Marrying the highest match does not include the one you are looking forward to.

*Title Source: Question 4 of this issue

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Question 1

Keywords: whether to break up

Dear doll Hello, pay attention to the doll for four years, now I have encountered emotional problems and need help, trouble dolls make suggestions, very grateful!

I am 93 years old, 160 years old, weigh 45, alone, working in the government department of a third-tier small city (non-editor), with a monthly salary of three thousand.

Boyfriend 92 years, high 180, weight 68, non-alone, has a brother, boyfriend with his parents to do business, income is unstable.

Parents do not agree with our feelings, I am a native of Shandong, boyfriend hometown Liaoning (now with me in the same city and settled), we have regional qi, parents hate him is northeast, in addition to feeling that we are together in the later stage of pressure, the current boyfriend family conditions are general, there is a mortgage of 60W (promised to pay off within three years), and the younger brother is in high school, and the father has not retired.

I have two houses and a shop in my name, and none of them have any loans. My parents always wanted me to find a job in the system or a boyfriend with a stable income with a skill.

We have been together for more than a year, the age is not small, recently the boyfriend also proposed to meet both parents, but my parents have always been opposed, think that his income is unstable, but the boyfriend knows to work hard, before the interior design skills are also trying to learn to find a job, my parents think it is too late to start working hard at the age of thirty.

Now that it's time for an emotional juncture, should I listen to my parents break up immediately, or try to convince my parents?

Photo attached

answer

Your parents' analysis of the relationship between the two of you is very correct, of course, except for the part of regional discrimination, there are good people in every place, and there are bad people in every place, and it is not possible to simply generalize by geography.

Your parents think that your boyfriend is average, has an unstable income, and that there will be a lot of pressure later in the process, and it is true. Your boyfriend is 30 years old, and now he has begun to study hard to find a job, why did he go earlier, not to mention that he and his family are still carrying a 60W mortgage. In order to be with you, he promised to pay off the loan within three years, that is, the average annual income should reach at least 20W, is this realistic for him? A boy who "has the skills of interior design and is also trying to learn to find a job" can easily earn 20w per year. I have a hard time believing him, it's just a pie he painted you to keep.

The problem is, you believed.

You believe that there will be a happy and beautiful future with him.

You believe he can earn 60w in three years.

You believe he is a person who can be entrusted for life, and the work income and family income are not so important.

And a boy with a mediocre job income, what does it mean to get your heart?

It's his shearing.

Judging from the photo, his choice is much higher than yours, and he looks young and resistant to aging, and his face is also an expression that eats you.

This is a relationship of female wealth and male appearance, and like all the female wealth and male appearance relationships on our platform in the past, if you are willing to admit the account and are willing to pay money, then this relationship can also be achieved. Unfortunately, as far as the current situation is concerned, you don't have much money, your parents have money but are not willing to pay, and the future of the relationship is uncertain.

You believe in him now, stay with him, and what are you going to do if this loan doesn't end after three years?

Wait for him to continue to pay back, or pay back with him after marriage, or change again after three years?

Neither one is a good choice for you.

The problem you encounter is not unique on our platform, we have also given advice, but unfortunately not many listen to us. Girls like you, who are greedy for emotional values, are not so easy to give up scissor men.

Listening to your parents, you will meet your parents' ideal "working within the system, or having a boyfriend with a stable income with a skill", the choice is not high, getting along is not interesting, but they will pay specialization, and they will give you and your future children enough parenting investment, which is precious for a long-term relationship. But emotional value and face certainly don't.

Listen to your own, then your parents will have to give you financial support all their lives, and whether his competition takes off or not, you will not have a good life. But you have a chance to get his good genes and the kneeling praise that you will never get in your life in a flat match.

You're 29 years old and living in a third-tier city, leaving you little time to think about and wait.

Question 2

Keywords: Fancy independent girls

#Boys' special #Doll is good, male fans have been concerned for many years, I am very impressed with your attitude of speaking in a female position but not being biased, and recently encountered a problem in love, which made me hesitate to enter marriage.

Me: 47, first-tier cities, indigenous, owned enterprises, annual income 30-40W, multiple properties.

Girlfriend: 38, 10 years of north drift, income 15w, hometown northeast third-tier cities.

After more than 1 year of acquaintance on the dating website, my girlfriend moved into my personal house, rearranged the furniture and appliances (my girlfriend selected online, I was responsible for purchasing and installing), I needed to take care of the elderly, so I initially let her live alone and provide a vehicle for commuting.

Due to their old age, most of the time the two will not have contradictions, recently after I moved in, I can do housework as much as possible for the two people to be responsible, usually I am all responsible for the expenses, holidays are gifts.

