Whether it is from our parents or from the mouths of our classmates and friends, the most commonly heard phrase is "multiple friends, many roads." ”
I don't know when this sentence became popular, but what we can see is that we all make friends because of this sentence, and reality seems to confirm this sentence.
Sometimes our own efforts may not be able to withstand the words of others, so does this mean that we need to be separated from these so-called intimate people all the time?
Or do you need to be with these so-called "good friends" no matter what you do? In fact, Ma Weidu once said in a talk show: "The more intimate people are, the more unreasonable they are, and they must keep a distance from the people they like." ”
So why does Ma Weidu hold such a view? Is the truth really as he says?
Are intimate people really unreasonable?
The "unreasonableness" here is not unreasonable and nonsense, and it should be impossible to explain some truth to them as it is to strangers.
In daily social life, there will be some strangers who touch their own interests or affect their mood.
As parties, we will directly tell them how to solve the difficulties they encounter, or how to adjust their pathological psychology.
But in the face of people who are close to us, we can't say these words calmly and directly, and often we can only tell them side by side, or let them complain and spread negative energy.
The internet term "plastic sister flower" was once all the rage, and most girls would use it to ridicule their relationship with friends or to express their attitude towards a relationship.
This word is not made up out of thin air, its appearance must be closely related to real life, and it is also the most direct description of the relationship between girls in reality.
There is a story that a female classmate who did not have much contact after high school began to chat with girls after going to college, and the girls felt that their relationship was average.
But when the female classmates learned that the girl came to her city after graduating from college, the contact between them became more frequent, and when there was nothing to do, they would go out to play, and the female classmates would tell the girl anything and let the girl help her analyze.
However, later their relationship was gradually estranged because the female classmate wanted to fall in love, and two so-called "Prince Charming" appeared in the life of the female classmate.
The two boys were all met by female classmates in online chat, and both were the kind of people who had a certain amount of knowledge, and their work and academic qualifications were not bad, one in Beijing and one in Shanghai.
When female classmates first started chatting with them, they could say that they had nothing to talk about, and there may be a feeling of falling in love with them.
With the deepening of the chat topic, they also exposed their own non-simple purposes, but the female students did not seem to think that there was anything wrong with the two boys' unsinkable purposes, and what was even more infuriating was that the female classmates actually felt that this was normal.
After the female classmate told the girl about the two boys, the girl once advised the female classmate not to fall too deeply, nor to have a "love brain", maybe it was just her own wishful thinking.
Some words the girl did not say, the girl was thinking: "If I say these words, too much, she will think more, and I will fall into the pain of losing this friendship, but don't say, I can't look at my very good friends, so I have been wrong." 」 ”
Later, when the female classmates talked to the girl about this matter, although the girl had several interviews the next day, she still talked to her until more than two o'clock in the morning, and things were as the girl thought.
After those few days, their relationship began to be estranged, from the previous nothing to say, now do not say once a month, even if the girl takes the initiative to find a female classmate, it is also a message in the morning, a few words back in the evening.
And the attitude of the female classmates also made the girls feel as if they were not worth it, so although they were in the same city, they never contacted each other again.
I believe that most people will encounter this situation, and afterwards they will feel as if the person is not worth my doing, and they will also persuade themselves: "If you don't contact because of this matter, then there is no need for such people to continue to associate." ”
Such undesirable things happen not only before friends, but also between couples, parents and children.
And all we can do is persuade ourselves, and when we really can't stand it, we will say, "Why are you so unreasonable?" This is probably a phrase we often blurt out.
The relationship is too close, the more you know, the more you will know the other person, over time, the freshness will be gone, there will be a kind of disgust, or the other party thinks that everything should be done, if not done it means that the relationship is broken.
Distance produces beauty
The ancients advocated a kind of "gentleman's friendship is as light as water" relationship, which is not the purity and pride of the ancients, it is precisely that they attach great importance to this relationship, hoping that every meeting can be "as the first sight", maintain that freshness, and look forward to the next meeting.
Superficial estrangement is not really estranged, and likewise the intimacy we see does not necessarily go to the end, often the most idyllic and longest.
When we get along with friends, we must maintain a certain safe distance, that distance is not close to each other, to set a warning line for ourselves, only in this way can we maintain this friendship, crossing the line means the end.
"Same but different" this is the most basic requirement to get along with friends, each of us has individual differences, not every friend and their own ideas are the same, and they all have the same way of thinking and logic of dealing with things.
But we should think from the other side's point of view, as long as our worldview, outlook on life, values of the three general directions are the same, other differences may also provide another way of thinking for our lives.
If the people in the world are all the same, then how boring the world is, people as high-level animals will naturally have a sense of "territory", we must always remind ourselves and respect each other.
If what you say and do is a minefield for the other party, then no matter how unacceptable you are, don't touch it, don't keep a distance at all times, don't think that the relationship is good, you can "do whatever you want.".
brief summary
Sometimes keeping your distance is not only a long-term solution to maintaining a relationship, but also a way to relieve stress, which is good for yourself and the other person.
The Book of Poetry says: "The leaf is pale, and the white dew is frost." The so-called Iraqis are on the water side. It can be seen that even if it is your beloved, you must keep a certain distance from the other party, only in this way can it be long-lasting, and it is common sense.