Help everyone solve a problem every day [Love]
Does your baby often lose her temper and give you a headache?
In fact, children have tempers, which is very normal, ordinary people who do not have some emotions? But if the child can't manage emotions, he may lose his temper every day.
Maybe the child also has a headache about the "tantrum"! He has so many emotions, but he doesn't know how to behave, when he shows it, everyone scolds him, everyone doesn't like him... Therefore, not understanding emotional management is also a great problem for children.
So how do you help your child learn to get angry? How to cultivate children's anger management skills?
This should be the most important thing on the minds of many parents.
Be a parent without temper
A parent who has no temper can teach his child to be angry.
Many parents, their temper is bigger than their children, they can't move to get angry, and then they start to say some ugly words:
Why don't you understand it?
Why can't you just talk?
Why do you keep fighting against me?
……
In fact, as soon as these words are spoken, you are already doing a wrong demonstration: anger does not need to be dealt with, anger only needs to be free to do whatever you want, and you can say whatever you want.
Therefore, to cultivate children's emotional management ability, first of all, we must be a parent without temper, because there is no temper to do a good job of education.
Many parents must find it difficult, how can they be without temper?
After talking about it so many times, the child just doesn't listen and will always oppose me...
If you make a lot of trouble outside and come back and ask me to clean up the mess, saying that he can't say two sentences, how can people not be angry?
Sounds really angry reason. So, how do you want to be a parent without a temper?
First, we need to understand that what really makes us angry is not the child's behavior, but the explanation we make about it.
For example, when I came home today, I found my child jumping around on the couch.
At this point, you may be very angry and say, "What do you do?" Sofas are not for jumping! And you are so easy to get hurt, you give me down, how can you be so disobedient? ”
The biggest skill of parents without temper is that they can interpret their children's behavior in a neutral way, and they will not particularly do negative interpretations, and even sometimes do positive interpretations.
In a neutral way, in the face of children jumping on the sofa, they may interpret it like this:
Children love to jump, and the ability to jump is really good. He just didn't know that the couch couldn't jump.
The kid loves sports very much and loves to jump, but I forgot to tell him that the couch is not suitable for jumping.
And the child has not yet wrestled, thank goodness.
Isn't it less likely to get angry when you think about it? Then you can say to the child: "Honey, I see that your jumping ability is very good, but the sofa is not allowed to jump, let's find somewhere else to jump, okay?" ”
What really makes you angry is your interpretation of your child's behavior, and how to interpret it will directly affect our psychological feelings. So we can slowly become a temperless parent by constantly practicing neutral interpretation, or positive interpretation.
The angrier your child is, the more you have to stay calm
The most common way to stay calm is to take a deep breath.
When you feel like you're on fire and about to explode, take a few deep breaths. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale again.
After calming down with a deep breath, you can express your feelings.
If what you're saying is ,How can you jump off the couch? How can you hit someone? "Wait, these thoughts are actually attacking the child's behavior, and it's easy to make you angry, so we're going to switch these thoughts." Into:
"I saw you on the couch and I felt worried; I felt sad to see you hitting people..."
Speak up about your feelings instead of attacking your child's behavior.
If you feel that you really can't bear it: you are busy at work, you have quarreled with your other half, your children are still making trouble, and a stubble of things makes people almost unable to control the power of the inner flood, what to do?
Hurry up and get out of the venue.
You can say to your child, "I'm sorry, I'm out of control right now, I'm going to take a break, calm down for a while, and I'll come back and talk to you again." ”
This action is actually a demonstration, so that children can follow the law. When they want to get angry, they can tell their parents, "I can't stand it now, I have to walk away, calm down and come back." ”
It's also a way to manage anger.
Help your child get angry
When we know how to be a temperamental parent and stay calm when your child is angry, the next step is how to help your child get angry. There are 4 steps below.
First, name the child's emotions;
Second, help the child find the reason for getting angry;
Third, teach children to express emotions;
Fourth, encourage children to come together to make the mood better.
For example, today the child is very angry, because he has a toy that he can't find, but he wants to play with that toy, so he starts to cry, what to do at this time?
First, we can say to the child: I know you're angry because you didn't find your toy, right?
Tell the child's "angry" emotions and reasons, the child will feel that the parents know the emotions they want to express, then he will feel a little less angry. This is the first and second steps.
Then, to teach children to express emotions, we can say: Baby, it is late now, if you yell, you may disturb others. You can say "Mom, I can't find the toy, I'm angry, who put my toy in the wrong place..." You can say your anger, but you can't yell.
With [you can... No... way to help children learn how to express anger. When the baby can say, "Mom, I'm angry, I can't find my toy...", we can say, "Great, as soon as you say that, Mom understands." "That's the third step.
Finally, we can encourage children to think about it, the toy can not be found, then what else can we do to make ourselves happy? The child may say: Then I will go and eat something delicious, or I will change the game, or I will do something else first, and so on.
Accept emotions, name your child's emotions, help your child find the cause of anger, then teach him to express emotions, and finally encourage him to find ways to solve their emotions.
In this way, help children slowly learn to express their feelings: Mom I am disappointed, Dad I am sad... When children can say it, they will not express themselves in a noisy way.