But recently there have been two consecutive incidents:

Once, I was 5 minutes late when I picked her up on the subway and came back from a business trip, and then she broke out that she didn't care enough about her and so on, and the two reconciled after communicating

Second, this time, I sold a property and answered the phone without avoiding her, she first questioned the reason for the sale, and then I was extremely dissatisfied with going out to meet the agent, and lost her temper and said that I would not tell her anything in the future.

Now the two are in the Middle East.

Dolls have always believed that the woman should get the financial power, but I think that when the two parties are not married, the other party is really anxious to prove their position in the control of the property.

I am now a little hesitant to get a license, one of the reasons for choosing the other party was to see her independence, but this time the performance is no different from the girl who is eager to add her name to the property deed

You feel that the other party's performance this time is no different from the girl who is eager to add her name to the property deed", which shows that the only person who is suitable for you is the tea seller.

What is a tea seller, that is, the other party's avatar looks like a girl with no desire and no desire, but every word you ask for warmth, the real purpose is to sell tea. Women like you who don't think they're going to do anything from you will think of them as good women who are pure-hearted and pitiful, and slowly enter their client list. After all, some men buy tea, but also think that they just really helped her through the difficulties, do not know that behind the mobile phone is likely to be a big brother, earning more than you.

Your fiancée doesn't want to scrape some oil off you and leave, but wants to live with you. Once a girl intends to enter into marriage with a boy, she will have expectations for the investment in the boy's time and material investment, without exception. So her two angers, mind is also reasonable, she just wants you to care more about her, you are all people who are about to get married, you can also share your life with her a little more, what can't you tell her about the sale of the house, if you want to be so defensive of her, why do you have to marry her?

Moreover, you are already 47 years old, not a young man in your early 20s, there are elderly people in the family who need to be taken care of, and there are children, you are capable, and there is also a person in the family to share your life. You really need to find a suitable other half, treat her as your own person in your heart, in case you walk in front one day (Yuck), the kind of person that the child can entrust to her, you are kind to her now, and you will leave a way back for yourself in the future.

From a female standpoint, we also understand this girl quite well. She is not at the end of the mate selection period now, but the end of the fertility period, found a boyfriend, contacted for a year of procrastination and not marriage, economic conditions are still hidden from her, she may not know how to manage feelings, but it is also uncomfortable to pay for your little family to get such treatment after busy, holding your own life and may not be able to have children here and here blindly tossing. Her insecurity is instinctively protecting her, and if you continue to hurt her heart like this, she may find someone else.

After all, she is now changing people, and she can still have a child of her own with others, but you are so insincere and still buckle search, it may not be.

Speaking of which, it still depends on what you think in your heart. If you want to settle down, marry a woman and have children, have a family, and take on a lot of responsibilities together, then don't be too critical of each other, time and investment. Just because you say you appreciate her independence doesn't mean that people don't want anything from you. As you were told at the beginning, girls who seem to have no desires and no needs want more, and are most likely liars. Normal girls, will want.

When it's time to pay, don't always take independence to ask for people, you are now looking for a 38-year-old, the other party did not quarrel with you in the early stage, not a lot, you can also have children with you to take care of the elderly, really want to live with you. If you find a 28, you will definitely have to get more, argue more, and finally estimate that the money is smashed down, people are not willing to pass with you, run, you lose more.

It's not a rough thing to say, it's all a very real problem. For this girl now, as long as you pay a little more sincerity, appease and appease her, invest a little more, be sincere, she will stop making trouble.

Don't see the outbreak after a long period of silence as an inexplicable small problem. When you find a cockroach, the house must be full of cockroaches. I hope you will settle your long-term debt to the other party.

Old powder advanced

Question 3

Keywords: sticky stone

Dear doll sister and little assistants good (≧ ≦) before I was fortunate to be drawn once, the doll sister pointed out our problems in time, and now my relationship with my husband is getting better and better, than the heart!

Recently, when looking at the planet, I thought of a question, the doll sister said, the stones are particularly sticky, what is the specific degree of this special stickiness?

Husband planet test 10a25b4c, there was a chat after marriage, the baby sister said that the MV is no problem is that the pu is too high, and now has been trying to reduce the PU. Financial power to turn in, housework he 6 I 4, usually a lot of topics, I also especially like to listen to him talk about history, cars, basketball shoes and so on.

On the weekends, we both arranged a day, I went on a beauty date with my sister, he climbed the mountain to play basketball or play cards with friends, and stayed together for the rest of the day. Rarely quarrels.

Even before a business trip, I will stew a pot of meat, and I feel that the concentration of feelings is very high. I feel that I am more clingy to him, like to kiss and hug and hold high, he is also very loving and protective of me, tired of him to do, going out to party together will also take good care of me.

