The bright circle of friends, the life of a chicken feather, which is the real her?

Tell a story, may day holiday to hear, this story is a bit depressing. I thought, if my child were like the protagonist in the story, I would die of heartache!

I also hope that through other people's stories, I can think about what children need.

01

The protagonist of the story is a sunny girl in the circle of friends, just call her Xiaomei.

Xiaomei is a beautiful girl, with large and godly eyes, smart and cute, two small dimples, two small tiger teeth, and a standard and well-proportioned figure.

Ordinary people send nine-square selfies, which is easy to cause disgust to others, but Xiaomei is an exception, because she is really beautiful.

Her selfies can beat more than 99% of beauty photos without a P.

It is reasonable to say that Xiaomei, such a beautiful girl, should have a lot of handsome boys chasing around. But it is strange that Xiaomei seems to have a magical magic, and the boyfriends she is looking for are all strange scum.

Her first boyfriend was her college senior, a year older than her, whom she had met when she picked up new students. Only because in the crowd, he took Xiaomei's luggage. Xiaomei looked at his back and was conquered.

Looking at the beautiful Xiaomei's enthusiasm for herself, this mediocre sophomore boy fell, and the two soon fell in love.

Xiaomei's persistence, boyfriend scum is also very thorough.

He regards Xiaomei's love as an upside-down sticker, showing off how capable he is everywhere, and the school-level beauty takes the initiative to chase him, and he tells the details of his love with Xiaomei in a colorful way, sometimes showing off his martial prowess to Xiaomei, and sometimes being gentle and considerate.

Xiaomei was also coaxed, one second sad and earth-shattering, the next second because of a breakfast to forgive him, laughing out of two charming little dimples.

Later stories are like a TV series of dog blood, the boyfriend graduated from college, because of an indicator that can enter a certain bureau, became the door-to-door son-in-law of a section chief of a certain bureau.

Xiaomei lost love, she did not hate her boyfriend, but felt that her family was not good, she could not help her boyfriend, and secretly hurt herself for a long time.

Xiaomei's current boyfriend is her colleague. This boy actively pursues Xiaomei, bringing breakfast and coffee every day, Xiaomei fell in love again, the two people went to work together and left work together, and the days were calm and happy.

The good times were not long, because of an argument with his boss, the boyfriend resigned in a rage, did not find a suitable job, played games every day and flirted with women, and from time to time he was drunk and drunk, punching and kicking Xiaomei.

Xiaomei is like an old mother, working to earn money, and going home to serve him to eat and drink.

Friends all advised her to break up, Xiaomei refused, saying that he could not leave him alone, he was only temporarily frustrated, and would change well.

Now Xiaomei has lived herself into a split, and the circle of friends is a beautiful selfie and landscape photo of the quiet years, and in reality, she lives with her boyfriend in a lonely way, and she can't see the future at a glance.

02

Maybe I don't understand love, Xiaomei's experience makes me sound very uncomfortable.

Why did Xiaomei's family ignore her? Speaking of Xiaomei's family, it is another drama that can be comparable to a TV series.

Xiaomei's mother is also a beautiful woman, she has an older brother, because the family conditions are not good, has not married a daughter-in-law.

Originally, Xiaomei's mother had a green plum bamboo horse, but the conditions of the green plum bamboo horse were not good, and she could not get the bride price. Without the bride price, there is no way to help Xiaomei's uncle marry his daughter-in-law.

Therefore, Xiaomei's grandparents did not agree to it, so they gave their daughter Xu to Xiaomei's father who could get the bride price.

Xiaomei's father's family has been single-handed for several generations, but Xiaomei is a girl, and her father often borrows wine to dispel his sorrows, punching and kicking his wife and children.

Xiaomei's mother thought about divorce, but her grandparents did not agree, saying that divorce was too humiliating, and when she took the bride price of others, she should not divorce, and should be grateful, after all, the bride price of others helped your brother marry his daughter-in-law and continue the incense.

Xiaomei's mother just got along with her father.

Although Dad would beat them, he was very nice to her when he wasn't drinking, buying her good food and beautiful clothes. Xiaomei felt that her father loved her, otherwise how could he buy her so many good things?

When Dad beat her, she would even think that if I were a boy, Dad wouldn't be so sad and Mom wouldn't be beaten.

Xiaomei is very beautiful, but behind the beauty there is always a trace of unconfidence on the face.

She likes to po her own beautiful photos in the circle of friends, maybe it is the small love of each one, the praise of the comments, can make her feel the joy of being recognized.

03

I have read books about the original family, and I am also shocked by the bizarre cases in the books.

However, because most of the books are written by foreigners, and the names of the cases are also Susan Sandy's, it feels very far away.

When I heard Xiaomei's story, I was really distracted.

Xiaomei is beautiful, and it is reasonable to say that whether it is the workplace or life, beauty is a plus. Everyone likes to see beautiful women and is willing to deal with beautiful women.

Daniel Hammermaish, an economics professor at the University of Texas at Austin, estimates that a good-looking person can earn $230,000 more in a lifetime than an ugly person, and even a middle-looking professional may earn $140,000 more.

But Xiaomei's life does not seem to benefit from this.

Her childhood was a marriage that her mother reluctantly maintained, and she was her father's stick and honey. The love she learned is probably the "perseverance" of not abandoning, and the love and pain of torturing each other, right?

There is a term in psychology called "compulsive repetition." It means that people unconsciously repeat the scenes of the most memorable trauma or trauma in childhood.

For Xiaomei, the fear of being scolded by her father is probably the biggest trauma of her childhood.

Her father's kindness to her, buying her good food and beautiful clothes to wear, became the expression of love she looked forward to after the rain.

The boyfriends she was looking for were also repeating the path her father had taken. Scolding and belittling is repeating her past trauma; the thoughtfulness and gentleness afterwards repeat her childhood expectations.

She herself was so caught up in it that she refused to pull away. Perhaps in her eyes, as an adult, she has the ability to save the helpless self of her childhood.

She longs for men to change, to change their hearts and face again, to be good to her all the time, just like she expected from her father as a child.

She always wanted to save the men around her, just like saving her childhood self.

04

From Xiaomei's growth experience, material conditions are not lacking, she has a lot of beautiful new clothes, novel toys. What she lacks most is not money, but love.

Children who are beaten and scolded by their parents from an early age will rationalize their parents' scolding behavior, just like Xiaomei. She would feel that Dad loved me, that he beat me badly, and that if I were a boy, Dad wouldn't be like this.

The parents' behavior is reasonable, the wrong becomes the child himself, and scolding becomes love.

If you want to jump out of such a strange circle, you must break your own illusion of being loved, scolding is not love, and admit that your parents did not love themselves.

Parents can also make mistakes, marriages that seek perfection may be long overdue, and stick scolding may break the law.

So, you don't have to repeat the wrong path of your parents.

To save your childhood self, you should love yourself more than throw your current self back into the nightmare of childhood.

As parents, we should give our children good material conditions, but what should be more important for our children is a healthy family.

In a healthy family, father and mother love each other and love their children together.

Even if one day, mom and dad no longer love each other, marriage is no more, but the father who loves the child, and the mother who loves the child, should always be there.

Even if the material conditions are not so rich, every moment full of joy and laughter with her father and mother will become a good memory for her child and give her courage to face the future.