Text | Rice grain mother
Recently, my mother brushed a video and saw my blood pressure soar.
A full-time mother has just given birth and wakes up several times in the middle of the night to breastfeed and can't sleep well at all. Just after feeding the baby at 4:30, he will get up and take the baby at 7 o'clock.
But when she got up early in the morning, she quarreled with her husband, and she could only close the door alone and cry silently, but even crying had to change diapers.
Finally, as soon as the mood calmed down here, my husband came up like a nobody: "Do you know it's wrong?" ”
Mother Rice looked at the mother in the video and asked in disappointment "Why am I wrong", and the top of her head was almost on fire.
The husband still did not know it, and began to pull the lying child again, and this time the mother completely broke out, shouting: "Don't touch my son." ”
Soon after the mother gave birth, her hormone levels dropped off a cliff, and she was already emotionally unstable, coupled with poor rest at night, and her heart was even more irritable.
At this time, the husband did not have half understanding, but self-righteously accused his wife, no matter how he looked at it, it made people feel unworthy for his wife.
Even more infuriating is the classic statement in the comment section: Go to work if you have the ability.
Mother Migrain really wants to shout, in the end it is to give him confidence, thinking that taking care of children is playing, and who told him that going to work is a great contribution?
The value of full-time is known only to mom
A while ago, there was such a divorce case in Shanghai: the full-time wife Yu Hong, only found out that her husband's assets exceeded 100 million yuan when she divorced.
Yu Hong and her husband have been married for nearly 20 years, in order to take care of the family and educate the children, she is at home full-time, and her husband only gives her the corresponding monthly living expenses.
However, in recent years, the relationship between the husband and wife has become weaker and weaker, and Yu Hong decided to sue for divorce, only to find out that his pillow person had many properties in his name and was still a billionaire.
The husband immediately panicked, saying that he was unwilling to divorce anything, and the judge did not sentence the divorce on the grounds that the relationship between the husband and wife had not completely broken down.
Six months later, Yu Hong sued for divorce again, and in the lawsuit, Yu Hong discovered that her husband had secretly transferred 18 sets of shops to the name of his daughter born to his ex-wife.
After being discovered, in the face of the judge's questioning, the husband actually came up with another set of arguments: The wife is a housewife and does not work, this is all earned by me, and I left more to Yu Hong's children.
Good fellow, joint property of husband and wife, just because the wife is a housewife does not count?
The court directly ruled that the gift was invalid, and the 18 properties were eventually returned to the couple's names.
Seeing no, in the eyes of "Yu Hong's husbands", full-time is to eat white rice and do not make the slightest contribution to the family.
Yu Hong is still lucky, and what is even more hateful is that many stay-at-home mothers receive very little compensation when they divorce.
Some left their jobs with their children, worked full-time for more than ten years, and only got 70,000 yuan in household compensation when they got divorced.
Now with these tens of thousands of dollars, can you find a nanny to work for a year? But this money includes all the contributions that stay-at-home mothers make to the family.
What is even more unacceptable is that there are many people who sneer, some people feel that taking a baby at home is not tired at all, and some people think that men are tired and tired outside, and it is men's to earn money.
Rice mom just wants to say that if a stay-at-home mom with a baby at home is just playing:
Did you make the meal and put it on the table?
Did the clothes wash and fold themselves?
Does the child feed and change his or her own diaper?
Mothers' contributions to the family are often taken for granted by their husbands, who only preach their own hard work and desperately devalue their wives' labor.
Only those who are in it know how hard a full-time job is.
Taking care of the family is also a kind of labor
Rice Grain's mother has read a book: "Please Take Care of My Mother", the elderly wife is lost, and the husband lives alone in the country home, only to recall everything his wife has done for the family for decades.
When hungry, he could only cook a meal of rice that could barely fill his stomach, but every meal he used to have was made by his wife and brought to him.
I didn't know how to get along with my children, so I remembered that when I was running around, my wife raised my children while digging sweet potatoes and making koji to subsidize the family.
When the family sacrifices, because they are the eldest grandchildren, they have to shoulder the responsibility, only to remember that every year's sacrificial supplies are busy with the wife alone, and they only need to sit and wait.
When he had an old problem, he could only endure it by himself, and then he remembered that in the past, as long as his leg hurt, his wife would give him a warm compress to relieve the pain.
Only when his life is inconvenient will the husband realize what his wife has paid for this family, but in these decades, he has been turning a blind eye.
The plight of stay-at-home mothers has always been like this, the husband only enjoys convenience, but never thinks that behind every bit of convenience is the wife's housework.
Not long ago, the "child sleeps and you sleep" challenge became popular on the Internet.
It turned out that it was Bao's mother who talked about the hard work of taking care of the child full-time, not only is it difficult for the child to leave the mother, but the housework is also a mountain that cannot be overcome, so there is not enough sleep and the heart is tired.