But I don't know how sticky the stone is, because we also have our own activities on the weekend. Next year, when I was pregnant, my husband said that both of them should seize the time to do what they like to do or make friends, and they will not be free for a long time after having children.

May I ask sister this is a stone sticky person?

Say more, thank you baby sister little assistant patience to read, may also be because of the previous things and husband Xiongjing in the rising period I will be more worried about where to do not do well, I hope to maintain the current happiness ~

I understand, what you want to ask is not "Is this a stone sticky person", but "Is my husband a stone man?" ”

Sticky or not sticky is a very intuitive feeling, just like sour, sweet and bitter, the first moment you eat it, you will have the answer. I guess the reason why you are entangled is because you want him to be a stone man, so you want to rely on a certain feature to push back the attribute, which is a very common misunderstanding.

For example, most of the scissor men have no wealth accumulation, but it cannot be inferred that it is the scissors men who have no money;

For example, cloth men are easy to not be single-minded in marriage and have two rooms, but you can't infer that the people who cheat in marriage are all cloth men;

For example, the self-motivated stone man is not very strong, and he is still very sticky, but you can't push backwards that it is the stone man who is sticky and unmotivated.

And so on, it's like I said that rabbit ears are pink, but you can't push backwards that animals whose ears are pink are rabbits. So even if your husband is really clingy, you can't push back that he is a stone man.

The clinginess of the real stone man will not last for a period of time, but will be clingy for many years and months. This kind of clinging is that as long as he is around you, you can't do anything about your own business, and you will delay things. If you have a stone male husband, your feelings will be very intuitive, and you don't need to be told to what extent. But like your husband, ask two people to hurry up and do what they like to do, ask friends to play, and then have children for a long time will not be free, stone men rarely have such thoughts.

For stone men, the warmest place is home, the favorite is to play with their wives, they do not have the concept of freedom and not freedom, in a sense, they want to draw a circle for themselves, just in the comfort zone to live a stable and enjoyable life, freedom is not what they want.

Including sticky people, stones do not have this concept, because the stones do not feel that they are sticking to each other, they will feel that marriage should not be such two people together every day? Mainly because he had nothing else to do. But seeing that your husband's life is so colorful, he wants to be separated from you for a day every week, and you don't want to be separated from him, obviously he cuts and cloth, and you are more stone. Coupled with your perception is not too strong, your husband is on the rise, according to the development of this trend, he chats, the possibility of cheating is very large.

Judging from the photos, your husband's appearance is very similar to the famous handsome male star of the NBA, the choice is really not low, even if you go to mention the MV, it is difficult to catch up, and you are trying to get pregnant, not suitable for doing any big moves. Or mention the perception, raise the vigilance, since the external promotion does not work, try to practice inward, put the PU down, learn to provide emotional value, and vigorously improve your shear. At least don't be like this, holding on to the luck of the situation.

Question 4

(Source of the title of this issue)

Keywords: highest matching partner

Hello dolls, very lucky to be your fans. At present, the marriage is in a huge crisis, and I sincerely and desperately hope to get your guidance!

I was divorced in 168cm56kg in 80 years, and now I have remarried in Eastern Europe for 7 years and another 2 and a half years and a second child.

Husband cut cloth Eastern European 71 years 175cm 100kg once divorced with adult children. Xiongjingqiang's annual income is unknown (monthly salary of 35,000 yuan), and there are many properties and cars.

We met 7 years ago, he often had trade in the mainland, acquaintance quickly established a relationship, a year later I signed a prenuptial agreement to get married. Before giving birth to a child, he had a strong desire for protection and a high emotional concentration, and was responsible for almost all family expenses, but he did not like the low emotional demand for housework. I know that he is my highest match, and I am grateful for his efforts.

After giving birth, I mainly take care of the children and the family, he competes to strengthen the work more, because of the chores of the emotional concentration of protection decreased. I was very saddened to find out this summer that he had cheated on a business trip home a few years ago.

But knowing that his choice is greater than mine, he prompted him to be loyal to his marriage with a problem in his friend's marriage, and asked him to send out family photos in the WeChat circle, which he was extremely reluctant to do.

Later, his mother came to live with us because of her poor health, and because he often said loudly about me, I did not hold back the explosion. Later, because he helped a Chinese friend publish rental information, he thought I was going to rent a house and explained it several times and did not believe it. Caught in the Cold War to this day. He took his mother-in-law to live in a new home, and I couldn't go to my new home every day because my children had evening classes.

Husband's right to choose is higher than mine, I have no advantage in financial resources are not enough to be independent and do not want to divorce, now confused and uneasy, how should I save the marriage? How do I get a divorce, and how do I fight for the most?

