Fang Yinuo, both marriages are unhappy.
The first marriage, with Xiao Lu, she and her mother did not look down on the Xiao family. The second marriage, with Xie Tianhua, Xie Tianhua's sister did not look up to her. The two marriages were both lifelessly depressed, and the chickens flew and the dogs jumped like noisy.
I once read a book about luck, and there is a theory that there is actually an invisible energy around everyone, and you and the energy around you will interact. When you have more positive energy around you, or happy energy, you are easily lucky. And when you are unhappy around you or yourself, then misfortune will accompany you.
After reading this book, out of the desire for luck, I rarely immersed myself in unhappy emotions for a long time. I believe in the family and everything, and I also believe in making myself happy, which is an ability.
Obviously, Fang Yinuo did not have this ability in these two marriages.
There was not a little heat on his body.
Who would have thought?
This drama, my most surging tears, contributed to the Xiao family. First xiao Xu, Hehe's uncle, when Hehe called out to his uncle, when he hugged Hehe, the outpouring of affection was completely incomparable to Xie Dan, an aunt who had no blood relationship.
When Xie Dan was full of disgust for Hehe and made her brother Xie Tianhua even more indebted, Xiao Xu, the uncle of his own, thought that their family Hehe was the cutest little girl in the world, as long as he could save his niece, Xiao Xu' uncle was willing to do anything.
Then there was Xiao Mu, when Xiao Mu learned that the granddaughter she had been worried about had leukemia, Xiao Mu did not feel more sorry for her son Xie Tianhua than He he did, just like Xie Tianhua's mother, but suddenly became stupid and overwhelmed. Then, she immediately went to the hospital, hugged Hehe and cried, she said Hehe, it was her Hehe, she hadn't seen her Hehe for four years. Then she, anxious to do the matching immediately, no one can stop it, she feels that the early matching results come out early, so that she can save her Hehe as soon as possible.
Finally, Xiao Lu, when Xiao Lu learned of Hehe's illness, he went crazy, he held Hehe in tears, that kind of blood kinship between father and daughter, it was not at all what Fang Yinuo wanted to stop.
When Hehe saw Xiao Lu, she asked, Uncle Xiao, how did you come here? She always thought about Xiao Lu in her heart, even if she didn't know that it was her biological father, but she had a natural sense of intimacy with Xiao Lu, she didn't want Xie Tianhua and Fang Yinuo to hug, she wanted Xiao Lu to hug.
You see this is blood, we just burst out of deep feelings because of a blood relationship. Like Xu Min in "28 Years of Wrong Change", she has never raised Guo Wei, but when she knows that Guo Wei is her blood parent, she will burst out of strong feelings.
Like Qiao Zuwang in "Children of the Qiao Family", he has been selfish all his life, but at a critical juncture, when it comes to dying, he will consciously plan for his children.
Whether we want to admit it or not, sometimes family affection is not at all through the feelings that are cultivated later. It is a simple bloodline, no matter how scummy, how bad, how far away that person is, but because it is a father, because it is a daughter, it will burst out of the bones with an inexplicable emotion.
Fang Yinuo, from beginning to end, was confused, and she tried to block this link of affection in both marriages. She married Xiao Lu, but she could not accept the Xiao family, she felt that the Xiao family was unreliable, from the beginning to the end, she did not see the mother-in-law's efforts, nor did she really regard the little uncle as a family.
For Fang Yinuo, except for Xiao Lu, Xiao's family are unreliable outsiders, and she has a contemptuous attitude towards them. And this was vividly expressed through Fang Yinuo's mother, whose grandmother did not even allow her grandmother to touch the child's face.
In marriage, this is simply a taboo of deep discord between husband and wife: because you can't give his family respect and enthusiasm, then it is more difficult for him to accept than if you don't give him respect and enthusiasm.
This is true for both men and women. Once a woman behaves like this in her marriage, it is tantamount to taking a shot at your own marriage. No matter what you think in your heart, meeting each other's relatives, kissing and warm, talking and laughing, is a woman's minimum wisdom and wrist.
In Fang Yinuo's second marriage, Fang Yinuo only thought about Xie Tianhua, but did not think about what Xie Tianhua's relatives really thought. Therefore, this marriage is lifeless, chickens flying and dogs jumping, and Hehe has a birthday, all of which end in crying.
Watching this whole drama, you will find that Fang Yinuo has hardly smiled brightly, two marriages, she only waited for others to be good to her, and did not take the initiative to improve the environment around her. On the contrary, she cried and cried, wronged and wronged, always immersed in her own small world, never jumped out, and open-mindedly and smiling in the face of her marriage.
Women should always remember that they have been wronged, they are uncomfortable, do not wait for others to save themselves, let alone dull themselves, want to cry and cry, want to make a fuss, cry, make trouble, and then continue to live happily, is your real ability.
I know that sometimes when we have been hurt, our bodies will be in a state of coldness, causing us to lose the enthusiasm around us. But remember, the more you do, the more you should warm yourself up.
Adler has this sentence in "The Courage to Be Happy":
We can love anyone, and loving someone is not just out of intense emotion. It is a determination, a decision, an agreement.
The same is true of loving oneself, warming oneself up, being happy, it is a kind of determination, determination, agreement. Only when you establish this kind of agreement, with this determination and determination, can you really change your situation, break through the shackles of pain, and bring yourself closer to happiness and luck.
Kill them all with one stick.
