Text\XiaoYi\Picture from the network
Some words occasionally say once will make people very touching, but often it will make people disgusting, in our original family, some "love" will actually hurt people, some parents always hurt their children in the name of "love", pua their children, maybe they are not intentional, but their behavior does make the child's psychology traumatic.
What they say once in a while is really touching, but often chanting and reminding people feel disgusting, in fact, unconsciously mental control and abuse of children, more frightening and sad than directly hitting children.
People who have been PUA know that the parent's self-touching nagging of the child is actually an invisible mental control of the child and a moral kidnapping of the child.
The most disgusting few words have been deeply experienced by people who have been PUA by the original family
01 · I am all for your own good
Some parents just like to control their children, but also want to mental control, let the children act according to their will, but the children have their own ideas, each child has their own ideas, everyone's talent or good at things are different, how can children accommodate parents in everything?
If a child listens to the parents in everything, will the parents be at ease? It is impossible to be at ease, why? Because parents who like to control their children are in order to let their children earn face for themselves, that is, they themselves have nothing to show, and hope that their children will have a job, so that even if they can't turn over, they can show off in front of other parents and fight their faces back.
That is to say, such parents want to control their children and can not arrange the future road for their children, such as work A can not arrange anything for the child, they will only say to the child: "I am all for your own good, you must listen to me", the result of the child all listen to them, there is no opinion, nothing can do the Lord, they will complain that the child has no opinion, no work.
This is a typical example of wanting to let the child listen to himself and thinking that the child has an opinion outside, the child has long been tamed by them into a well-behaved rabbit, how can it become a tiger?
There is nothing wrong with the child, but often give the child a nagging that is self-touching nagging, the child will be upset when he hears it, he will feel that he owes the family as soon as he is born, everything listens to the parents and loses his opinion, does not listen to the parents and is morally attacked, the child does not know what to do, has been mentally struggling (internal friction), where is there any energy to learn and improve themselves?
02 . The world is not a parent
Some parents are just unreasonable, they will say to their children like this: I am right when I give birth to you, you are wrong, I say you are wrong, I say that you are wrong, I say that parents will not be wrong.
Even parents will not reflect on themselves, let alone children, children will either feel that their parents are not at all wrong, what is wrong is their own fault, such a child will be very inferior, over-reflect on themselves, make themselves very lonely, dare not interact with people; or the child is also as unreasonable as the parents, so it is good, at least the child can get out of the shadow given by the parents, but such a child will think that the parents are wrong, they are right, what is wrong is the fault of the parents, and the parents form an opposition, and it is easy to become "filial piety" when they grow up ”。
Parents should understand that mistakes should be corrected, rather than being stubborn, thinking that everyone in the world is not a parent, and children raised by such parents are either inferior, or children will think that everything in the world is not a child.
03 You look at someone else's children
Many people may listen to a phrase that parents often chant when they are young: You look at other people's children. I have also been disgusted by this sentence countless times, and I have also tried many times to refute it with "you look at other people's parents", all of which are thought out or calculated, which is to save some face for these parents.
Often in front of the child chanting "you look at other people's children", children will become more and more inferior, because they feel from the heart that they are no better than other people's children, can they not inferior themselves?
Parents put the child's bottom of the heart of the self-confidence are hit away, the child is not necessarily worse than other people's children, let the parents so often chant, the child will unconsciously label themselves "they are not as good as other people's children" label, slowly the child is really not as good as other people's children!
Children are originally excellent and talented, but such parents can so often hit their children into inferior "stupid materials".
Smart parents teach children who are originally "stupid" to be excellent, and stupid parents teach children who are originally excellent to be "stupid". If you look at someone else's child, this sentence sounds very distressing to me now.
04. Your life is all given by me, and if I don't give you life, you will not live as an adult
When I give birth to you, you are kind to you, and this sentence is not wrong to think about, but it is right to think that this is true, but often tell the child this way, what will the child think? Children will think that my life does not belong to me, it turns out that I was born to owe the world, which is really sad...
Parents say to their children like this is nothing more than to let the children remember their own grace, in fact, they do not have to do this, they do not often chant the children will read the grace of their parents more, but they often chant, their ears are heard out of the cocoon! Children either listen very painfully and complain all the time that they are incompetent and have not been able to live a good life with their parents, or they are tired of listening and directly ignore them.
No matter what the outcome, it will make the relationship between parents and children more and more awkward and stiff.
05. Conclusion
Parents want to have a good relationship with their children, want to let their children honor themselves well, in fact, do not have to nag so much useless, self-moving to pay is actually not fun, but let the children more and more disgusting their behavior, so that the parent-child relationship is more and more embarrassing, which is what parents and children do not want to see.
Saying these self-motivated words, it is better to give children more encouragement, even if it is verbal encouragement, so that children have opinion and self-confidence is more important than anything, mental health children whether it is life, work or filial piety to parents are great.