This is a common disease in women, and if it is not treated, marriage will get terminally ill

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Solve the difficult problems of relationship between partners

01

Some diseases are purely "made" by oneself

I often see many boys or men who are already husbands asking similar questions:

Why do women always "do" so much?

What exactly do you want?

Is "doing" a disease? Can it be cured?

……

I seemed to be able to see the frantic faces behind the screen.

A few days ago, I went to go to physical therapy, and I happened to run into a few big sisters talking about confinement.

A: When I was confinement, my husband was working in the field, I cooked and mopped the floor and washed the diaper by myself, and I had to take the children, and I fell ill in a month, and now there is wind in the bones.

B: You are too stupid, I am not the same, when I was confinement, my husband was clumsy and clumsy, no matter whether the child did not get out of bed regardless of the housework, I just took care of myself, the body is my own, the couple is good, who can do it for the sick and painful?

C: All of you are fine, at least not angry. Do you know how I survived in the confinement? In the autumn weather, my husband and mother-in-law make cold noodles, cold cucumbers, and cold beans for me to eat every day, three meals a day without a dish is hot, and now it has been several years, and the confinement disease has not been adjusted!

Everyone sympathized, and began to help: "Your mother-in-law is ignorant enough, you can tell her what you want to eat!" I really can't get out of bed to make some hot soup and hot rice, and now I am less guilty! ”

C was stunned and did not say a word, and after a while he said triumphantly: "I don't tell them, I don't have to look at people's faces!" Didn't they both do it? I'll let them do it! I eat whatever they do, and now I'm sick, and my husband doesn't dare to say anything!

I don't bring my mother-in-law into the door now, I tell my husband directly, just treat me like this in the moon, there is no me in this family, she comes to me! As soon as the husband heard this, he was instigated, ha! ”

As soon as she said this, everyone looked at each other, and the room fell silent. I secretly thought, let's not say that several big sisters who remember bitterly and sweetly are about to reach the age of being a mother-in-law, even if I have never interjected, I have to listen to embarrassment, okay?

Everyone has never known each other, when doing physiotherapy, I said that the parents were short originally to occasionally vent a happy, but used to abuse themselves to retaliate against the in-laws' family, put their own physical health on the shelf, but the mother-in-law war as a life's work to do, it is really ...

Such a young but "doing" like this, seemingly shrewd and strong, but in fact, stupid and not self-loving, sooner or later will lose themselves into it. If such "doings" are not common in our lives, then the following scenes will not be unfamiliar to many people:

Obviously it is a small cold, but in the middle of the night let her husband get up to buy fever medicine;

Ming Ming Ping Suri case holidays himself are alive and jumping like a cow, but in front of the boyfriend all kinds of headaches and stomach pain heart liver, stomach, lungs and kidneys are uncomfortable;

Obviously valentine's day no one to accompany, but to run to the high-end Western restaurant to order a set menu for two, on the rose red wine, take advantage of the ambiguous light to take a photo, send a circle of friends to rub secretly to the ex to see;

Obviously know that the other party is calm and low-key will not express, but all kinds of requirements for him to show love in public, please take a leave of absence to accompany you to a romantic.

If the object of your "work" loves you infinitely and tolerates you, otherwise, the result of "doing" all the time is often that you obviously came to romanticism, but the result became a history of the demise of romanticism.

02

In marriage, why do you "do" so much

In love, women often enjoy each other's meticulous care for themselves the most, and the most tired of hearing a sentence is men's "how do you do that"?

Even some sensitive and delicate women, as soon as they hear this, immediately collapse and can't stand it, and will think: "Does he not love me anymore?" "Before marriage I was more excessive than this, he can tolerate it, why after marriage he can't even stand my little temper?" 」 "Why did he do this to me? Why is he still so gentle with other girls? ”

"Did he change his mind?" Then, the relationship between the two will fall into mutual competition, quarrels, cold wars, and cycles.

Sadly, all your efforts are in the hope that the other person will face up to your feelings and respect your ideas. And the result of this struggle is nothing more than a longer and longer silence, or a sentence of "whatever you want." In the long run, the you in his eyes are getting more and more, and other girls are becoming more and more cute, and cheating is simply an incomparably wise self-liberation for him.

Here, the childishness of men is seen. Because he does not understand that when he finally gets his sister in hand or divorces and remarries, his next term may be more "done" than his predecessor.

So, are there women who don't "do"? Yes. However, if a woman does not "do" at all, the flush toilet is broken and repaired by herself, the child is sick and carries herself to the hospital, the workplace is fierce, and she is alone after returning home, then such a woman can generally fully enjoy the freedom and fun of being single, and no longer need the binding of marriage.

Most women in marriage and love are more or less deliberately "doing", why is it? In fact, if we do not regard "doing" as a pejorative evaluation, we objectively investigate the deep psychology of this performance.

You will find that the so-called "doing" is just a deliberate weakness of women, the purpose of which is to obtain more attention and understanding from the other party, or to try to gain more voice in this way in the game of male and female relations.

