Message
Will communicate with children, in order to educate children.
When you are tired and anxious, is it easy to "speak ill" to your child for a small act? In reality, such injuries happen every day, invisible and untouchable.
1
The more you roar, the more inaudible the child becomes
Stephen Covey wrote in Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families: "We are used to yelling at our families, accusing without understanding, ordering without communicating, learning not to thank you, and not apologizing. We all feel like we've given too much for our family lives, but we've overlooked the most critical point: effective communication. ”
Carrying emotions doesn't solve anything. When you yell at your child, your child's brain automatically switches to an escape mechanism: "When you're done scolding, it's over." By the time the number of times, the child is already immune and doesn't care what you say.
Moreover, if the parents carry aggressive words, it is easy to destroy the trust and respect between parents and children. When parents are in a bad mood, they cannot teach their children any truth.
3
Why are we more harsh on our own families
There is a term in psychology called "family intimacy syndrome", which refers to the fact that people are most likely to vent their emotions to the people closest to them.
Phenomena like this are common, typical of which is "nest horizontal". Gentle people outside may fight with their parents when they don't say a word when they get home. Or an excellent teacher who is very patient with his students and has won countless awards has lost patience in front of his own children.
The famous psychologist Jung once proposed the theory of "personality mask", that is, people will form a personality mask in the process of social evolution to obtain social recognition. Different people will wear different personality masks on different occasions.
Isn't there a saying that we always leave the best temper to strangers and the worst to the closest people.
The reason for this difference is that we always unconsciously divide the world into two parts: external and internal.
In the outside world, if we need to gain social recognition, we will involuntarily cater to social needs, such as being more professional, more cheerful, more tolerant, etc., showing a good side. In the inner world, without the pressure of social recognition, we will allow ourselves to show our true selves and let repressed emotions erupt.
And home belongs to the safe inner world, and family members are not outsiders. Therefore, many people directly cross the steps of sincere communication at home, let their emotions vent wantonly, as long as they do not meet their own wishes, they are impatient when they want to be impatient, they lose their temper if they want to lose their temper, and even if they want to scold, they scold, and they want to do it.
4
Yelling is a form of wantonness, and education requires restraint
It's hard to quit yelling, but that doesn't mean mom and dad can't stay away from yelling. One of the most important points is that parents are willing to change for their children, restrain their tempers, and learn emotional management.
Give yourself a psychological cool time and ask yourself a few more questions:
Why am I angry?
Have I figured out the real reason?
Is there no other way but to throw a tantrum at your child?
......
With such psychological dialogue, we can avoid education with temper and regain sanity.
In addition, parents can also improve from the following aspects when their children bump into you:
▊ Control your emotions
Parents who cannot effectively stop their children from talking back often have poor self-control and are inevitably rude and impatient when educating their children. And this improper treatment is often easy to hurt the child's heart.
▊ Calm in case of trouble, reward and punishment are measured
As a parent, no matter how big a mistake your child makes, don't be impatient. First of all, we must ask the ins and outs of the matter, and then decide on the method of punishment, do not engage in joint punishment, and do not turn over old accounts. Before rewarding and punishing, it is necessary to explain the reasoning and let the child be completely convinced.
▊ Take the initiative to understand your child's intentions
When your child confronts you, you should ask yourself, "What the hell is going on?" What does this little guy want? "When you understand the child's intentions, you will understand why all of a sudden the child has become so rude. Thinking about things from the child's point of view helps parents to ease the atmosphere and their own emotions.
▊ Remind your child to change the way he speaks
Parents say "no mouth" to their children directly, rather than "I understand your feelings, but can you say it in a different tone?" Or" or "I don't like you talking like that, you can slowly convince me with your reasoning." If the child is angry, the parent can also say: "I know you are very angry now, will we talk about it when you calm down?" ”
▊ Pay attention to teaching by example
The child's imitation ability is very strong, if the parents themselves usually love to talk back to people and clash with the elderly, then the strength of discipline of children can be imagined. Therefore, parents lead by example, treat things peacefully on weekdays, and are not impatient. When encountering elders, words and deeds are respected, and children will naturally listen to the teachings and no longer resist.
▊ Reduce the act of spoiling your child
Only by expelling the atmosphere of doting on children can the phenomenon of counter-talking be reduced. When he becomes reasonable and obedient, he strengthens his transformation with words and deeds of encouragement.
▊ Create a democratic family atmosphere
Create enough democratic atmosphere in the home, and listen to whoever is right. And encourage children to express their feelings at any time and resolve their grievances at any time. Don't be afraid that you will have no authority, in fact, the more you do this, the more your child will understand and identify with you.
▊ Give your child the right to plead
Even if you know they are arguing, be patient and listen to them finish. Then take advantage of the situation and help them realize their mistakes. If conditions permit, they can also choose to make up for their mistakes by making up for their mistakes, which is often the one they are most willing to accept.
For the phenomenon of children's recourse, we must not blindly blame the child and suppress the child with the authority of our parents. Understand the reasons behind your child's backlash, actively guide your child, and change your own way of educating.
5
When you want to yell, think of him as someone else's child
"Treat him like someone else's child." It's a great way to overcome yelling at your child.
When adults carry the banner of "good for you" but are deeply mired in the quagmire of "family intimacy syndrome", in fact, children have already seen through the truth at a glance.
In the face of other people's children, we are reasonable, empathetic, tolerant and open-minded. That's because of distance, we often unconsciously examine whether our behavior is out of bounds, such as asking ourselves:
Should I have such high expectations for my children? ——Someone else's child, I want to objectively evaluate his strength, unrealistic expectations must not be.
If he doesn't learn well, will I lose someone? - Someone else's child, his ability is not your face.
Should I say such emotional things to my child? ——Other people's children, naturally be polite.
Can the child obey me? How can someone else's child be like a clay man and make you want to pinch into whatever you want? Point to the end...
The ancients said: Easy to teach, sincerely do not deceive me! Thinking about it in this way, we will naturally become the cute "parents of other people's families" in the mouth of children.
Since the step-by-step push has been fully confirmed by you to be useless, you may as well learn to distance yourself, treat the child as "someone else's child", show your beautiful side to your own baby, and no longer abuse the name of care to combat bondage and even distort his life - after all, it is his own life, and others are irreplaceable!
Different families, the expression between parents and children is also different. Some parents pay more attention to external language expression, some parents focus on the heart and behavior, no matter which way, true love and kind attitude, in order to let children experience the warmth of the family.
Jimmy once wrote in "My Fault is the Fault of Adults": "Why can the wind speak so gently to the tree, but you can never learn to speak softly to me?" ”
Not yelling or screaming is a practice of parents. Because there is love, every word must be said well.
After reading this article,
What do you think and experience
Welcome to leave a message to share with you
Copyright notice: the above graphics and text, source network, you are sharing, the copyright belongs to the original author and the original source, if there is infringement, please contact to delete.
Jingxue family education video number
Do not talk about theory, do not talk about the truth, and do not boil chicken soup blindly
Material, interesting and easy to use
Raise great kids with ease