You can't imagine how good a self-disciplined child really is.
However, the child's self-discipline is not innately formed, but needs to be cultivated, in this process, the guidance and strict requirements of parents are very important for children.
Remember before, an 8-year-old girl became popular on the Internet because of a first-hand print font, and netizens shouted: Cool death obsessive-compulsive disorder.
The girl's small hand grasped a pen and completed the homework carefully one by one.
The written Chinese characters are strong and soft, and the characters are powerful, as if they are really like printed out. Even the numbers and drawings in the math assignments are neat and tidy, which is pleasing to the eye.
The mother said: "The daughter is actually an ordinary child, but she is more strict with herself and has strong self-discipline." ”
In addition to participating in calligraphy classes, children also participate in many interest classes, and the class schedule from Monday to Sunday is almost full, but the children can do well.
Many netizens read the sour message: It is indeed someone else's child.
U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt once said:
"There is a quality that can make a person stand out among the mediocre who do nothing, and this quality is not talent, not education, not IQ, but self-discipline."
Sometimes, our children and "other people's children" may only be separated by the distance of "self-discipline".
Children's self-discipline is not innate and requires parental guidance
Self-disciplined children tend to be excellent. If you look closely, you will find that the children around you who have good academic performance and great potential have very good self-discipline ability.
This ability will benefit children for the rest of their lives.
Parents often complain:
"Children do homework to adults to keep, the computer to play all day, sleep, eat, go to school are urged, in short, big things and small things, no patience, reported all kinds of interest classes are three days of fishing and two days of drying nets, love lazy and delay, really can't take him." 」
Perhaps you will also have such a question: the same baby, why do some children achieve self-discipline, but some children need parents to raise their ears to complete it?
Indeed, not every child can be as self-disciplined as the little girl above, the child is playful by nature, the plan formulated can not be completed in quality and quantity many times, and many parents do not know the reason, and when they are anxious to catch fire, they label their children as "love laziness".
In fact, it is not necessarily that the child himself does not know the urgency and does not know the importance of this matter, but may just be that the child's self-control and self-discipline ability are not enough, and good execution habits have not been formed.
Children's self-discipline is not innately formed, but needs to be cultivated. Behind every child who loves procrastination and is not disciplined, there must be a reason that needs to be seen, parents see it, and the problem is solved.
In this process, the guidance of parents is very important for children. So how can parents help their children develop good habits of self-discipline?
Kids hate being rudely delegated tasks
Generate resistance:
CCTV host Dong Qing has always given the impression of being calm and atmospheric, in theory she should be a typical "other person's child", but she has also been quite "undisciplined".
She said that her father was a very strict person, and when she was young, whether it was winter or summer, it was still dark, so she let her run 1,000 meters to the middle school near her home.
Dong Qing felt that he was running alone on the track and seemed particularly stupid, so he would often play a little clever, find a door hole to hide after going downstairs, estimate that the time was almost up, and then pretend to run home breathlessly, deceiving his father and saying: "I am exhausted, but I am finished!" ”
Many times we make plans and delegate tasks to the children, and the starting point is for the good of the children.
But if you don't pay attention to the ways and methods, so that children feel threatened, coerced, and controlled to do these things, children are likely to use the "non-violent non-cooperation" tactics to carry out their own passive resistance.
Workaround:
Educating children, the most taboo is simple and rude. We must not let the child feel that all the "rules" in the family are "set" for him alone.
Therefore, when making a plan, you can communicate with the child more, give the child more choice, sense of participation and sense of ceremony, lead the child to get started, and when formulating rules, try to take care of the child's emotions and feelings.
Children are more inclined to listen to people who like them and respect them. Full communication with children is the best way to solve children's resistance.
Children have insufficient confidence in success
Fear of failure, fear of difficulties
This is relatively complicated, and in some cases, the goal is set too broadly, such as learning English well, listening to the lessons well, and the child does not know how to implement it.
There is also a situation where children are reluctant to leave their inner comfort zone and are afraid of new environments and changes.
Gu Cheng has a poem called "Avoidance", which explains this logic very well:
"You said you don't like to plant flowers
Because I was afraid of seeing the flowers fall off piece by piece
So to avoid the end of everything
You rejected all the beginnings."
Children will worry that they will not do well, in order to avoid the final failure, so children choose to escape. In this way, even if it really fails, there is a psychological comfort:
"I'm quite smart, I just didn't do it well, if I did it well, I would definitely be able to..."
