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Li Ao said a classic quote about the relationship between men and women:
Women have only one view of marriage, while men have a thousand and one views of marriage.
Women like to look at men with a scrutinizing eye, and there is only one standard for women: men must be excellent, while men like to look at women from an emotional point of view, and her image can be lively, can be kind, can be virtuous, and so on.
Therefore, it can be said that if a man is not good enough to meet the expectations in a woman's heart, then it is likely to endanger the feelings of both parties, in other words, the man may still be the original man, but the woman is not the original woman, once the relationship between the two sides is out of balance, then it will also lay hidden dangers for each other's marriage.
Wife Su Miao (pseudonym) and husband Yang Chuan (pseudonym) have been married for 5 years, but the two really get along as husband and wife for only 2 months, and now her husband has refused to listen to her phone calls, and her in-laws do not ask her, she has run a milk tea shop alone for 5 years.
Su Miao said that she has always wanted to divorce her husband for 5 years, but it is difficult, and she also revealed that she and her husband are actually in a relationship commensurate with brothers and sisters before marriage, and she is the current dry daughter of her in-laws, and as a result, after she and her brother Yang Chuan became husband and wife, her in-laws and husbands completely changed themselves.
For his wife's statement, her husband Yang Chuan said something else, he said that he and his wife Su Miao originally met because of social software, the two chatted happily on the Internet, he was 4 years older than her, so later they recognized each other's brothers and sisters, spent a long time together, Yang Chuan said that he had feelings for Su Miao, and he had the idea of pursuing her in his heart.
Su Miao's family is poor, the family has a total of 7 daughters, her biological mother died of illness when she was 6 years old, and the next year her father took many daughters into the family of her 13-year-old stepmother, su Miao, who has a strong sense of self-esteem, went to society alone after graduating from junior high school.
When she met Yang Chuan, Su Miao was sick and needed to be hospitalized, but she and her family simply could not afford her treatment fees, as a result, Yang Chuan took her to her home, Yang Chuan's parents saw that their son was very concerned about Su Miao, so they accepted it as a dry daughter and took her to the big hospital for treatment, the Yang family's kindness to Su Miao made her always remember, even if she now strongly demanded divorce from her husband, she still recognized the kindness of her in-laws to her.
When Su Miao recovered from illness, Yang Chuan expressed love to Su Miao, the Yang family parents were also happy to see their sons and daughters combined, at that time Su Miao thought that the Yang family was very good to themselves, because of the relationship between the original family, she lacked maternal love and father love, the father was unable to pay more to her, so the days when she came to the Yang family made her feel the warmth of a long absence, Su Miao wanted to marry such a wealthy, kind family that she would definitely be happy, the most important thing is that Su Miao thinks that she cannot repay the Yang family's kindness to herself. So he agreed to marry Yang Chuan.
However, Su Miao's decision was strongly opposed by his father, because he was not optimistic about the Yang family's family affair, but Su Miao finally insisted on marrying Yang Chuan, for the marriage of the two, the Yang family's parents made a big fuss about it, feasted on guests from all over the world, bought a scooter for the two, the furniture and decoration style in the home were all dressed in pink according to Su Miao's preferences, and as long as Su Miao wanted something, the in-laws tried their best to meet the requirements of their daughter-in-law.
Even after marriage, the mother-in-law bluntly said that as long as the daughter-in-law Su Miao wants to eat something, she will immediately go to the street to buy her without saying a word, she just wants the stars in the sky to find a way to pluck it off for her, she thought that the family did her best to be good to Su Miao, the little couple can live a stable life, and as a result, Su Miao ran away from home only 2 months after marriage.
For the reasons for the escape, Su Miao said that the in-laws did not allow themselves to go out to work, nor did they allow themselves to make friends of the opposite sex, which restricted their freedom, the most important thing is that after marriage, she found that she could not tolerate her husband's stuttering problems, and she also believed that her husband had problems with intelligence, and his personality was too cowardly to become a reliable reliance in the future, so he ran away in anger.
The father-in-law on the side also has something to say, the father-in-law said that he sincerely treated Su Miao, she ran away from home after 2 months after marriage to live up to her heart, and now after 5 years she came back to divorce, there must be a new love affair outside, after the horizon is broadened, he can't see his son so he wants to divorce, and the father-in-law also accuses Su Miao of beating up the child without authorization, which makes him feel that he has not been respected, Su Miao said that the child was conceived before marriage, and then said that his child, he wants to beat it off, this is his own freedom and right.