As an emotional animal, women generally pay more attention to the process of goal achievement than men's focus on results. In this process, if they can get enough recognition and affirmation, care and care from each other, even if the results are not ideal, women will have fewer regrets in their hearts.

Even in the small fights of daily marriage and love, many women just regard the "doing" process as a test of each other's emotional concentration and loyalty, hoping to gain a full sense of security in the process. So it doesn't matter what the result is, what matters is whether the other party's response seems sweet and reliable.

For example, many women encounter headaches and brain fever when they are single, and they often stuff a pill into their mouths, which should chase dramas and overtime. But at the beginning of love and marriage, the common cold and diarrhea became the touchstone of feelings.

Eating a bad stomach, the boyfriend can sneak out to accompany himself to drip during the meeting, and the other party is completely impatient with "I'm busy, why are you so squeamish?" "I'm afraid it's a completely different feeling.

In the former, you are so sick with food poisoning that you vomit, but you can watch the other party pour tea and pour water to comfort and eat, and your mood is naturally relaxed; in the latter, even if it is just ordinary diarrhea, I am afraid that I will be sick.

03

Moderate "doing" is a concoction, and excessive "doing" is looking for death

Girls in love always like to show weakness everywhere to win each other's love, it seems that the other party pays, in fact, it is precisely the performance of their own feelings that they care more about this relationship.

Moderate "work" in the eyes of boys is a spoiled, cute, is a display of youthful charm. But excessive "doing" will make the other party overwhelmed, unless the other party has another plan for your family background, academic work, resource future, otherwise even if you are beautiful and tall, it is rare for boys to tolerate your unreasonable teasing.

Therefore, men who seem to always pay often walk without hesitation, and women who seem to always take it often lose the bottom line and beg to be retained.

And once married, many women will face a huge sense of loss. All kinds of petulance and small requirements before marriage have become the existence that he most ignores under the many reasons of the other party's "busy work, busy communication, and busy games", and he no longer has the patience to accompany you to walk by the river on Valentine's Day to watch fireworks, nor will he carefully prepare various surprises on your birthday.

In the circle of friends of married friends, the most show of love I have seen is nothing more than the "521" red envelope sent by my husband during various festivals. Behind the "521", I seem to be able to see the face of every husband who is careless when he sends clicks.

It was as if all the patience of a man with a woman was emptied once after marriage. You either anesthetize yourself with "old husband and wife" or "What is romance?" The payroll card is the last word "to make yourself indifferent."

However, if every woman can think of opening, there will not be many big sisters and aunts who embrace their babies or have retired, looking at the men and women on the screen, loving the three lives, and they are moved to tears.

So, the softness of a woman's heart, how to grasp the scale after marriage to achieve balance?

If you refute it, my husband is clearly very kind to me – then congratulations: your husband has successfully cared for your princess heart, so that you can live in the innocence of a little girl for a long time even after marriage. But correspondingly, human inertia may also make you feel at ease to enjoy and rely on the warmth of the other party, slowing down the pace of self-independence and growth.

The risk is that once the other person is no longer satisfied with your care, your psychological defense line will be more likely to collapse.

I know a big sister, when she was young, her husband took good care of her, in the winter she lay in the warm bed, her husband braved the cold wind to buy her soy milk fritters to let her lie on the bed and eat to wipe her hands, she said she wanted to drink beef soup somewhere, her husband rode a bicycle in the middle of the night for dozens of miles, filled a tea bottle of beef soup with a thermos bottle, and when she opened to eat, it was still hot.

Later, when the child was in junior high school, her husband cheated, the husband and wife had a big fight, the furniture was all smashed, the husband turned his face and did not recognize anyone, although the last sister insisted on not divorcing, but I saw her again two years ago, and the whole person was more than twenty years old.

She always lived in the warm dreams of husband and wife when she was young, but she did not see the man in front of her who did not even take precautions to live a conjugal life, and every time after she became pregnant, she said "I can't afford to raise", and repeatedly coldly forced her to beat the fetus, and the young plum bamboo horse was judged by two people.

Therefore, truly mature women will still face the sun after experiencing the dirty, have the courage to fight for love, and also have the courage to turn away. When he has love, your moderate "doing" is an emotional interaction that gives him the opportunity to express love; when he no longer loves, you are also ready to train yourself early to equip yourself with the ability to provide self-security.

Of course, the excessive "doing" of the young mother above can only be said to be a kind of death-seeking. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to give you enough respect?

We're not calling on every woman to go through the process of becoming a superman who no longer needs love and men, but we want you to be strong enough in modern society. Strong enough to have a healthy body, enough to support their own family's economy, and the courage to stop looking at each other's faces and trembling.

Even, you will find that when you are independent enough, you will have more tolerance for the other party's powerlessness; when you are confident enough, you will face the other party's anger and corruption more calmly and rationally.

I can buy bags, I can earn living expenses, and my friends have them myself. You tolerate my little waywardness, and I gladly accept it and give you enough love back; when love is empty, I can still smile and go on the road after the dark clouds, and accept myself.