After talking with my son for two hours about emotional management, it turned out that there were so many misunderstandings

Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

I often hear mothers like this:

"The son often likes to lose his temper, as long as it doesn't go his way, he will uh-huh, and if he doesn't listen to him, he will cry."

"It feels like I don't dare to say anything about children, because I don't listen to explanations or reason, just do what they say."

……

In general, it is unwilling to discuss, has a big temper, and has a glass heart.

And these kinds of problems are more likely to occur in boys.

Because boys' emotional processing ability and language expression ability are relatively weak.

Based on this objective situation, we cannot always blame the boys, do not misunderstand, think that they are doing this on purpose.

We must be patient enough to help them and do some emotional guidance.

Otherwise, after the child's personality is formed, it will be even more difficult to do it.

A few days ago, I talked with Xiaoxiaoyu for more than two hours about emotional management, and found that there are many, many more to talk about, today I will share some:

The first is emotional recognition and emotional expression.

As long as you are careful, you will definitely find that different children express their dissatisfaction in different ways.

Some children are sulking and just ignore you.

Some children are screaming so loudly that your eardrums almost burst.

Others are rolling on the ground, forcing you to compromise.

……

Most children make angry faces or cry.

There are also some children who will tell you what they think and can argue with you instead of losing their temper.

Then in the face of grievances, the children's expressions are also varied.

We all know joy, anger and sorrow.

But the real emotions are ever-changing, just take Xi, there are also laughter, and the corners of the mouth show the inner joy.

There are many, many more.

Of course, we don't want our children to be socializers, and we don't have the time and effort to cultivate them to master all these emotions.

However, when it comes to "anger", it is the most faced.

Because when the child loses his temper, red eyes are staring at you, and his face is full of anger.

It's as if when parents get angry, they forget how hideous their expressions are.

When you calm down, you think, do you need to use such an expression?

If I do this, will I hurt others?

Children need the guidance of parents in choosing emotional expression or language communication.

For example, sometimes the elders in the family give small fish dishes, some of which he does not like to eat.

When he sees the bowl, he is not happy, and then he will be very angry.

The enthusiastic elder touched the nail, of course, the child cannot be blamed for this, because he can refuse.

But was able to calmly refuse, while replying, "I don't like these dishes, please don't clip them for me." ”

Wouldn't it seem more appropriate?

Outside, play with your companions.

Sometimes other children foul or bump into him.

He will also be angry and anxious.

Is it okay to say: "You are wrong like this", "You touched me, can you be careful!" ”

Wouldn't it be better if it was said in words.

These are ways of expressing themselves that need to be guided to verbally, not just emotionally.

There is also the problem of poor emotional expression.

This is also the reason why many boys are blamed by their mothers.

"A small thing, you shouldn't be so angry in the first place, why is it so easy to get angry."

"You're a glass heart!"

"You are like this, who can stand you, will the people outside let you!"

Such reproach is of little use.

It is better to tell the child that in fact, your emotions are a little excessive, and we can do this.

For example, you just don't like grandparents doing this, not hating grandparents, right?

Then you can tell them that you don't like it, and if you treat them fiercely, will it make people think that you hate them.

This is a misunderstanding.

Don't you want to be misunderstood by adults?

Guide children to empathize.

Then learn to express emotions appropriately.

Of course, it takes time and patience for children to learn to find this appropriate expression.

At the same time, in daily life, you can also guide children in this way.

It is a sentence: "express first, discuss well, and learn to adjust your temper."

This sentence is very short, children are easy to remember and remember.

It can be helpful to talk to your child often.

We can tell children that you can lose your temper, but before you lose your temper, you can think about what else you can do?

Just meditate on this phrase and do it.

In fact, I have told my child this one after another before, but I have not summed it up and told him.

After talking to Xiaoxiaoyu this time.

Remind him before you encounter him losing your temper.

For example, he wants to read extracurricular books all the time, but his mother wants him to do his homework.

Urged several times, there was some dissatisfaction there.

I said to him, "If you have any ideas, express them to your mother." ”

"Then you can discuss, for example, if you want to finish this one, or wait 10 minutes"

"In this way, you don't need to be angry, adjust your temper, take a deep breath, and try."

A few times down, the effect is very good.

I feel that he takes the initiative to express and discuss, and his temper will not be messy.

In fact, where are children who are naturally good at expressing and managing emotions.

There are many adults who have a lot of problems with themselves.

Sometimes when we talk to people, we will lament that we were beaten when we were children, and no one will comfort us.

I lost my temper and played tricks, and no one told me what to do.

Fortunately, our generation of parents is willing to learn and listen to their children's hearts.

Understand that emotional management is a lesson that requires not only children to learn, but also themselves.