Workaround
The formation of any habit is the most difficult in the first period of time. You can't rely solely on your child's self-discipline, and you must also cooperate with your parents' help.
An 8-year-old boy who grew up abroad and later returned to China with his mother for a second-grade education. On both sides of the Chinese test paper for the entrance test, the little boy did it for an hour and a half, filling in only one blank.
The child is very frustrated, and in order to help the child, the mother thinks of a way. She broke down the goals into small plans, took it slowly, and clearly listed out how many Chinese characters to learn each day, how many pinyin to silently write, and how many times to read the text.
Therefore, it is more feasible to take it step by step and slightly reduce the requirements for children. The key is ken to start the first step. At this stage, as long as the child takes the first step, has progress and change, it is a good phenomenon.
When a child completes a big goal, parents can first split it into small plans and complete them one by one.
Later, the child said to his mother with great confidence: "It won't be long before I can catch up!" ”
Sure enough, he not only caught up, but also surpassed everyone, and at the end of the first semester, the boy took the second-to-last exam in the class. Mom celebrated with him, and it wasn't the penultimate! At the end of the second semester, the boy took the first place in the class and scored 99 points in the Chinese language test.
The child's attention is distracted
There is no strong sense of time
One of the elements of self-discipline is concentration, if a child does not know how to manage time, he is easily attracted to various things, and in the end, he should do not do a good job.
The children of colleague Zhang Jie took advantage of the summer vacation to completely relax.
Sleep time is often not divided into morning and evening, originally just want to play with the mobile phone, but play in the dark; originally just want to watch TV, but out of control...
As a result, the school is about to start, and the children can only cry and frantically make up homework.
A child without a sense of time is really difficult to develop the habit of self-discipline.
Workaround:
A study in the United States showed that children's time management skills directly affect academic performance and efficiency.
A child's ability to manage time is actually self-discipline.
In a vlog called "A Day of Super Self-Discipline of Harvard Scholars", we can see that the students arrange the time of the day in advance and write it down in the book, which makes people understand at a glance.
Start at 7:45 a.m., wash, breakfast;
Go to the hospital in the morning for examination and class;
Meet your friends for lunch at noon and read a book for a while;
Afternoon interaction with professors and completion of assignments...
He methodically got everything done and proudly called it a successful day.
Time is always fair, we choose how to spend time, time chooses how to shape us.
Parents can arrange a time plan with their children, and at the beginning, they do not have to do anything in detail, and let their children develop the habit of controlling time first.
Then, according to the child's situation, fill in the content by yourself, let the child write it down clearly in black and white, and supervise the completion of the situation every day.
Children are afraid of more demands and troubles after success
A child once secretly told me that he was actually deliberately rubbing.
I asked him why, and he replied:
"If I'm done with this, my mom will have to arrange for me to do something else." It might as well be it. It's a big deal to be nagged by her. "
Yes, sometimes when the child finishes doing mathematics, we will want him to read English for a while, when the child finishes reading English, we hope that he can practice calligraphy; when the child takes the tenth exam, we will hope that he will take the top five, the top five, we may want him to enter the top three...
This is also a kind of pressure, when the child feels that he can not meet the requirements of the past, he will also have poor self-control and begin to cope with things.
Workaround
An event that lasts for a long time, whether it is an adult or a child, will produce a feeling of burnout. Under the pressure of parents, children who do this and do that become relaxed and undisciplined by themselves are also reasonable.
For the solution to this problem, you can consider adjusting the original plan.
For example, children do not want to write a diary, you can write reading notes or even try to write poetry; children feel that reading is boring, you can consider giving children a few more types of books. Popular science books, novels, and story books can all be used as reading materials. It doesn't have to be a type of reading.
Making the plan more interesting, not more stressful, can be a good way to motivate children.
In addition, parents can also help their children have an auxiliary "other law" in addition to self-discipline through some reward and punishment models.
From helping children adhere to a plan to helping children develop a habit, it is necessary for parents to accumulate "fierce heart" and firmness.
If we want our children to be free, we must let our children have self-discipline. We hope that children have self-discipline, so we must grasp more from life.
Helping children learn self-discipline is like opening a window to their children's world.
Self-discipline will be internalized as a part of the child's body and become the motivation for his efforts. With this power, the child will spontaneously and actively overcome difficulties and will accept failure calmly.
Self-discipline is the greatest wealth in a child's life, all good habits need to be formed, may we become the child's spiritual leader.