Two days ago to visit a friend's house, his 3-year-old baby has been playing with water, the bathroom floor is full of water, the friend angrily stopped him: "Don't forget, who let you get water everywhere?" ”
The child said grievously: "I just think the water is fun, I want to play for a while." ”
"Don't play anymore." As a result, the child saw that the father was so severe, he began to collapse and cry, the more the adults cried more and more, how can not be coaxed, the result of the little guy cried for more than 30 minutes, and finally the parents agreed to play with the water before stopping.
We always say that we love our children, but most of our parents can only accept the moments when our children are small, cute and obedient, and share sweet times with them, and when children cry, annoy, and make unreasonable trouble, we will only say, "Don't cry, don't bother me, cry again..."
Yes, in fact, we say that we love children, but here we often stand against him when we complain that he loves to cry, and when he has an emotional breakdown. But crying and laughing are instinctive reactions to children's emotions, and we should accept and understand, rather than using authority to stop them.
And I have also made a lot of mistakes in the process of parenting, many times with children is very tired, coco obedient and well-behaved, everyone is at peace, and every time I work she has to let me play with her, when she is squealing on the side, every time she brushes her teeth and washes her face to sleep disobediently, every time she tells a story and listens to another story, every time she is cold outside and she is not wearing clothes...
In those moments that made people crumbling, I understood that it was wrong to yell at the child and hit the child, but I didn't hold back. At that moment, emotions were like a flood of beasts that diluted sanity. Yes, we prefer obedient people.
And I also gradually understood that learning not to say "no" to children's emotions is a compulsory course for every parent. Just like children have to smooth out the edges and corners in the process of growing up, they must abide by the rules.
First, it is difficult to understand children, but you must also insist
For example, if you take your child shopping, suddenly he sees a toy he likes very much, cries and begs you to buy it for him, if you ignore his request and walk away, or say loudly: "Buy, buy, buy, see what you want, don't buy." ”
The more you say no, the louder the child cries, because if you walk away silently, you are actually ignoring the child's emotions, and you say that you are not allowed to cry is actually limiting his crying emotions, so he instinctively understands that they do not understand him, do not understand his emotions, which is the wrong way.
"Iceberg theory" Many times behind the emotions displayed by children, the greater needs are not discovered. And we are the parents who only see the tip of the iceberg and don't find out what his real needs are when his child loses his temper.
Let's recall carefully: the child obviously has a lot of toys at home, and when he sees that there are ones for sale on the street, he wants you to buy them again, does he really need that toy? Most of the time it is not, the child just wants to feel whether the parents love him or not, whether they understand the emotions of ta ya wanting a toy.
For example, my family Coco especially likes balloons, obviously there is a balloon at home, see a child on the street holding one, she will say: "Mom, buy me a balloon, this is the balloon of the little duck, I am the balloon of the frog, the little sister has it, I don't have it." She felt this patterned balloon she didn't have and begged me to buy another one.
But the advantage is that she doesn't cry like the average child, she just wants to stay in that place for a while and doesn't want to go. At this time, I would accompany her there to look at the balloon for a while, and then tell her: "This little duck balloon is cute, you like it, don't you?" She nodded. You have a cuteer little frog balloon, which is cool and no one else has. Wait until your little frog balloon is broken, is it okay for your mother to buy you a baby duck? ”
"Oh yes, I have a little frog balloon at home, and we're going to get it." At this time she happily went back with me.
There is a saying that goes, "When a child is the cutest, it is often when he needs love the most."
They are also only 2-3-year-old babies, unable to be as rational as adults, nor can they control their emotions that may erupt at any time, and as the closest people, the hugs and comfort of parents are the best medicine.
Second, promise your child that you must do it so that your parents can make your child trust you.
Many parents say that my child just doesn't listen to me, and he can't coax him at all, so you have to reflect on it, have you promised him every time? The child chooses to believe in you with joy, and whether you have fulfilled your promise or not.
My husband and I have done a good job of this, such as promising her to go out to buy a thing, come back and buy her a small cake, no matter how difficult it is, to buy it back for her to eat. Once went to the mall to buy something, she saw a rabbit wanted, I looked at the price of 680 yuan, felt that it was too expensive, said to Coco: "Mother took you to the next place to buy a cuter rabbit", because she likes rabbits, that day I and my mother-in-law went to several toy stores and did not buy it, and walked for a long time. She kept asking me expectantly, "Mom, is the little bunny waiting for us, let's go find it." ”
But she had promised to buy it. We took a taxi to another toy store, and finally found the little white rabbit, very cute, the price is only 56 yuan, but obviously she prefers this 56 yuan, the price is not what she cares about, which is better is not the most important, the important thing is to finally find the little rabbit. Hold it all the way without letting go. For him, his mother did what he said, so no matter what I promised him in the future, he knew that his mother would do it when he said it.
Trust must be mutual her, I believe that it will always be a good child, so try to control the emotions not to talk about her, when she makes a seemingly unreasonable demand, as long as it is not excessive, I will respond. She also chose to trust her mother without hesitation, which was the hardest thing to do.
Allow him to cry for a while
Children cry is normal, angry, aggrieved, irritable, and will not express directly, can only be vented through crying, at this time you say "no crying, good children do not cry, men can not cry" and so on, children will feel that I cried is not a good child, it is not a man, parents do not like me.
Regardless of boys and girls, he (she) is in the stage of self-awareness germination, sometimes stubborn, sometimes cute, sometimes irritable, sometimes well-behaved, we can only understand a little more, cry and cry, at this time more understanding, in a few years he wants to cry but does not cry, and is not willing to tell you about his heart.
Crying is a way to express emotions, and you know that a child who loves to cry is healthier than a child who never cries. The key is how do you choose to react when your child is crying, or do you say out loud "no crying"? Or give a hug to understand him?
That's what we should be thinking about.