Wen | Zhang Ping
The illustrations | from the web
In the TV series "Thirty Only", Mao Xiaotong said a very profound sentence: Everyone wants to avoid the wind, who will be in Hong Kong?
When many people get married, especially girls with poor self-reliance, they hope to find a man who can be relied on when difficult and can be shared when happy.
But the reality is often that when you are happy, you can laugh together, but when you encounter difficulties, the person you expect to rely on is not reliable at all.
And at this time, for women, are they particularly disappointed in the person around them?
When we are just with a person, the expectation value will be particularly high, and you will hope that he can do many things well.
But in the end, it is often that the further you go, the lower your expectations will be, because when you experience disappointment after disappointment, you will find that having expectations of men is simply a joke, in a popular saying: men can be relied on, and sows can also go up trees.
This also indirectly shows that relying on others requires a huge cost.
01。
Our company has a female colleague Chunya, this year has been 34 years old, this age in the small city parents are estimated to be in a hurry, but I see that her state is not bad, fitness, dancing, baking, life is prosperous.
There are also good colleagues who have asked her about her marriage, including introducing her to many people, but she can't look at any of them. At first, she would go to see it when facing a blind date, but then she simply stopped going.
A while ago, I heard that she bought a small house with her own mortgage, and for women who have a house and a car, it really doesn't matter if they get married or not.
Haruka also fell in love several times when she was young, but each time it fell apart. She had always wanted to get married, but for various reasons she had never been married.
She broke up with her first boyfriend because the other family did not agree, and the man himself also had some mother's treasure, and finally listened to the opinions of the family and married a girl with similar conditions.
Because of the lessons of the past, before the second relationship began, she explained to her boyfriend that she wanted to meet his parents first. The other party did not think too much and immediately arranged a time to meet.
The old man is also kind, they still like the spring bud, but after 2 years of love, the boyfriend was pursued by a primary school girl, and finally because of drinking too much wine, something that should not have happened happened, and finally the relationship ended without a problem.
02。
After the failure of the two relationships, she actually did not have much confidence in the marriage, and at that time she thought very simply, and if she could meet the right one, she would talk about it, and if she didn't, she would forget it.
In addition, in the past few years, her mind has been on work, but she has made a lot of money and saved enough for the down payment of the house. When a woman can afford to buy a house on her own, their need for marriage is greatly reduced.
To put it bluntly, many women marry in order not to continue to rent a house. But most of this kind of marriage because of the house is not good.
Because the most important thing in marriage is still feelings, not material things.
Only when the feelings are in place, the other party can understand you more and tolerate you, otherwise even if you have money, the other party does not know how to understand you, you will still feel wronged.
In the final analysis, whether we are married or not, our ultimate goal is to eliminate loneliness, hope that someone will accompany us when we are sad, hope that someone will hold an umbrella when it rains, and someone will hand over water if it is cold.
At the beginning, we may have this expectation to meet the people we want to meet, but when you are disappointed again and again, you will also begin to explain yourself, such as forget it, just like this, a person is also very good.
When you hypnotize yourself over and over again, you will find that you really don't need a second person, and your expectations of others will be greatly reduced, because when you can block the wind yourself, you really don't need to find a so-called safe haven.
Everything is relative, and a haven may be able to give you a safe haven, but it may also create a bigger storm for you.
Whether a person has a good life or not mainly depends on the mentality. If the mentality is good, one person can live well, but the mentality is not good, even if two people are not good.
Why do so many people want to be with open-minded people?
Probably also because with such people, we will be happier and more relaxed.
Marriage is long for decades, if the person around you can't let you relax, always make you tense, it is difficult to think long.
It is said that the most important thing in a relationship is trust, but before trust, in fact, we need to do these two steps first, that is, to learn to talk and listen.
To talk is to tell the other person what you want to say, to listen, is to listen carefully to the needs of the other party. Only when you learn to speak and learn to listen can you truly open yourself, and only when you learn to open can you fall in love with others.
Otherwise, your world is that others can't enter, and you can't enter the other person's world, and your feelings are confused in the end.
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About author:Zhang Ping, psychological counselor, marriage and family counselor, well-known emotional self-media. I have wine, do you have a story?