Hope you win! Photo collection

The difference in your choice is so large that it is useless to remind him to be faithful in marriage. Loyalty does not fall from nature, just as peace does not fall from heaven. You have to have a choice to have deterrence, just as countries need nuclear weapons to be peaceful.

"Ask him to send out a family photo in the WeChat circle" does not make any sense, the person who should cheat will still cheat, the key is that the opponent can get this man if he looks like this, maybe more confident and more energetic. The only thing you reluctantly ask for is the emotional value that he is extremely reluctant to give. However, since he is willing to do so, it means that he still wants to barely maintain this marriage, and you say that you do not want to divorce, then there is still a possibility of redemption.

The most important thing is to redeem the account. You must understand that through migration, you have a husband who does not belong to you, who is very competitive, and a child, which has been much more than other female Shibu. It's like if you take the other person's worth 100 yuan, but you only have the ability to pay 10 yuan, then you should be grateful for the other party's willingness to give you so much credit every day in the next few days (instead of saying gratitude, both in behavior and want to),

Then put all your effort into paying back the next part instead of continuing to ask him for it. Even if your ability is not finished, try your best to let the other party see your sincerity. If you continue to ask for it, the other party is likely to resolutely divorce you because it can't bear your emotional needs, on our platform. Such an ending is often seen.

Second, you have to understand that your purpose is to keep the marriage, not to be exclusive and emotionally concentrated in addition to the marriage. In a flat relationship, the boy cheating is of course wrong, and he can directly let him go. But now that this man is your highest match, you can't expect to marry the highest match in a marriage that still contains singleness. From the moment you reached this relationship, it decided the current situation. The relationship between the two of you is inherently unequal, the two of you are not a match, and it is not right for him to cheat, but within the foreseeable range.

You are a foreign marriage, relative to him you are from a low-PU country, there are also low-PU comes with a low MV, he looks at this and you reached this relationship. A low PU is the capital of your body, and if you have been disrespecting his mother and asking for emotional value, then the root cause of his choice of you does not exist. Since your appeal also includes "how do I fight for the greatest rights and interests if I get a divorce", it is even more important to keep the PU low, because every emotional value you ask for is exchanged for the child's parenting investment.

Fortunately, there are offspring between the two of you, the stability of your relationship is better, if you are willing to be soft, learn to provide him with emotional value, be good to him and his mother, keep to yourself in peace on weekdays, do not ask for emotional value, and bow your head when things are encountered, then there is still a chance to stay in this marriage.

Or ask: Why do women have to be so low?

Answer: This is not called three or four, this is called the current affairs person is Junjie. If she has money, she can also get such a partner who is "three or four times lower" to her. If she has a face and will come to do things, she can also get a partner who is loyal to her. We are now a smart woman is difficult to cook without rice, let's not eat meat paste, a little potato radish to eat is better than hungry ah.

Knowledge Planet Quiz

Keywords: stone mentality

#来源于2022年3月5日在知识星球的问答 #

Sister, I would like to ask how to cultivate the stone mentality (core)? I am Shibu, listening to sister Wa's words and trying to cultivate into stone ing. Now I can indeed rely on the obvious stone nature (gentle and easy-going, can cook, etc.) to attract some shearing men, but in the process of getting along, I still have more cloth, and I can only get each other's scissors. Want to know what the state of mind and behavior characteristics of the stone woman are?

Ask Sister Baby to guide a direction, and thank Sister Baby. Happy Day to the Goddess in advance, thank you for your guidance along the way

The stone woman is hard-working, very patient, has no negative energy, does not invisibly attack others, is grateful for life, and does not seek recognition and praise.

High Praise Popular Comments:

Little Fairy: It's too important not to seek recognition and praise, and the idea of "I have to do everything" is not good, she is going to do it.

Little Fairy: Hard work: For example, the whole family is shaking legs, I am alone in the kitchen or doing housework, I don't feel at all, I don't feel why you are all idle and only I am working hard and so on. Or maybe I want to make a small cake for the children, I don't have time to work during the day, and I go back at night to do 12 o'clock in the middle of the night, and I won't have a sense of giving, so I am very happy and happy. Or maybe I made something that my family said was not delicious or did not want to eat, and would not be angry, do not eat it, I will try to improve it next time. Be patient: For example, call your husband and children, they ignore you, it doesn't matter, they will continue to talk to them or turn around and do their own thing later. There is no negative energy: it doesn't matter to most people and things, it's fine, it's not too calculating.

Little Fairy: Not seeking praise, and recognition is very important, often seen: if he can say a few nice words, I think everything I do is worth it... The translation is that as long as he provides me with emotional value, I am willing to give out the stone, and if he does not provide it, he will make the cloth

Little Fairy Herself: Thank you sister for your reply, so lucky to read your reply and find that I still have a long way to go