Text | Three threes
Source: Little Ten Dots (ID: sdikid)
I haven't seen my father for more than two years, and the last thing I can forget is his back.
。
"I was still at work the day before I had the baby."
"What woman would want to be so open-minded?"
I'm a kid, but I'm really hard...
Above, is a 42-year-old postpartum mother's collapse cry.
A few days ago, after giving birth to her baby in the hospital, she was depressed and left alone.
Seeing that she had not returned to the hospital for a long time, the doctor asked the police for help out of concern.
Eventually, the police found the mother in the rental house.
Under her narration, the heartache behind the unveiling was revealed.
She came to Hangzhou to work ten years ago, and her sick husband took care of a pair of children in his hometown.
In order to make a living, even if she is pregnant, she works until the last moment of labor.
On the day of giving birth, she ate only three slices of bread, which were given by the nurse.
Sick husband, a pair of children, elderly mothers, financial difficulties.
Every piece pressed against the body is a big mountain.
After the news was exposed, local agencies reached out to help.
This is a warm story, but many netizens do not feel any sympathy:
"It's so difficult to have three children at this age, and I'm looking for guilt."
"I can't protect myself, and the children I give birth to are also guilty, I don't understand."
"Under such conditions in the family, both children and daughters will have to be born, so what is the picture of three children?"
……
Perhaps, she was accidentally pregnant.
Maybe she just likes children.
As bystanders, we have no way of knowing the reasons behind it, nor do we have the right to be harsh.
Having children or not, having several children is a personal choice.
However, seeing what happened to this mother, I also want to say objectively:
Procreation is a serious and important matter.
It means not only becoming a parent, but also taking on the heavy responsibility of a life.
Consider your physical condition, the underlying economic conditions, and whether you can bear the pressure.
This is not only responsible for the child, but also for oneself.
Because the only one who really faces childbearing is the woman herself, including the cost behind it.
Give birth at an advanced age
The neglected physical cost
In recent years, more and more women have given birth at an advanced age.
Especially female celebrities.
Most of them are late-childbearing, which makes people mistakenly think that it is easy to have children at an advanced age.
In fact, behind the brilliance is also a lot of sadness.
Compared with women of appropriate age, the probability of developing various diseases in advanced women will increase by 2-4 times.
Not only that, but it is also easier to miscarry and obstructed labor.
The difficulty of preparing for pregnancy and the danger of childbirth are all pressed on the elderly mother.
Yi Nengjing, who gave birth to her second child at the age of 47, once lamented in the "Mother is Superman" program:
"It's not scary to have a baby, it's scary at this age."
When she was trying to conceive, she consulted authoritative doctors at home and abroad, and was told that the odds were very small.
I haven't seen my father for more than two years, and the last thing I can forget is his back.
。
She experienced multiple spontaneous ovulation inductions, all of which failed.
Later, I tried to do ivory tubes, but the egg retrieval was too small and did not go well.
Fortunately, I later found out unexpectedly during a trip that the natural conception was successful.
During her pregnancy, she was sallow and in a very poor state.
Childbirth is also not easy.
After the caesarean section, her wound became infected with suppuration and underwent two more surgeries.
In the hospital, for two or three months.
Not only Yi Nengjing, but also other female celebrities who have children at an advanced age are also at risk:
41-year-old big S, who had three children, was forced to terminate his pregnancy through an abortion;
Zhu Dan, who gave birth to a second child at the age of 39, had to get injections for 17 hours every day during pregnancy;
Mei Ting, who gave birth to her first child at the age of 38, suffered from amniotic fluid embolism and almost did not wake up;
……
Female celebrities have good enough fertility protection, and ordinary mothers are even more difficult.
In the documentary "Life Edge", it tells the sinister behind the elderly pregnant mother.
A 43-year-old woman who is more than eight months pregnant.
She was diagnosed with a dangerous placenta previa and was in a critical condition.
The only life-saving operation is to remove the uterus.
After the safe birth of the child, she underwent 5 hours of emergency rescue.
The amount of bleeding reaches 11,000 ml.
Equivalent to changing the blood of the whole body more than twice.
There is also an elderly mother, 28 weeks pregnant, who has been hospitalized for 32 days.