But the husband and elders just fluttered and said: "You sleep when the child sleeps."
As a result, mothers began to interpret reality:
Take the child for a walk outside, the child falls asleep, and immediately lies down on the road to sleep;
When the child falls asleep when he eats by himself, then immediately put down the unfinished meal, turn his head and sleep;
When the child falls asleep while doing housework, he immediately throws away the rag in his hand and falls asleep on the ground.
In the funny video, Migrain's mother only saw sadness.
The labor of stay-at-home mothers caring for their families has always been invisible and unrecognized, so that they can only prove in this way that they are not half a point easier than going to work.
Chizuko Ueno once argued that care is not a spirit, but a labor, and that care should never be free.
Rice mothers can no longer agree that every penny earned by men working outside the home is half that of full-time mothers, which should not only be morally fair, but also implemented in the system.
Without a stay-at-home mom to take care of the housework, how can Dad wear clean clothes to work every day, let alone lie on the sofa when he can still go home, only to shout tired.
Family care, which is also labor, has irreplaceable value, and not making money is by no means a reason for mothers to be despised.
Stay-at-home mom deserves everyone's respect
Zhang Nara once acted in a short film about the daily life of a full-time mother, and the rice mother watched it once and was sad.
Since having a baby, I can almost only take time to eat, and finally wait for the child to fall asleep and want to eat well, and the child begins to cry as soon as the meal reaches his mouth, so he can only hold the child to deal with a bite.
The arm of holding the child for a long time is so sore that it can't work, but in the face of the child's request to hug, he still can't refuse, and can only put a plaster on it and endure it silently.
I finally wanted to go out for a walk, but there were always milk stains on my body that I didn't know when, and looking at the glamorous other people on the street, I only felt a deep inferiority in my heart.
If the child is sick, the mother is at a loss and distressed, and when she is suffering, the husband is entertaining and cannot help the slightest.
A person with a baby, the difficulties and collapse are far more than that, but the most afraid is that after suffering everything, the husband does not understand, but blames.
As netizens said, because they didn't see it, or maybe they turned a blind eye, a sentence of "idle all day long" negates all the efforts of the mother.
What's even more frightening is that many unmarried people now also look down on stay-at-home mothers.
There is such a scene in "Kim Ji-young born in 82", Kim Ji-young took his daughter out after giving birth for a long time, and finally bought a cup of coffee to sit down and rest for a while, but was accused by strangers:
"The current housewife is so good, I don't have to do anything, I also want to do this, it's good to be a 'mom worm'."
The term "mom bug" is actually an emerging Korean term used to belittle young mothers who make loud noises in public without teaching.
But the terrible thing is that it has gradually been used indiscriminately on most mothers, causing widespread fear and pain among mothers.
Not to mention Kim Ji-young, Migrain's mother felt that any full-time mother would collapse when she heard this sentence, and she gave up her job to take care of her children and do housework at home, almost 24 hours on call.
Just bought a cup of coffee, and had a short leisure time, and was called "mom worm", which was too wronged.
To put it bluntly, South Korea's "mom worm" is actually a name change for "mom humiliation".
As one American mother said: "When a new mother takes her baby out, she brings her own 'step on me' slogan." ”
No matter who it is, you can come up and say two sentences.
But Rice Mom wants to tell all stay-at-home moms not to doubt yourself because of the doubts and denials of others, no one will love your children more than you.
"Mommy shaming" shouldn't exist, and every stay-at-home mom needs to recognize her worth from the heart, because money isn't the only measure.
At present, many men and families default to the fact that the wife should bear the responsibility of taking care of the family, and if she also does it, it is a help, and if she does not do it, it is right.
But the family belongs to the husband and wife, and both of them are working hard for a better life, how can it be erased because of one person's denial?
Stay-at-home mom is not an identity, but a profession, it does not mean easy and lazy, on the contrary, it needs to take on more responsibilities.
So while accompanying and nurturing your children, remember to tell yourself that everything you do is valuable.
When I was a child, I also worked day and night at home with my baby; When he grew up, I also worked as a desperate third lady in the workplace. I want to say that compared with the hard work of stay-at-home mothers, the workplace is simply a beautiful and comfortable "holiday"! If these stay-at-home moms and dads are exchanged, I'm afraid dad won't last even a day.
Anyone who has hired a nanny knows that there is an unwritten caution in the nanny industry, that is, to take regular breaks, so that the employer's family is busy, and the family cannot finish the work of one person, and feel the value of the nanny.
So Migrain mother suggests that if you are a full-time mother and suffer from inconsiderate and ungrateful for your efforts at home, you can really take a few days off every month, go out and spend a weekend with your girlfriends and sisters, and let your husband and family experience your daily work.
Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience and further education.