"Dear Child" has a warm finale.
At this point, I have to say that this drama is a very good drama. It is different from the traditional warmth, and it also subverts many of our three views, but I have to say that this is the reality, this is the state of the world.
In this world, there is a confused woman like Fang Yinuo, who is extremely confused, but thinks that she is very great, that is, there is a sick man like Xie Tianhua who drags the whole family to grief for love. And xiao lu, the scumbag we once thought, burst out the most "grounded" point in human nature in the end, and it is that he can hold the beauty and be happy.
And sometimes, this is the truth of the world. And the real world is, to a large extent, not what we expect, and marriage, or there are many, very cruel but very realistic points.
01 Selfish people are more likely to be happy.
Xie Tianhua reported xiao lu and Fang Yinuo for his own child.
Little Hehe said sadly, Daddy knows that I will die this way, why does he have to do this, doesn't he love me?
And when Fang Yinuo knew about this, she said such a sentence with hatred:
Man, how selfish!
However, after discovering Xie Tianhua's selfishness, she confessed to Xie Tianhua. A lot of viewers can be very confused when they see this. However, when I look at this, I think it is a kind of inevitability.
The more selfless Xie Tianhua is, the more he is depressed, the more Fang Yinuo will ignore his existence and dedication. And once Xie Tianhua was unwilling to be so selfless, unwilling to be so stubborn, he began to resist, and Fang Yinuo could truly see him, see his previous efforts, and thus have emotional fluctuations for him. If there was no such resistance from Xie Tianhua, then Fang Yinuo would have no feeling for Xie Tianhua in this life.
How cruel, but this is a status quo that exists in marriage: when a person has no bottom line to pay, he may not exchange love, but the other party's nose on the face. The so-called marriage is the two sides of the husband and wife, one after another, one side is too weak, the other side is too strong, it will be unbalanced. And only when the weak become stronger, the strong will converge, thus achieving a balance in marriage.
And here is a misunderstanding: people are not more selfish and happier, but there is a degree, a degree of love first, and then love people, and lovers have principles and bottom lines. If a person is selfish to the extreme in marriage, then the person may not be suitable for marriage.
02 If you have the ability, you will have more choices.
After Xiao Lu divorced, he married Dong Fan, who was young and beautiful, wanted a career, and wanted a family with a family.
During her college years, Fang Yinuo did not choose Xie Tianhua, who loved her more, but chose the more promising Xiao Lu.
Make a comparison between Xiao Lu and Xie Tianhua, Xiao Lu is a scumbag, and Xie Tianhua is simply a ceiling for a good man. But why, Fang Yinuo and Dong Fan, such excellent only daughters, would choose a bad man like Xiao Lu?
Because, Xiao Lu is a capable man. He is very flexible, has a good mouth, is very motivated, and has created a good image of responsibility, responsibility, and righteousness.
There is a detail in the TV series that after Hehe fell ill, Xiao Lu joined the ranks of saving his daughter, and at first Fang Yinuo was repelled by Xiao Lu. However, with the development of time, Fang Yinuo was more inclined to discuss things with Xiao Lu than Xie Tianhua. Xie Tianhua retreated to a "logistical" position.
Why is that?
Not only because Xiao Lu is Hehe's biological father, but also because Xiao Lu's ability to do things is much higher than Xie Tianhua, he is good at taking the initiative, trying his best, and is also very good at communicating with people. When Xiao Lu interacts with people, he is confident and sweet, while Xie Tianhua is inferior and depressed when he interacts with people.
Here I have to mention the word "capital". No matter how much you reject it, capital will be a very fundamental thing in mate selection and marriage. Those men and women who have the ability will have more choices.
03 Confinement will amplify evil.
This play, one of the points I really want to write about, is the "critical period".
Men and women in marriage must be aware of this critical period, because this is a period that lays the foundation for marriage, and if this critical period is lived well, then for the rest of their lives, even if there are many contradictions, but because of this "key fragility" period, there is no deep harm, then many things can continue. But once the husband and wife have not lived this "critical period", then there will be an invisible but untouchable scar.
As long as it is opened, it is scarred, and this scar is from body to heart, and even many times it is not controlled by reason.
Why?
Because the woman has just undergone a birth, from the body to the heart has been hit hard, she is extremely fragile during this period, and the negative emotions accumulated from pregnancy to childbirth have all accumulated to the peak. She needed too much care and love during this period. Once she does not get love in this period of extreme lack of love and extreme need for care, but faces harm, then that kind of harm will be filled into her "extreme". And that extreme, usually, goes deep into the bone marrow.
Just like Fang Yinuo, during that period, Xiao Lu's dislike would make her remember it to the bone, until the two people divorced, this hurdle did not pass.
Many people say that Fang Yinuo's performance is pathological, but you must not forget that the woman in that "critical period" cannot be treated as normal.
Special periods, special treatment, are both reason and wisdom. Hopefully, men and in-laws will have this wisdom instead of going home confused.
04 Marriage, there is the essence of "reciprocity".
"The Ferryman" uses this sentence to interpret love:
Because I need it, so you exist.
In fact, the key to the survival of marriage, many times, is not to see whether you still love or not, but to see whether you still need each other or not.
Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu are lovers from school uniforms to wedding dresses, and they have had hearts and loves between them. But when they went through marriage, when their love precipitated into those trivial little things, they were in the opposite direction. Xiao Lu wanted a harmonious and relaxed family environment, while Fang Yinuo wanted to get more love and care during his fragile period.
But they didn't get what they needed. As a result, when Fang Yinuo could not meet Xiao Lu's needs, and when Xiao Lu could not meet Fang Yinuo's needs, the love between them disappeared.
Looking at the combination of Xiao Lu and Dong Fan, it is not because Xiao Lu loves Dong Fan more, but because he needs Dong Fan, a girl who can make him easy and happy, and the two people plan not to have children as soon as they get married. The marriage between Fang Yinuo and Xie Tianhua is even more so, Fang Yinuo needs Xie Tianhua to be a father to Hehe, so even if she does not love him, she still marries him.
Many young people will mistakenly think that the essence of marriage is love, but in fact, the essence of marriage is cooperation, and the essence of cooperation is reciprocity.
Once this "reciprocity" cannot be achieved in marriage, I don't need you, and you don't need me, then it will be difficult for marriage to last.
05 In major events, the marital relationship may be far less secure than the blood relationship.
The most vivid interpretation of this drama is actually blood.
In the marriage between Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo, Xiao Lu's mother and brother considered Xiao Lu more, while Fang Yinuo's parents completely stood in Fang Yinuo's perspective. Looking at Xie Tianhua's parents, they are also more distressed about their sons.
Looking at Hehe again, when Xie Tianhua has his own flesh and bones, he will make a move to give up Hehe, and his biological father, Xiao Lu, can prostrate himself and kneel and give up all his happiness.
Marriage is the union of two large families of different bloodlines, with parents on the top and children on the bottom. The relationship between husband and wife is the main body of the family relationship, but in reality, the acquired husband and wife relationship is often far less reliable than the natural blood relationship after encountering major events.
It's cruel, but that's the reality.
Therefore, in our marriage relationship, we should never underestimate the importance of blood. We should see, see each other's parents, see each other's children, see this blood lineage from top to bottom, play a vital role in our marriage.
Don't try to block it like Fang Yinuo, we should soberly see, accept, and tell ourselves: marriage, that is, two people live a good life, but when it comes to major events, we must stay sober, don't ignore blood, and don't underestimate human nature.
06 Sex, to a large extent, represents love in marriage.
After Fang Yinuo gave birth to a child, for a year, he and Xiao Lu were both sexless marriages.
In marriage, asexuality often means lovelessness.
In the marriage between Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo, Fang Yinuo repeatedly stressed that Xiao Lu did not love him enough, but she also ignored a very important point: she did not love Xiao Lu enough.
In the marriage between Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu, in fact, Fang Yinuo has always been a particularly strong party, when she can't get love, or when xiao Lu gives her love that does not reach her ideal state, she gives up ai Xiao Lu and begins the most substantial revenge on the body.
It can be said that if one party unilaterally blocks sex in a marriage, then she is blocking love and reconciliation. And if the other party is acquiescing to this blocking, it is acceptance, it means that the love between two people is extremely thin.
Because sex is often the "melting ice point" between husband and wife. A normal couple, mostly bedside quarrels and bedside. If there is only bedside noise, and there is no bedside sum, it means the accumulation of contradictions, the deepening of the freezing point.
Honey wrote in The Psychology of Love:
The meaning of sex is not only physical, but more psychological. Sex is a bridge between the emotional relationship between men and women.
Looking at the state of Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu after Hehe was born, in fact, they were not a normal couple for a long time. They are not even partners. Because the emotional bridge between them has long been broken when the two people don't know.
Therefore, in the marriage relationship, women must face up to the "sex" thing, because sex, to a large extent, represents the love in your heart.
07 Married life, most of the time is lonely.
Márquez wrote in One Hundred Years of Solitude:
All of them seem lonely and try to get out of it in their own way, but in reality they are still perpetuating their loneliness. Loneliness is the Creator's curse on the beasts, and loneliness is the only outlet for loneliness.
The biggest misunderstanding of a woman about marriage is that she thinks that if she is married, the reunion of two people will completely solve the problem of loneliness. Women think that marrying a man will carry your whole life.
But in fact, it can't.
A fundamental point of Fang Yinuo's two marriages is that she completely pinned the happiness and misfortune of the marriage on the man. She lacks an ability in her that I can be happy alone.
You know, in life, many roads need to be walked alone, and loneliness is a normal state of our lives. This thing will not be able to get rid of it because you are married, you want to get rid of loneliness, the best way is actually to accept loneliness.
When you are married, you also have to accept that sometimes a person's state, a person with children, a person going through some difficulties. Never be confused to think that when you are married, you should face everything together. There are some things that we can only face on our own, to release ourselves, to explain ourselves, the participation of the other party can make you happier, and if the other party does not participate, you must also have an upward force.
In the "Words of daming palace", Wu Zetian said to his daughter Taiping:
It is good to have a man like a big tree for you to shelter. If you don't have it, or if you fall, you have to learn to root on your own, to grow your own torso.
May we all grow our own torsos in marriage, and may we see through the essence of this marriage, and still be able to live a good life in this marriage with open-mindedness, so that we can live up to the years and live up to ourselves.