She had up to 8 complications during pregnancy.
These include chronic renal failure, hypertension, hypoproteinemia, cervical insufficiency, etc.
Coupled with the slow reduction of amniotic fluid, the child must be born early.
The 31-week premature child, the mother who delivered the caesarean section, both were critically ill and sent to the emergency room.
Fortunately, his life was saved, but the physical damage was also permanent.
If we say, every mother and son are friends of life and death.
Then, the elderly mother is really closing the ghost door.
The happiness of having children is real, but the hardships behind it are also real.
Therefore, be sure to consider your own situation.
If the physical condition does not allow it, if it is not necessary to give birth, it is best not to force it.
Procreation is the continuation of life, the mutual fulfillment of mother and son.
It should not be a big adventure where mom and child exchange lives.
Behind fertility
Unseen parenting pressure
What is it like to be a mother?
One writer described it this way:
"I no longer live comfortably, but in some kind of strange devotion."
With children, we all unconsciously cut ourselves or even throw themselves away.
In the TV series "Dear Child", Yinuo is like this.
Since giving birth to her daughter Hehe, the focus of her life has basically been on the child.
Whether the child eats well, sleeps well, is he sick...
There will always be a heart.
After Hehe fell ill, her life was left with only one goal: to cure her children.
In order to save her daughter, she even decided to have a second child with her ex-husband Xiao Lu.
Even if the other party has cheated and betrayed, she is willing.
The scene that touched me the most was that Yinuo's father found Yinuo's husband Xie Tianhua.
He pleaded with Tianhua not to divorce:
"Just watching her go black for the sake of Hehe, I really can't do it."
It's a father's heartache for his daughter.
As everyone knows, Yinuo's heart as a mother is the same, giving everything for her children.
This is probably the fate of the mother.
All my life, I was involved in another life, and I willingly rarely regretted it.
With children, the focus of consideration has become how to take good care of the children.
It is the support of the economy and the daily companionship.
As a result, women bear most of the parenting pressure.
While men can also do what they can, it's just the tip of the iceberg.
In particular, younger children tend to be more dependent on their mothers.
I have a girlfriend whose husband is very responsible for the family and is actively involved in parenting.
Changing diapers, making milk powder, doing housework, and putting people to sleep.
However, children should be fed by their mothers when they eat, accompanied by their mothers when they sleep, and find their mothers when they play.
Even if you go to the toilet, you can't clean it.
Everything is trivial, but everything needs to give up time and freedom.
Children need you, and you always think of them.
From the moment of pregnancy, women have tied themselves up in this love and bondage.
Some are forced to be helpless, and most of them are also active choices.
There is sacrifice and there is joy.
procreate
It's a serious thing
Pang Ying, the debater of "Strange Story", once said a sentence:
"With the development of material and civilization, procreation will increasingly be a lifestyle choice, not a default 'life is going to be this way' option."
Born or not, born one or several, just a multiple choice question.
The other day, we posted an article about "Dink".
In the message area at the bottom, everyone's opinion is not the same.
Some people feel that having children anyway, having children is not the same experience.
Some people say that when the baby is young, there is no concern, but when she is old, no one cares.
But there are also people who think that having a child does not necessarily mean that someone will retire, and Dink is also a good choice.
The truth is likely to be that no matter how you choose, you will regret it.
Therefore, whether you are born or not, you must think clearly before making a decision.
If you don't have children, can you bear the loneliness of being alone in your later years?
Can you bear the physical harm and nurturing pressure caused by childbirth?
Women, in particular, should choose more carefully.
Because the womb is in us, we bear the higher costs and costs of procreation.
Understand the risks of childbirth, understand the life pressures caused by childbirth, and be prepared to decide.
In this way, fertility will be the consummation of the ripening of melons, and only then will there be full joy.
Click "watching", may every woman on the road to becoming a mother, not alone to carry the weight forward.
Author: Three-three. Source Profile: The source of this article is Small Ten Points (ID: sdikid), professional and practical parenting dry goods, bedtime stories, parent-child reading, beautiful mother promotion, and selected good things. Little ten o'clock, care about the child, more concerned about the mother.