There's a saying that I used to think was pretty true.
The gist of it is: time is fair to everyone, because everyone is 24 hours a day, and it does not make someone more or less than a second in a day because of differences in gender, status, wealth, and education.
Indeed, anyone's day is only 24 hours.
But in reality, time is not fair to people.
How can a person who has lived to be eighteen years old get the same amount of time as a person who has lived for eighty years?
Entering the third year of the epidemic, everyone has either experienced it personally, or heard and witnessed many lives and deaths, sorrows and joys, and has a deeper feeling about what is the impermanence of life.
However, God may not think it is enough, but also add wars, earthquakes, air disasters...
Let us understand that the fairest thing between people is not time, but death.
All people, whether good or bad, rich or poor, healthy or sick, happy or sad, are... Inherently dead.
Except for successful suicides, almost no one knows when, where, and how their lives will end.
As on that day, 123 passengers and 9 crew members boarded the China Eastern AIRLINES MU5735 passenger plane.
Among them, there are 16-year-old girls, there are young and powerful captains, there are deputy captains who are about to retire, there are newlywed Yan'er's husbands, there are fiancées who have been in love for five years, and there are mothers whose daughters are looking forward to meeting...
But all in the same way, at the same time, disappeared from the world.
We cannot know the true condition of each of the victims.
Out of deploration for the dead, we would rather imagine their pre-death life as warm and sunny.
Until a few days ago, I saw an article entitled: "Chaoshan Woman Who Wants to Live For Herself Once, Disappears on MU5735".
The protagonist in the article is a Chaoshan woman.
She was first tricked into conceiving, and then she was tricked into marriage, and her husband ignored his wife and children, disregarded his family, was lazy and vain, and was heavily in debt.
She endured this life for 17 years.
Her sister described her this way: "My sister is very kind, she has always lived for others, she has suffered a lot in her hometown since she was a child, married to Yunnan, and suffered for 17 years." ”
Later, she decided to divorce.
As a result, she was threatened, stalked, betrayed by her ex-husband, and gave up the house they bought to her husband.
But she decided not to compromise and endure anymore because she "wanted to live for herself once."
After the divorce, in order to pay off her debts and raise her daughter, she decided to work in Guangzhou and start a new life.
Unfortunately, she wasn't really able to start over.
There are too many people who have been living for others all the time.
For the sake of other people's eyes, for the sake of others' requirements, for the sake of others' standards, for the sake of others' interests, he has become a tool man without self.
And try to use their patience, obedience, hard work, sacrifice, in exchange for the respect and touch of others.
However, if you are willing to use yourself as a tool, how can others treat you as a human being?
If you don't respect your own needs, how can others respect you?
That Chaoshan woman who suffered a crisis was like this.
17 years of tool career, only let her life become more and more difficult, her husband more and more contempt for her, children grow more and more painful.
Her sunk costs are also getting higher and higher.
Her life was over, but many women like her, who, like her, were seen as instrumental by their husbands in marriage and family continued to live this distorted life in similar circumstances.
Perhaps, this is also the reason why Aunt Su Min, who decided to run away from home at the age of 56 and travel to China by car, was able to become popular.
Before that, she had spent more than thirty years of strange married life, and had been moderately depressed and even committed suicide.
However, her more than thirty years of patience did not touch anyone and did not change the state of her life.
It wasn't until she was 56 that she decided she wanted to live for herself.
This exodus is two years.
She not only traveled all over the great rivers and mountains, but also accepted interviews, undertook advertisements, live travel, and became an Internet celebrity who was deeply loved and admired by everyone.
Recently, she used her income savings, and her daughter's financial support, Kiti motorhome.
In the video, she cried with joy: "I finally have my own home, many things in the family before did not belong to me, did not have my name, but this can finally be crowned with my name, this is really my home." 」 ”
She is no longer just a silent, patient, ambiguous wife, mother, grandmother, she is herself.
Aunt Su Min was able to decide at the age of 56 not to live up to her life, although it is respectable, but she has lived in pain for decades before, and why is it not a serious waste of her own life?
She still had the courage to struggle out and live again for herself, and more people, while complaining about the world, while exhausting their vitality and becoming a living dead in the daily torture and entanglement.
The past of a literary friend I know makes me very sad.
When he graduated that year, he was assigned to a provincial-level unit in Guangzhou, and the leaders also attached great importance to him and had a bright future.
His parents, however, asked him to return to his hometown to work on the grounds that he needed his company.
He was very obedient to his parents, and returned to his hometown to work for a while, but he was very depressed and could not see the future.
After all, the hometown is only a small county more than a hundred kilometers away from Guangzhou, and the capital of Guangdong Province, Guangzhou, as well as provincial units, the gap is too big.
At this time, the leaders of the original unit were still willing to transfer him back.
Under the extremely strict distribution and transfer system at that time, the leader did this, which really gave him a green eye.
