How important is it for parents to be emotionally stable for their children? Over the years, many people in the education community and the parenting community have been paying attention to this topic.
There was once a picture book called "The Mother Who Yelled And Screamed All The Time", which was popular at the time, and the content of the picture book was that a small penguin was frightened and scattered when it faced its mother.1 In the end, even if the mother finds the little penguin, the child's hurt soul has long been irreparable.
A large number of surveys have shown that parents are emotionally stable and children are happier and more secure.
When I was young, I met a boy who once went to an interest class together. He sat behind me, happy every day, and would secretly pull my braids; at the end of class, he would take my pen and run around the world, saying loudly, "You come after me"; stuffed me with a mess of notes with "pigs" and "bears" painted on them, and my name written next to them.
I didn't like him because he didn't give face to go around and make the whole class know that my name was "Pig".
This boy who was laughing in front of me every time suddenly disappeared one day. Two weeks later, he came back behind me and stopped talking.
He was silent like a warrior, reading quietly at the end of every class, and would never pull my braids again in class. Occasionally his eyes were red, and he lay on the table.
I also asked him carefully, and he said that his parents were divorcing, and he couldn't go home.
That year, we were all thirteen or fourteen years old. The first time I walked with him on the way home, he said, he was particularly tempted to kill himself. "The two of them weren't like this before. Now, always quarreling, after the fight, they are all angry. My mother would rush into my room and keep pricking me, I couldn't sit well, she would hit me on the back, my head was close to the book, she would keep hitting me on the head; after she went out, it was my father who came in, and my father sat very silently, and when he sat behind him, I didn't dare to make any noise, he was a very bad person. ”
Thirteen or fourteen-year-olds know anything, and he doesn't have a chance to get to the bottom of it, and the parents he sees are a pair of parents who yell at him all day, and a worried self.
Just one contrast is,
At that time, a neighbor of my childhood, my parents were also divorced. But her mood didn't seem to be affected in any way, and I pretty much witnessed her going from parent to single child.
Her parents emotionally divorced like a breakup, silent, and not arguing in front of their children. The child followed the mother, the father sorted out a lot of clothes, the mother helped him sort out, and when he left, he also said to each other to take care. After that, his father would visit them every week and occasionally take her out alone.
This child, whose emotions did not have much impact, still happily went to school, after school, and played a lot of games with me every day.
Parents are emotionally stable, sometimes more important than parental love.
Parental love, sometimes more involved in the independence of both parents, we can not because of the existence of who has kidnapped whose feelings, parents should not be kidnapped by children, children can not be kidnapped by parents; and parents' emotional stability is a kind of internal and external influence, that is a kind of cultivation and aura related things, how stable your current emotions are, how stable the child's emotions are when they grow up.
When I was in college, I went to a children's training center for classes.
I have found that children whose parents are gentle and emotionally peaceful have more smiles, a stronger sense of happiness, better resistance to setbacks, no shortage of politeness and upbringing, and a more tolerant view of the world. And those children whose parents are strong, emotionally unstable, and yell at every turn are always more likely to go to extremes and lack a minimum sense of security about the world.
Why?
Because if the parents always carry the knife in their hands, they will have more fear of the knife, and this knife is the bad emotions of the parents.
Zhang Ailing's pen has a knife, in addition to the sensitivity of her life, it is also related to her parents. Mother Huang Yifan and father Zhang Zhiyi quarreled every day, quarreling, escalating quarrels, and finally irreconcilable. Therefore, a little bit of anger in Zhang Ailing's pen comes from when she was young.
The four sisters of the Zhang family will always look like they have a good look, derived from a pair of their parents, who will always be emotionally stable and respectful in front of them.
I always feel that parents are emotionally stable and come first.
As a parent, it is always easy to be anxious, so anxious that you can't help but roar at yourself. However, all the clues to the growth of a child can be traced back to childhood.
There is a saying: parents are emotionally stable, and when children grow up, they are more tolerant of human trivia and have a greater sense of happiness. Why?
Because parents are the most intuitive interpersonal images that children are exposed to, the source of their relationships and social settings often comes from their own parents. Parents give their children peace of mind, which will give children more opportunities, more calmness, and more no worries to go to the outside world.
Don't let your emotions wear down your child's dreams of a better world. Parenthood, emotional stability and optimism, can allow her to slowly construct herself in the initially narrow world.
The outside world is very cruel, we will warm up a little, give her occasional shelter from the wind and rain, but also a little sunshine, give her a hug in the next day, let her go faster and more stable.
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Text / Xie Kehui
(Weibo @ Xie Kehui's village)
Photo / Movie "Modern Family"
Edit / Hatsuki