I have wine and tea, and if you have a story, come to me.
Click "Follow" above, and you are my person.
"Mirror Flower Edge": "People see profit but do not see harm, and fish see food without seeing hooks." ”
This is a general reference to the weakness of human nature, and it is often because of "seeing profits but not seeing harm", and failing to seek benefits and avoid harms. Even people who have suffered losses and have been deceived can still make such a mistake, because "direct experience" tends to target only similar events.
If you want to extend "direct experience", you need to have the habit of "distinguishing between interests and stakes".
For example, if you encounter someone in the workplace who is not right- and duplicitous, rhetorical, and gives you a cake, after suffering losses and being deceived, you can't just pay attention to similar problems in the future workplace, but also pay attention to similar problems in daily life and emotional life.
Some people are precisely because they do not have the habit of thinking to distinguish between interests and stakes, so they will be deceived in their feelings, thinking that they have encountered true love, and as a result, love is kicked away halfway through.
The following woman has encountered this problem in the relationship, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I thought that emotional matters would not be as complicated as in the workplace, but I found that there are all kinds of disgusting people and uncomfortable things.
It may have something to do with the fact that I hadn't been in a relationship before, or that I was too young to recognize the unbearable side of human nature.
I used to do a lot of homework for that marriage, looked up all kinds of materials, and wanted to know what kind of woman I wanted to be attractive to men, to make men fascinated, to make men love me to the bone.
I also did my homework on how to get along with my mother-in-law. However, the result was beyond my comprehension, and none of the homework I had done came in handy.
I never expected that the person who had the top attraction to men was the ex-girlfriend. I tried my best to behave in front of him, looking like a clown, and in the end, he even showed me directly: "Don't bother, the more you deliberately please me, the more disgusted I am, the more it will make me feel that my ex-girlfriend is suitable for me." 」 ”
His words disrupted my rhythm, and I suddenly didn't know how to play the role of wife.
But the confusion was fleeting, and then I got angry and asked him, "Since you can't forget your ex-girlfriend, why do you want to marry me?" Why do you lie about wanting to marry me on a blind date? Play me like a monkey, right? ”
The content of our quarrel was heard by the little uncle who was rubbing in our house, and as an undercover agent installed by our mother-in-law, he first stabbed our private affairs to the mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law came to the door early the next morning, and when she entered the door, she began to count me down. I don't know if it was the little uncle who added oil and vinegar when he passed on the message, or the mother-in-law deliberately reversed black and white, in short, all said that it was my fault, saying that I should not quarrel with her son without incident.
The problem was not complicated, but the more and more people mixed in, it became complicated. Because I couldn't stand being besieged by my in-laws and resisted, my husband began to be unable to stand it and proposed a divorce with me.
I was bullied and divorced, and of course I wouldn't give up and leave without asking for anything. Invisible injury is also injury, and since he is determined to go to his ex-girlfriend to reunite and cannot give me invisible compensation, it can only be replaced by tangible compensation. Between money and house, I chose the house.
The house belongs to me, and of course I can't tolerate the little uncle, the little ghost who reports the news, so I wrapped up my resentment against my mother-in-law and swept him out of the house.
When my mother-in-law questioned me about the teacher, she was even more vicious than the last time she saw me, questioned me why I drove my uncle away, and scolded me for not being educated: "The house was bought by our family, and since you are divorced, you should get out as soon as possible, instead of the dove occupying the magpie's nest and driving my son away!" ”
I showed her a copy of the divorce agreement and attested to me that the house belonged to me. She snatched it straight and tore it to pieces, thinking that she would die in this way, saying that I must return the house to her within three days.
I agreed and sold the house in three days. Since she is pressing forward, I will give her a big gift. When the time comes, she will dare to break in, and others will not be as polite to her as I am.
The marriage only left me with the impression that I hadn't met a good guy, and some were even more disgusting than the people I met in the workplace. If this is marriage, will I still have to get married later?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
At first, she said that marriage is much the same as the workplace, and later said that it is more complicated than the workplace, in fact, it is almost the same.
Marriage or the workplace is only about two kinds of questions: who to be with and what happened.
Things are just a few things, no matter how the form changes, the content will not change. The key is people, because "things are man-made", with different people, marriage will bring you different feelings.
The thinking caused by people and things in marriage can be applied to the workplace; the experience and lessons learned from people and things in the workplace can also be applied to marriage.
From this point of view, she blamed her unhappy marriage on her not being in love, which is not rigorous.
It is not that people without emotional experience do not know anything about emotional matters, whether they understand the key lies in whether they are attentive, whether they know people, and whether they choose. Without these realizations, even if you have been in love hundreds of times and married hundreds of times, you still don't know anything.
Hopefully, she can apply the lessons she learned from marriage to later in life, and it's not all bad to be frustrated in the relationship, the key is to see how you use the lessons you've learned.