But his parents were crying and even threatened to hang himself, forcing him to stay in the area.
He once again obeyed his parents and completely lost his chance.
After that, as a "filial piety", he lived the same life in the same place as his parents, repeating the same life.
Even his marital status and conjugal relationship are a copy of his parents.
When I first arrived in Guangzhou, this literary friend came specially to pick up the wind for me with his former colleagues from the provincial-level units.
Wen Youming is obviously in his hometown, he also has an official and a half-job, and his income status is not bad, but he and his former colleagues are sitting opposite me, and the contrast between the two states is very strong.
His former colleague was stretched, comfortable, and peaceful, while he was visibly depressed, depressed, and constricted.
This has nothing to do with physical status, but rather the inner mental state of a person, a refraction of the outside.
Looking at him, I was deeply touched.
Because I know that if I don't finally make up my mind and put it into action, I will be like him, struggling with unwillingness and acceptance for the rest of my life.
He gave up, but I didn't.
In reality, many people who know my past will wonder why I quit my job in the system where others look tall, leave my hometown where I have accumulated a human and material foundation, go away and start over?
In fact, the reason is very simple, just like Lin Daiyu in "Dream of the Red Chamber" said: I am only for my heart.
In a city without a sense of belonging, engaged in work without a sense of commitment, such a life makes me feel very tormented and divided.
This kind of pain cannot be truly dispelled by the praise, envy and affirmation of others.
Resign and don't look elsewhere? Or do you continue like this?
to be or not to be?
This problem has plagued me for a whole decade.
Ten years later, I finally chose to leave.
Because I finally understood that if I still feel unhappy after ten years of this life, then it is the wrong life for me.
When I resigned, it wasn't the optimal time in terms of value for money, but I didn't want to delay any longer.
Life and death are uncertain, everyone can only live once, and no one can be an exception.
And how many decades can a person have?
Choosing another life does not make the future easier.
For ordinary people, in life, no road is easy to take, they have to take detours, pay tuition, and pay costs.
However, if this is the path you choose from the bottom of your heart, then you will be willing to persevere and work hard for it, and bear the consequences for it.
The difference between active choice and passive choice is the difference between whether you are the master of life or the tool of life.
Therefore, although I experienced various ups and downs after changing my route halfway, and ate a lot of pain and tiredness that I had not eaten, I also saw more scenery and had a richer life experience.
Although my ability is limited and I have not been able to do everything I want, at least I am not ashamed.
Many people do not know what they really need when their outlook on life is not really formed, so they go with the flow, follow the public, according to the standards of their parents and others, work, get married, and have children.
And when you find that this kind of life is not what you want, the sunk cost is already very high.
The vast majority of people do not have the courage to start over.
Such a person, I also understand.
Sometimes I think back, if I made a choice at a critical moment that I didn't really want, such as getting married and having children, would I still dare to abandon the past when I found a mistake?
Or will they beautify and rationalize their own situation and use it to hypnotize themselves to continue to endure?
Or do you keep complaining, anxious, and complaining, but still living that day after day?
Such a reflection often makes me break out in a cold sweat.
But it also made me glad that I had kept the bottom line.
At a gathering, someone discussed: What if there is a war in China?
How do we run? How to hide? If you are accidentally injured and killed by artillery fire, will you feel that your life is too worthless?
I looked up and thought about it, and then said: I have lived until now, and I have done most of the things I want to do, and I have probably gone to the places I want to go, and within the scope of my ability, I have enjoyed what I can enjoy.
And the things I didn't want to do, I tried my best to refuse, and I didn't want to live a life that I tried to avoid.
In this half life, you can also do whatever you want and do your best.
It is better to continue to live safely, but if you are destined to die suddenly, there is no big regret.
I think my life is worth living.
There is no one trip to the world in vain.
The Indian poet Tagore said: "Birth is like the splendor of summer flowers, and death is like the quiet beauty of autumn leaves."
This poem has been my motto for many years.
In fact, human death, whether it is due to natural aging, disease, or natural and man-made disasters, the external state of the human body cannot be quiet and beautiful.
Therefore, I think that the poet's meaning actually refers to whether people feel that death is coming, whether they are calm and calm in their hearts, and feel that they have lived up to their expectations in this life.
The premise of living up to your expectations is that you are a flower, and you will bloom the most luxuriant appearance of this flower, rather than distorting or disguising it as some other flower and deceiving yourself.
Such a life, no matter how short it is, has meaning.
When you understand: no matter how much people want not to disappoint the outside world, in the end, they are still themselves who spend the longest time with themselves and are responsible for their own sorrows and joys.
When you decide not to live up to yourself, but to start from your heart, dare to think and speak, dare to do and dare to be.
You are no longer the walking dead, but a living person with a sense of existence.
You don't die at 25, as many people do, and only bury at 75." (Franklin)
Then, when the doomed end of life comes, we look back on our lives, or have regrets, but we will not regret them.