Author | Mulberry night
Tantrums are brain development
In desperation, the parents took out the "killer" - a threat. The father said that he would take the ruler, and the child finally stopped crying.
Tantrums can stem from frustration
Tantrums may be a lack of love
When asked how to raise children, friends said that the method is very simple, that is, to guide children to express their feelings.
For example, if a child loses her temper, her friend will always remind her to "tell her how you feel."
For example, friends will often do demonstrations to let children know some emotional language: "I am angry", "I am a little unhappy", "I am going to lose my temper!" ......
After the tantrum, the child will also be guided to analyze the emotions.
"What was the reason you were angry?"
"Are you angry that your mother didn't take care of you in time?"
The process of giving out the reason for the tantrum is also the process of helping the child to further strengthen the use of the rational brain.
The development of children's emotional efficacy needs to go through three stages of being captured, demonstrated and strengthened, and finally after repeated practice, children can form their own emotional expression.
When the child's language expression is enhanced, the expression of emotions has one more channel.
3. Give your child steps down
The scholar Ma Weidu once told an interesting story about his son when he was a child.
Once he took his son to the street and agreed in advance not to buy toys.
But as soon as the son saw the toy, he couldn't walk, and he was clamoring to buy it, crying very sadly. Ma Wei felt that under the public, it was very difficult to cry like this, so he angrily said to his son, "I want to cry and go home and cry."
The son really didn't cry anymore and obediently went home.
However, what impressed Ma Weidu was the child's reaction when he returned home:
He moved a small bench, sat in the middle of the house and began to cry bitterly, crying while saying, "When I grow up, I will never let my son suffer such a great grievance."
At that moment, Ma Weidu was very guilty and bluntly said that he did not know how to face the child.
Many parents should have encountered such a situation. In public, children's tantrums are always very difficult for parents.
Compromise, afraid to indulge the child; be tough, afraid of hurting the child, and sometimes it doesn't work.
Teacher Li Meijin's words woke up Ma Weidu: "You can negotiate with him, for example, we didn't plan it today, but we can go back and study it well, how to save money to buy it." You have to leave an outlet for your child, a hope."
Blindly reprimanding is likely to intensify the child's temper.
Stopping and ignoring it will aggravate the child's sense of grievance.
Leaving a step for the child is an exit to alleviate the problem. This exit is the place where love shines in.
4. Let your child feel loved
There is a story in Positive Discipline:
Because his 4-year-old son always loses his temper suddenly, the father is deeply frustrated and troubled.
And the more the father reprimands, the stronger the child's emotions.
Later, the father changed his approach, and he did not expect the effect to be unexpectedly good.
When his little one suddenly lost his temper again, the dad squatted down and shouted to the child, "I need a hug!"
His child was stunned and sobbed and asked, "What?"
Dad shouted again, "I need a hug!"
The son looked completely confused, but he stopped crying and said, somewhat reluctantly, "Okay."
Then he stiffly gave Dad a hug. But soon, the stiffness was gone, and the father and son melted into each other's arms.
After a while, Dad said, "Thanks, that's exactly what I need."
My son's lips trembled slightly and he said, "Me too."
A small hug solves the problem perfectly.
Children sometimes just need a little bit of such privilege and pampering, and we parents can give it to them.
Physical contact and expression of love are important ways for children to feel safe.
When a child loses his temper, your first words are important:
It's much better to say "I know" full of understanding and love than the impatient "Don't make a fuss."
A child's tantrum is not a bad thing, but it may be an opportunity to grow.
May our children be confident and invincible in the acceptance and understanding of their parents.
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