A mother said that her daughter especially loves to cry, she loses her temper at every turn, at home is fine, her parents and grandparents are letting go, but in kindergarten, her daughter is still like this, playing with toys with other children, a little dispute, crying and throwing tantrums, the teacher has communicated with this mother several times.
The mother said, who has any good way to help her cure her daughter's problem of crying and losing her temper at every turn?
Children crying and throwing tantrums is a headache for many parents.
I also often see children crying and losing their temper in the community and shopping malls, there are children rolling on the ground, there are children who drag their mother's clothes and do not go, there are children who cry and burst out of their heads, and even children who do things to their parents, in the face of children's crying and violent temper, obviously many parents do not know how to deal with it.
Sometimes I sympathize with young parents who look at their children crying and throwing tantrums, after all, I have also had such moments.
We are all first-time parents and have no experience, so it is important to learn to keep up with the times.
So, in the face of children crying and throwing tantrums, what should we parents do? Is there any way to deal with this bad behavior of a child?
Parents can try these two options:
Solution 1: Deliberately ignoring the law
Deliberate neglect is to temporarily ignore the child's crying behavior and tantrum behavior, and wait for the child to calm down before dealing with it.
In fact, children love to cry and lose their temper in part because of the lack of connection between their emotional brains and their rational brains, and their rationality has not yet developed well.
At this time, if parents are working against their children, they have to teach their children a hard lesson, in fact, they cannot play any educational role.
You may wish to deal with it coldly, let the child vent his emotions first, and then reason with the child after the child is slightly calm.
Solution two: Reward good behavior and ignore bad behavior
In psychology, there is a concept of "positive reinforcement", also known as "positive reinforcement".
The meaning of this concept is that when the child has the positive and good behavior results that we expect, if the parent can reward the child in time, it is equivalent to reinforcing the behavior, and the child will continue to have this behavior.
For example: as soon as the child goes to the mall to see the toy, he will buy it, and if the parents do not buy it, the child will cry and lose his temper, and the parent will hinder the face and compromise to buy it for the child.
Children find that as long as they cry and lose their temper, they can achieve their goals, which is a "reinforcement trap".
We want to stop this bad behavior of the child, but we inadvertently "reward" the child for this bad behavior.
For children, rewards shape and determine a child's behavior. When good behavior is rewarded, good behavior is "positively reinforced."
Therefore, if the next time you want to take your child to the mall, in order to avoid the child crying and losing his temper in public, you can make an agreement with the child before going out, and tell the child: If you follow your parents all day, do not cry, do not make trouble, do not lose your temper, and your parents will reward you with a toy you like.
Of course, if the child really does it, parents must not forget to reward the child in time to strengthen the child's good behavior.
In addition, parents should also seize the opportunity of children crying and tantrums to guide children to understand emotions and learn self-control and self-regulation.
My children used to be particularly crying, and they lost their temper at every turn, and then I bought a lot of picture books for my children's emotional management and character cultivation, often read them to my children, and guided my children through picture books, and gradually my children had a change.
When the child has an emotion, the first thing we parents do is to guide the child to describe the emotion.
Parents can not guess any thoughts in the child's heart very accurately, when the parents can not understand the child, timely response, the child will usually cry, tantrums.
Therefore, parents should guide their children to describe their emotions, describe their inner thoughts and feelings to parents in words, so that parents can understand the true purpose of their children.
For example, when a child does not want to go to kindergarten and cry and lose his temper, parents can ask the child, why do not want to go to kindergarten? Is it not good to get along with children? Or do you still don't like to eat a meal?
When the child says why he does not want to go, the parent should analyze the emotions with the child.
For example, if the child says that he does not want to go to kindergarten because the child grabs the toy with him, the teacher only criticizes him, not the other child.
Then parents should analyze the child, encounter this kind of thing, there are many possibilities, perhaps the teacher did not see, perhaps the child did not express clearly to the teacher, or the other child lied to the teacher. Things have happened, children cry at home, lose their temper and do not go to kindergarten, can it solve the problem?
At this time, parents should help their children reflect on their emotions and let the children think about whether there are other better solutions?
Help the child reflect on the whole process of crying and tantrums, point out that this does not solve the problem, communicate, and guide the child to experience the feelings of others, so that the child can control his emotions and rational intelligence better integrate.
When I solve problems like my kids crying and throwing tantrums, the usual method I use is to read picture books. Because many real life scenes will be reproduced in the picture book story, through the story in the picture book, the child can learn the correct emotional processing method.
"Children's Emotions and Personality Management" this set of picture books is a set that my children especially like.
There are 8 volumes with eight themes, which are very suitable for preschoolers aged 3-6 and reading together with parents and children.
From 7 dimensions + 1 parenting guide, excavate the reasons for children's crying and tantrums, and give parents practical guidance and suggestions, which can guide parents to correctly and reasonably help their children through the crying period.
Some parents always love to reason with children, in fact, for young children, reasoning is useless, exercise children's emotional management ability and character development or rely on reading stories to children.
The cute characters and vivid storyline in the story have an impact on the child and are more effective than the nagging of the parents.
If you also have a crying and tantrum-loving child, I suggest that you read this set of "Children's Emotions and Personality Management" picture books to your children. I believe that children can learn to manage emotions through the stories in the picture books after reading this set of picture books.