Su Miao opened a milk tea shop after leaving her in-laws' house, she got up at five o'clock every morning to work, a person did all the things, all the problems in life were solved independently, she became a strong woman, away from home in the past 5 years, Su Miao bluntly said that she knew a lot of friends of the opposite sex, broadened her horizons, she has been moving forward, and her husband is still content with the status quo honestly commuting to work, he has been unable to meet his current mate selection requirements, which is the main reason why he is determined to divorce.
Su Miao frankly said that because of her poor family since childhood, she has always had a strong demand for materials, and she has achieved a certain degree of economic freedom by opening a milk tea shop, so she has the ability to buy various bags and cosmetics, saying that she also opened her own bag to show reporters, just in the process of displaying, but found several men's products from her cosmetics pile.
For this question, Su Miao said that he was optimistic and cheerful, young and beautiful, so he had a lot of friends of the opposite sex, but these men's products were usually used by themselves, because some products can be used by men and women, Su Miao explained that he knew the current marital situation, and did not want to fall in love at present, nor did he want to get married, for his suitors of the opposite sex, Su Miao said that he would reject them all.
In short, Su Miao said that he currently wants to divorce and restore freedom, he also repaid the Yang family's kindness, the two do not owe each other, the reporter asked Su Miao what kindness su Miao repaid the Yang family, after all, Su Miao married for 2 months and left home, Su Miao believes that he has the freedom of marriage, even if it is married for a month, it is also marriage, even if it is married to Yang Chuan, It is Yang Chuan who cannot meet his current expectations for the other half, these years he has been growing, but his husband has not kept up with the speed of his own growth.
Seeing the daughter-in-law Su Miao's strong will to divorce, the in-laws said that the son and daughter-in-law spent a total of about 300,000 yuan before and after marriage, the daughter-in-law's approach made them feel resentful in their hearts, demanding that the daughter-in-law compensate 50,000, while Su Miao's sister asked for compensation that was too high, hoping to reduce the amount of compensation, so that the two people could get together and disperse, after some negotiations, the in-laws gave in and agreed to end the matter with 30,000, Su Miao's sister told her sister Su Miao about this matter, Su Miao said that she would not accept it, and there was only 5,000 in her pocket. Even if the sister said that she was willing to pay 20,000 5 to her sister to make up 30,000, Su Miao also said that she had so much money, the in-laws could not accept themselves and would not give in, and the two sides eventually broke up.
Su Miao and her husband Yang Chuan met on the Internet, because Yang Chuan had a good feeling for Su Miao, so he came up with the idea of closing the emotional distance between the two on the grounds of recognizing "Dry Brother" and "Dry Sister", in order to capture Su Miao's heart, Yang Chuan poured all his kindness to it, so that Su Miao felt a long-lost warmth, and then his heart was full of gratitude.
It is Su Miao's mentality of repaying gratitude, she was willing to marry her husband at the beginning, but marriage is not a child's play, moving is not equal to feelings, when the two get married, just 2 months quickly consumed Su Miao's expectations for marriage, and finally the woman ran away from home, the man was trapped in the marriage, originally thought that the harmonious and happy marriage was dispersed in an unacceptable way, and all this was inseparable from Su Miao himself.
We recognize that there are three emotions in the world, namely family, friendship and love, but in these three emotions, it is difficult to exist ordinary heterosexual friendship, and it is easy for men and women to germinate feelings in long-term relationships, and this primitive emotional impulse will not be restrained by unilateral repression.
Su Miao in their own difficulties, the Yang family once sincerely helped themselves, so she is holding a grateful heart to marry Yang Chuan, she has no feelings for her husband, purely to repay the favor, this behavior may make the guilt in their hearts a little less, but it increases the hidden dangers of marriage, no love marriage is like a building with an unstable foundation, once it encounters problems, it will collapse immediately.
