In today's society, because of the high inclusiveness and openness of society, if you feel that it is not appropriate to get along in marriage, many people's solution is no longer to blindly tolerate, but to choose to get together with each other. However, although divorce is their own free choice, the family after divorce also has a great impact on the growth of their children, so many parents choose to hide the fact of their parents' divorce from their children in order to take care of their children's feelings.
But this white lie of parents has also suffered from the disapproval of many children, who think that parents cheating on themselves is a manifestation of disrespect for themselves, and they do not feel that this is for their own good.
Should parents tell their children about divorce? According to data survey research, most people's advice is not to hide the child, because concealing the fact that the child's parents are divorced can easily cause the following three problems for the child!
First, the child feels that he or she does not deserve the respect he deserves
Many parents feel that their children are young and their children's ability to accept is poor, so many parents make their own decisions without consulting with their children. But in fact, the parents' practice of "ignoring" their children is actually particularly harmful to their children's self-esteem. Children, although young, also need equal respect and recognition.
Even if most of the reasons parents choose to hide are because they are worried that their children will be hurt because of their parents, they want to wait for their children to be a little older and mature before telling their children about their grievances. But have parents ever thought about it? If the relationship between both husband and wife has reached the step of divorce, then I believe that the usual relationship between husband and wife is naturally clear in the eyes of the child.
The child may have been mentally prepared, and the child's ability to bear is far stronger than the parents think, on the contrary, if the parents have been creating a warm family atmosphere in front of the child, but suddenly one day tell the child's parents the fact that they have divorced, the child will definitely have the feeling of being deceived.
Second, parents deliberately conceal their true thoughts and make children feel guilty
Although parents hide the true situation of the family from their children on the grounds of a good starting point, this kind of kindness of "bearing it for the sake of the child" may cause the child to feel pressure and guilt.
Therefore, if parents hide their children under the banner of "being good for their children", then parents must stop this self-righteous care and care, because this practice can only bring more guilt and self-blame to children.
In fact, if you want to reduce the impact of parental problems on your children, what parents do after divorce is the key. If the couple denigrates and accuses each other in front of the child after divorce, it will definitely have a negative impact on the child.
Third, the illusion of a good family atmosphere that is barely maintained will only make the child feel painful
Sometimes the separated family is not necessarily the source of the child's inner pain, but it is the trivial things that the parents in the original family are talking about and arguing every day because of the discord.
Children are the golden stage of emotional sensitivity and character building, so if children have been growing up in this shaky family atmosphere, there will be more problems, so such a family atmosphere is better than barely maintaining it.
Concealing it from the child may not necessarily help the child, but being honest with the child and sincerely asking the child's thoughts will definitely make the child understand the parents' choices better.
In any case, parents should give their children a sense of security, such as telling their children, "No matter what happens later, Daddy is still your dad, Mommy will always be your Mommy, although we are not together, but we have always been family." "I believe that sincere consultation can also be exchanged for the acceptance of children."
Disclaimer: The pictures in the text are from ins, the blogger is @kidzootd, if you also have your own unique insights in the process of educating and parenting, or encounter problems that confuse you, welcome to explore yo ~ together