What children need is emotion, not material.
In every family tragedy, there is unbridled quarrel and anger.
As a father of a primary school student, I know that in the process of getting along with children, it is actually difficult for adults to suppress all kinds of anger of "unaccustomed" and "incomprehensible".
Obviously, they are all childish questions similar to "one plus one equals two", but in other words, he just can't understand it.
Obviously, he has been holding the phone all day, but if you let him write his homework, the child is still unhappy.
Obviously, because of the repeated epidemics, the food and drink at home are relatively monotonous, and the children still clamor to eat fried chicken burgers all day long.
As a post-80s and post-90s parent, do you say that you can not be a little angry in your heart?
But the child does not understand.
In their little narrow and pitiful thinking space, as long as they can eat and wear warm, they can't think of their parents' difficulties and hardships.
But I still have to say:
When the child is unhappy, parents cannot follow the tantrum.
May 1st is supposed to be a time for the whole family to go out and enjoy the holidays.
Ms. Huang, who loves her daughter, did not expect that her daughter suddenly disappeared from April 21, but what was waiting for her daughter 10 days later was her body.
At 6 p.m. on the same day, the mother Ms. Huang and her daughter Peng met at a nearby hospital to do nucleic acid testing, but they quarreled over trivial matters. It may be that the daughter is emotionally rebellious, the mother speaks heavily again, and then Peng runs away from home in a negative mood.
In these 10 days, Ms. Huang repeatedly called her daughter's school to confirm, asked her daughter's classmates to send private messages on social platforms, and at the same time called the police to deal with and retrieve monitoring. However, through the investigation of the surveillance video after the separation of the mother and daughter, the police could only see Peng walking toward the Yangtze River and finally entering the monitoring blind spot.
In addition, Ms. Huang also found relevant media to publish a search notice, and also posted countless search notices in the area where her daughter was lost, just in order to be able to find her daughter as soon as possible, say sorry, and say a word of comfort.
However, on May 1, the remains of the daughter confirmed by DNA comparison made all the regrets, reluctance and hopes in the mother's heart disappear.
This is the educational tragedy caused by the rebellion of the child and the anger of the parents.
But in fact, such disputes and quarrels are not new in most families.
Because many post-80s and post-90s parents experience a frugal life when they are young.
More than 20 years ago, dual-career families experienced a "wave of layoffs", and parents who went to the sea to seek gold were also experiencing the "pain" of the early stage of entrepreneurship.
Adults have no money in their pockets, which is reflected in the child's education, which can be saved and stretched.
In such a family atmosphere, the post-80s and post-90s generations have grown up from small to large, almost all of them are in a state of emotional control and desire suppression. That is to say, everyone feels that considering problems calmly and objectively and suppressing emotions rationally and restrainedly is a more "normal" behavior.
Therefore, when many parents see their children unhappy and lose their temper, they feel that they are really incomprehensible and inexplicable.
Isn't it true that in real life, we are not good at controlling emotions and being objective and calm, so that we can maintain the "normal" operation of individuals and families? What is the difference between a child who cries bitterly when he encounters a troublesome matter, and a parent who is angry when he sees his child lose his temper?
In fact, many educational issues will eventually come down to the choice of "repression or release".
When children have emotions and lose their temper, they are basically "oil and salt do not enter".
As a post-80s and post-90s parent, there are some emotional and personality problems due to the times, but we speak from the essence of human nature:
When children are aggrieved, rebellious and noisy, they must not "fight violence with violence".
We can't just label children verbally and mentally as "making unreasonable trouble" because we feel that "crying loudly may disturb others; crying and weeping will not help solve the problem; lying on the ground and spilling it is meaningless at all."
Is that fair?
In fact, the psychological problems of many college students and adults today are often half due to the negligence of their parents and families, and half because of the repression of their parents' families.
The "negligence" in family education will make children feel less accompanied and caring; and the "repression" of parental discipline will make children live in a state of tension, extremism and pressure for a long time.
Over time, the ability to regulate emotions and comfort oneself will be significantly reduced.
Studies have shown that using language to say a strong emotion in a person's heart is conducive to the gradual calming of the person's mood.
The same is true of homeschooling.
No matter what age you are, you can't expect to use persecution, surveillance, and high pressure to get your child to stop crying, calm down, and then read and do things without doing anything. Even if the child temporarily succumbs to your loud voice and scolding, wipes away tears and smiles, you can guarantee:
Won't the child's heart leave one wound after another that cannot be healed?
Therefore, when the child's negative emotions are bursting, parents may wish to try to let the child cry and make a fuss first, release all the grievances and dissatisfaction in the heart, and then try to stand in an understanding, sympathetic and caring angle, figure out the reason for the child's tantrum, and reflect on their own problems in education.
If there is one, it will be changed, and if there is none, it will be encouraged.
Perhaps, it is the wiser choice.
In short, the parents of the post-80s and post-90s generations cannot always give back the grievances and repressions they suffered when they were young, and after they get married and have children, they will "give back" to their children.
In fact, many psychological problems are caused by depression, depression and high pressure.
Parents who love their children, please be more patient with your children.
Because what children need most is emotion, not material, and not violence.