Extreme, will be a woman's very fatal weakness.
Because if you don't leave room for others, it means that you don't leave room for yourself.
This is also a very significant point that I found in Fang Yinuo's body, especially during her confinement period, you will find that she really suffered a lot, suffered a lot of sins, and was physically and mentally exhausted, but when you think about it, these sufferings and tiredness, and even these injuries are allowed by herself, accumulated by herself.
When she gave birth, Xiao Lu was originally guarding her, and as a result, she let Xiao Lu go home to work. And when she was confinement, the nanny was there, Xiao Lu was there, and then the mother-in-law was also there, but she was stunned to a certain extent that she was tired. The babysitter is asleep, can't she wake up? Xiao Lu was asleep, couldn't he wake up fiercely? When the mother-in-law is asleep, will the mother-in-law leave her alone when she goes to see the grass?
However, she did not take the initiative to create a better living environment for herself, but made herself physically and mentally exhausted, and in turn hated all people. Except for her mother.
And is there any essential difference between her mother and these people?
Yes, her mother's love and concern for her was proactive. And the love and concern of others for her, there is no such initiative.
And this is also the key to many women's losses in marriage: she waits for others to love her and help her, others can't do it, or does not do well, she is immersed in pain and fatigue, and then in turn hate these people who do not take the initiative to give her love and help.
And Fang Yinuo is a typical example of this kind of woman who suffers losses, she tires herself to the extreme, and also hates others to the extreme.
However, in this process of physical and mental exhaustion and hatred to the extreme, Fang Yinuo forgot an iron-blooded reality: in this world, not everyone is her mother, and in this world, there are almost no unjust heads like Xie Tianhua who do not seek to get and only pay.
In married life, if you want to get help and love from people other than your parents, you have to understand the importance of "exchange" and the importance of "accommodating". Especially in the period when you are most vulnerable and the most painful, if you just passively wait for love and help, then you will probably accumulate countless monthly hatreds and cannot be solved for a lifetime. But the same man, the same mother-in-law, for another woman, may not exist at all this kind of "moon feud".
Don't feel that only you love your children, that's a pro-dad, a pro-grandma, if you don't trust others all the time, then they will never grow up, never become partners and helpers in your marriage.
And, in your marriage, you must know how to accommodate, do not feel that accommodating is a kind of pain, remember, accommodating is a kind of wisdom. Especially for your mother-in-law, you have to get her help to accommodate some of her bad problems. Remember, as long as she is well-meaning and cares about you and your children, then the bowl of pig's foot soup and the sound of baby grass are the possibilities that you should tolerate her. Instead, because of some of her bad problems, he completely beat her to death with a stick.
Fang Yinuo, more seriously, she beat the entire Xiao family to death with a stick. The entire Xiao family had no place in front of her.
After the divorce, Fang Yinuo even took the hate to the extreme. She did not allow any of the Xiao family to see Hehe. And after Hehe fell ill, she knew the conditions of the Xie family, but she resolutely refused to accept Xiao Lu's help.
Before the divorce, death to "virtuous" live to suffer, with their own tired to the extreme "no mistake" in exchange for physical and mental exhaustion, after divorce, death to "hate" to live to suffer, do not accept Xiao Lu's help, Hehe is not Xiao Lu's biological daughter.
And what is the reason why Fang Yinuo is so resolute and so extreme?
It was for the ridiculous herself.
A very cruel marriage truth.
In "The Courage to Be Hated", there is such a sentence:
The reason why you are unfortunate now is precisely because you have chosen "unhappiness" with your own hands, and you think that "unhappiness" is a kind of "goodness" for yourself, rather than being born unhappy.
I especially want to write this article, because Fang Yinuo is the history of blood and tears of many women in reality. They are obviously the best wives in the eyes of others, for the sake of the family, for the sake of the children, they have paid so much, but why, they can not get happiness?
Because, that scumbag is not worthy, and because a woman like Fang Yinuo advertises herself as "too good" in marriage. They don't coddle, don't ask, or even take the initiative to take on almost all the burdens of family life, and then they set their sights on men, and then use a "I've done so well, why don't you take the initiative to be good to me" to constantly tire themselves and pile up their misfortunes.
They forget that misfortune is for interruption, not for accumulation.
When you are wronged and very tired in your married life, especially in those trivial things, you should stop yourself, you should ask for help yourself, don't you tire yourself, but hurt the man, you never think that the world can't do without you, the child can't live without you.
Be a woman, be bad, don't be bound by the "good", the responsibility must be borne, and when it is time to let the man shoot, you have to let him shoot.
Xiao Lu can also kneel for Hehe, Xiao Lu is Hehe's biological father, the child is sick, Xiao Lu pays for it, that is his due share. How stupid a woman is to exhaust herself and work hard to block this kind of dueness of her father.
And in the marriage between her and Xie Tianhua, why should the eldest sister's yin and yang strange qi be tolerated, and should she go back, twice or three times at a time, is it deliberately to help the arrogance of the eldest sister, and then pile up her own misfortune?
Finally, I especially want to write about a woman's happy life in marriage:
Don't suppress yourself too much, you should cry, you should make trouble, when you are tired, you will be lazy, others will bully you, you will resist back. Remember, marriage is not your top heaven, you do not flaunt yourself how virtuous, how strong, how not easy. When others don't take the initiative to hurt you, you feel sorry for yourself.
In this way, you can stay away from misfortune and become more and more lucky.