving her a reply before the afternoon. At the end of the conversation, she said to me:
"Be mentally prepared, there will be some hardships in life later."
Back in the ward, I thought about it, and finally I decided to continue the operation.
First of all, the cyst has become larger and larger, pregnant with the cyst, and it is not certain that 100% of the cyst will shrink or disappear.
The doctor also said that there are individual cases showing that cysts twist and rupture occur during the process of pregnancy with sacs, affecting embryonic development, and I cannot accept such consequences;
Secondly, I actually don't have a particularly strong desire to have children, and now I am transferred to the reproductive department, from preparing for assisted reproduction to pregnancy, at least half a year, and the test tube can not guarantee a success.
But during this time, the cyst will get bigger and bigger over time, affecting my personal health.
You ask me who is more important, my child or myself?
I think that when there is no pregnancy, the ego is the most important, without personal health, everything is zero; if there is a pregnancy, then the child is the most important, but the premise is that I want to use a safe and healthy uterine environment to conceive a child.
I said to my boyfriend:
"If you really want a little child, after the surgery I will do my best to achieve this wish." If we can't conceive, we can also adopt a child. ”
"Now that things have reached such a point, if you can't make up your mind, you can discuss with your family, marriage is a matter of two families, and I don't want to make the two families unhappy because of the child." 」
"If you feel that the consequences are really unbearable, then we can not get married."
The boyfriend said that he fully respected my decision, that he would solve the problems in his family, and that I should have a good surgery first, and that nothing else should be thought about.
Strange to say, why, at that time, I was in a determined mood, believing that my surgery would be successful, believing that my boyfriend would believe in me as much as I believed in myself, and even believing that I would be able to get pregnant after the operation?
Perhaps, that blindness and certainty is the only thing I can grasp in the face of sudden difficulties.
If I had lost even this bit of faith, I might have collapsed.
I took a sip of anesthesia on the operating table and went to sleep.
When I woke up, I was already lying in the hospital room, and I was relieved to know that the operation was successful.
My sister in the next bed asked me:
"Has your boyfriend been with you for five or six years?"
I was surprised and answered her:
"It's not been a year."
She said:
"When you didn't wake up, your boyfriend kept staring at you, never changing his posture, and the look in his eyes seemed to have been a couple with you for many years."
When you have finished the operation, get married quickly, your boyfriend is such a good person! ”
After the next bed is finished, the next door to the next bed is also exaggerated. During the few days of hospitalization, basically the patients and nurses around him praised him and said that I was so blessed.
In fact, during that time, the boyfriend's work was also very busy. Because he was responsible for the promotion of important projects in the department, he worked more than 320 hours a month.
Editor's note: On a 22-day workday basis, he works 14 hours a day.
But it was under such high pressure that he had to take care of me several times a day by working the subway and crossing two distant urban areas. When he really couldn't get out, he took a leave of absence, and the leader didn't give him a look for him.
I've been flatulent after the surgery, my back is sore, I need a massage every 5 to 10 minutes, and he massages me all night, almost without closing my eyes.
When I could get out of bed, he would wash my hair, blow my hair, wash my clothes, and he did all this with almost no complaints.
If I hadn't been too anxious about childbearing before, it was at that time that I changed my mind and especially wanted to have a child with him.
On the one hand, because of his meticulous care of me, I saw that he wanted children a lot.
On the other hand, I am worried that because of the ovarian surgery, the AMH will continue to decrease, I will age very quickly, and if I go early in the future, no one can leave him a thought.
I've seen a lot of movies about aging before, such as Mike Lee's "Another Year", Xu Anhua's "Sister Peach", Haneke's "Love", Zheng Jiyu's "Enjiao"...
None of them say that the soft light of love requires the blessing of a young body.
(Source: "Another Year", "Sister Peach", "Enjiao" stills)