During this "May Day" holiday, at a family dinner, I found a phenomenon: some people accuse and criticize their partners in front of everyone, and even if their partners say a word, they have to refute it.
In this case, not only the others present feel embarrassed, but also make the accused partner side very uncomfortable, but whether it is a solicitation or avoidance, it still cannot stop these people's behavior.
I wonder why they do this over and over again. Today I will analyze the reasons with you and discuss it with you.
【1】
The accusing party is usually in a weak position and uses public occasions to vent its emotions.
At the dinner scene of the day, one of the female friends who has been married for more than ten years, no matter what topic we discussed, she can pull on her husband, and then use the topic to criticize the other party.
One of the scenes I remember most is when we are talking about the problem of which junior high school our child is about to graduate from elementary school and which junior high school he will come to, and she continues to say: "Our family can't count on him anyway!" ”
Originally, I thought that I could not expect my husband to pick up and drop off her children from school, after all, her husband's work is relatively busy, and she really does not have too much time to take care of her children.
Who expected her to turn sharply and continue: "Every day when I come home, I lie on the couch, and the two babies quarrel with each other, and he can't hear them like deaf ears, and I'm too busy to help." ”
I know that what she said is the truth, her husband is usually very lazy, except for going out to earn money, at home is such that he does not care about anything, does not ask anything.
The most important thing is that this female friend is dissatisfied with his husband is very strong, all the things that need to spend money in the family must be decided by the husband, she occasionally buys herself more expensive cosmetics, and her husband will scold her for losing.
But because the family's money is earned by her husband, she was scolded and had no way to fight back, and the anger in her heart has always been very large, and she can't help but vent out in front of everyone.
When his husband heard these words, of course, his face could not be hung up, and he said to her in a sharp voice: "Shut up you!" Say one more word and go home! ”
So the scene was silent, and everyone didn't know what to say! The female friend also wanted to open her mouth to say two words, but finally she lowered her head and wiped the corners of her eyes, never speaking again.
In fact, I can understand her dilemma, but I really don't approve of publicly accusing my partner of behavior, after all, I am usually the weaker party, can I expect the other party to give you face in front of everyone?
Don't think that others will support themselves, in fact, no one is willing to take care of other people's housework, this kind of thankless thing, really no one will do it, not to laugh at your incompetence behind your back is not bad.
【2】
The accusing party is usually in a strong position and habitually suppresses the other.
We all know that husband and wife get along "either the east wind overwhelms the west wind, or the west wind overwhelms the east wind", always one side is strong and the other is weak, but the degree of strength and weakness is not the same.
At this dinner, another female friend was obviously a very strong woman, as can be seen from the ordering process, and made various requests with the waiter, so that everyone present felt that she was too picky.
The most wonderful thing is that when she talks about how she started a business, she always likes to compare her husband to prove how wise and divine her decision-making is every step.
For example, once talked about cooperation with a large enterprise, her husband advised him that the first cooperation should be more secure, but this female friend felt that she had enough advantages to take more profits.
The husband still wanted to argue for two sentences, and she directly reprimanded her husband and said, "Shut up, look at your rat-eyed look, what can you do?" ”
The key is that when she told us this story, the contemptuous eyes brushed on her husband from time to time, and the husband could only drink alone with a wine glass.
Someone next to her comforted the female friend and said, "Your husband is also for your own good, and I don't want you to make a mistake." ”
Who knows, she immediately retorted: "If I listen to him and don't dare to make a mistake, will we have a good life now?" After all, isn't he instigating it? ”
The conversation was so dead, a large table of people could only awkwardly shout "Eat vegetables!" Eat vegetables! "After all, what others say is wrong!"
These people who are strong and accustomed to marriage, whether at home or in public, want to accuse each other of speaking out immediately, and never consider each other's feelings.
Because in the minds of these people, she is the biggest in the world, and what she wants to do must be followed by her, whether right or wrong, others are not allowed to have the slightest objection.
【3】
Two people who are usually evenly matched want to use the crowd to add strength to themselves.
My relationship with my husband, I think it is considered to be evenly matched, after all, I am in charge of my own affairs, the children's affairs are also my master, and his own affairs are decided by him.
But my husband always had a restless heart, thinking that he was the head of the family, and he should let him decide everything, and I would implement his decision.
But I will not be fooled by him, and it is not surprising that there are often disputes, but he said that he could not talk about me, and he could not argue with me, so he must be very unwilling in his heart.
At dinner, everyone will talk about various topics, and whenever I encounter disagreements with others, my husband will come to me and start to taunt me: "Do you think others think like you?" ”
At this time, if I quarrel with him and lose the faces of two people, I can only continue to talk with others when I can't hear him, and no one picks up his words, and it will be forked.
But my husband is not a kind person, ah, seize the opportunity to insert a knife for me, once I really can't help it, glared at him fiercely, he only closed his mouth.
Later, when he came home from dinner, I asked him what exactly he meant by that. He said with particular schadenfreude: "I just want to let others know that you are not right about everything!" ”
You say this person is childish or not childish? Do you really think others will be nosy? When other couples choke up, don't they have nosy things themselves? Then of course, others will not be idle on their own!
Such a simple truth, there are still people who do not understand? Either you know this, but you just want to embarrass you in front of everyone.
I broke this truth and rubbed it up and told my husband, who was silent for a while and said, "What? I'm just not happy, can't I? ”
What more can I say? For some people, they are not happy to make others unhappy, anyway, the fish dead net is broken, no one can take advantage of anyone!
【4】
After more than ten years of marriage, our sons have grown to be as tall as our husband and wife, and the quarrels have basically been enough, and now we are like most families, only for the growth of our children to continue to maintain.
You want to say that divorce is not enough, after all, the other party has not made any principled mistakes, after all, the other party is still the child's father.
However, if you want to continue the marriage, in my opinion, you still have to make equality the first priority, even if one party is stronger than the other, don't go too far.
No one wants to be inferior, and no one wants to be on the weak side forever, and it is bound to rebel for a long time.
Only when both parties know how to give in and think about each other, then the marriage will have a relationship basis for continuing to maintain.
Otherwise, instead of being angry every day, it is better to be alone!