At the same time, Su Miao's mentality of repaying favors will be married as a kind of transaction, she thinks that she is willing to marry Yang Chuan to complete the task, the two sides do not owe each other, in this kind of transactional marriage, the result is that the man still treats Su Miao with all his might, because they do not think that this is a transaction, they think that this is the woman is moved by their sincerity, and then willing to combine with themselves, and the woman Su Miao's heart thinks that she is willing to combine with Yang Chuan, the grace has been repaid, and she can chase it freely for the dream in her heart. This selfish and irresponsible idea not only makes him suffer from marital contradictions, but also makes the two parties who originally had a good relationship completely turn against each other.
Therefore, the world of feelings can not be mixed with any component of self-interest, they should respect their own wishes, must establish a marriage relationship on the basis of feelings, so that their hearts do not have to carry any burden, but also can have a relationship or marriage that they yearn for in their hearts, and both parties can live in harmony in a natural relationship, otherwise they will force themselves to live with a person who does not love at all, which not only tortures themselves, but also hurts an innocent person who pays the true heart, and finally ends up with the sacred marriage into a chicken feather.
Wife Su Miao resolutely wants to divorce her husband Yang Chuan, one of the important reasons is: "You are no longer worthy of me now, I am not the original me", in short, the wife believes that the husband's current conditions can not meet their expectations, at the same time, Su Miao believes that she has been growing in the past 5 years, from a weak woman to a strong woman, and the husband is still staying in his own acre and two points of the land in place, making her desperate, but also let her not see the hope of the future, which is the most important reason why she proposed divorce.
Su Miao's ideas represent the ideological concepts of a considerable number of people, but the husband and wife in marriage are a whole, both sides need to make progress together, and this process of progress needs to communicate with each other friendly and help each other, only the mutual progress is really growth, not one party's own rapid progress and thus dislike and belittle the other party with a slower progress, if so, then where is the original intention of the two parties to combine?
There are still no exactly the same leaves in the world, not to mention that husband and wife are two completely different people, the growth rate of the two sides must have a certain degree of difference, this is an objective law of facts, but since it is a husband and wife, combined into a community of destiny, then the two sides should consider how to help the slower party, dislike and reprimand will only increase the contradiction between husband and wife, between each other's feelings, not only can not urge each other to move forward, but also widened the distance between the two sides, resulting in a counterproductive effect.
However, we see that Su Miao only 2 months after marriage because of dissatisfaction with her husband, so she ran away from home to open her own milk tea shop to start a business, which exposed a serious problem, Su Miao did not give her husband a substantive opportunity, the two even had no chance to communicate, Su Miao just walked away because of her own dissatisfaction, it seemed very willful and irresponsible, we did not see the husband does not have the possibility of progress, but what we see is the ruthlessness and injustice of the wife who is unwilling to give her husband a chance.
Su Miao in the 5 years of working outside, the social circle and vision have been expanded to varying degrees, compared to the husband who is immersed in the wife's thoughts and emotional harm, the husband Yang Chuan is indeed not much changed compared to 5 years ago, the husband 5 years ago and did not enter the wife's vision, the current husband is far from the wife's requirements, but we have to know that this is marriage, the two sides are husband and wife relationship, marriage is a place of feelings, love, not a place full of comparison and material, Blindly demanding each other with their existing vision undoubtedly causes a heavy psychological burden and practical pressure on the other party.
The growth rate between husband and wife can never be agreed, there will always be a difference between fast and slow, since the original decision to hold hands into the sacred marriage hall, then they must be mentally prepared: in this life, whether they are rich and poor or encounter any difficulties and obstacles, at least they should not abandon each other at will, contradictions in marriage are not uncommon, but after the occurrence of contradictions, we should pay more attention to the use of communication to resolve and reconcile contradictions between each other, so that each other can hear each other's voices, so as to make corresponding changes.
Moreover, they should also stand in each other's position to consider the marriage relationship as a whole, blindly with their own high standards to demand each other, which is obviously forcing the other party to continuously meet their expectations, they have become the role of the referee, the other party has become the role of the athlete, and the athlete has no right to speak, in the passive situation of being required, then this unbalanced husband and wife relationship is also doomed to be difficult for both parties to be in a virtuous circle, both parties should put down each other's role play, really stand on the cornerstone of equality to communicate, marriage can restore happiness, Each other can also find their correct home.
What do you think of your wife Su Miao's belief that "the current husband is not worthy of his current self, and he is not the original self"? Welcome to leave a message to discuss, thank you!
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