Yesterday, my friend Xiaoxi sent me a message saying that after breaking up for more than a month, my ex-boyfriend suddenly contacted her again during the New Year.
She couldn't help but like each other, so she couldn't help but contact the other party, so she asked the other party if she wanted to get back together?
The other party did not speak, nor did he respond to Xiaoxi, Xiaoxi finally had a happy time, she ran to ask me what kind of psychology her ex-boyfriend contacted her?
If he doesn't want to get back together, why should he come to him?
I said, "He came to contact you, and you proposed to reunite and he didn't want to, which means that he has no intention of reuniting with you at all, and he doesn't necessarily like you much."
It's just to see how you're doing after you leave him.
Either it is to test whether you like him or not, and as soon as he sees that you have offered to reunite, he knows that you still have him in your heart, and his purpose has been achieved. ”
Some guys are like that, breaking up with their girlfriends and coming back to contact each other.
If you say that you come back to contact each other because you still love her, really realize your mistakes, and want to get back together again, then you can understand.
But they often do not hold this kind of psychology, but only want to test whether the other party still loves themselves, or use the other party as a spare tire.
Of course, not all boys pay attention to the ex out of bad psychology, and some boys pay attention to the ex, and indeed they really don't put it down.
So different people have different ideas and purposes.
However, boys pay attention to their ex after breaking up, which is nothing more than these 4 kinds of psychology.
01
See how your ex is doing
Some couples break up, may be proposed by girls, boys are not willing in their hearts, but there is no way, can only agree.
But after agreeing, I feel uncomfortable in my heart, and I will want to see what you will find in the future.
After that, he looks for you again, just to see if you can find a better partner after you leave him, and your life is happy or unhappy.
If he is not happy, he may be happy and have a sense of revenge.
Friend Kiki has talked about the experience of her husband's friend, when her husband's friend and a girl fell in love, after a few months of talking, the girl said that each other's personalities are not suitable, and proposed to break up.
Even if the boy likes each other, it is not good to bother again, and he can only respect her.
But in his heart, there was a ditch left.
He always felt that the other party had proposed the breakup first and abandoned him, so he was not very comfortable.
So he asked about each other from friends who knew each other.
When he hears that the other person is in love and broke up, or the blind date is not successful, he will be very happy.
Of course, it is not excluded that some boys pay attention to their ex, just because they still like each other and know that it is unlikely to be with each other, so they can only secretly pay attention to her.
02
What is not obtained is always in turmoil
There is a memory effect in psychology, called the Zeignick effect, which refers to people's impression of things that have not yet been processed than those that have been processed.
The same applies to boys after a breakup.
For boys, breaking up with an ex doesn't mean the end, it just means that one thing isn't done, it's a relationship that abruptly stops.
People are born to pursue perfection, and for things that are not perfect, they will leave regrets, and they will always keep that memory and be grumpy.
Therefore, after the breakup, boys not only can't forget the ex, but sometimes the impression will be more profound.
Just like some girls can't forget their ex after breaking up, this is a psychological reaction from people.
So I agree with what one author said, so that boys can't forget that girls only get and have lost.
Some couples break up, it may be because of some reason, some problems have not been solved in time, it is not that they are not in love.
When he truly realizes that he still loves the other party and realizes his mistakes, he will subconsciously want to contact the other party again and get back together.
I have a few friends around me who broke up, and the boyfriend realized his mistake and went back to them to get back together.
If they still like each other, the mistakes made by the other party are not serious, and they really realize the mistakes and will correct them, then they will choose to compound.
03
Leave a spare tire
One of the most common is to keep a spare tire.
I don't know if you have seen a situation, after the breakup, if the boy contacts the ex, and the ex tries to get back together, they basically won't agree.
Instead, they will find some high-sounding reasons, saying that they are not suitable for each other now, first calm down, starting from friends.
Then in the name of friends, doing things between lovers.
Why are they doing this?
It is nothing more than wanting to leave a spare tire for yourself, not only not to be responsible for each other, but also to do things between lovers with each other.
Just like her friend Xiaoxi, she and her ex-boyfriend had been separated once before, when the boy said that the two of them should be friends first, and there was no hurry to get back together.
After I listened to it at the time, I said, "This is a typical scumbag quote, do you lack his friend?" Rare to be friends with him?
If he really likes you, he won't risk possibly losing you just being friends with you and not getting back together with you.
Since he said so, he just wants to leave a spare tire for himself, and when he is bored, he can talk to you, go shopping, make appointments, and leave you aside when he is busy.
When the time comes, you want to question why he doesn't care about himself, because you two are just friends.
And he can enjoy your kindness to him and not be responsible for the relationship, so why not enjoy it? ”
However, Xiao Xi, who was on top at the time, did not listen to my advice at all, and still took the initiative to chat with the other party and ask him out.
Later, the two people were reunited, but the boys basically didn't care much about her.
Even after the reunion, it was not long before the two broke up again.
04
Found that the current is not as good as the predecessor
People have the nature of seeking advantages and avoiding harms, especially boys, who often reflect the trade-offs to the fullest.
If they can meet a girl who is better than her ex in every way after breaking up with her ex, he may soon forget about the other person.
But if the current conditions are not as good as the predecessor, then he will think of the predecessor from time to time.
This is also the reason why many boys choose to be with the current and break up with the ex for a better future.
Of course, if the ex later made himself very good by his own efforts, he is still likely to turn back.
I've seen a lot of boys who originally hated their ex-girlfriends, and when they broke up and the girls got better and better, he started to regret it again and looked back for his ex.
Some girls may ask: If the other party wants to reunite, do you want to promise him?
Regarding this, I have written similar content before, and I want to know if the other party can be compounded, just look at these points.
1. The reason for breaking up with him in the first place
If you had broken up, it didn't involve principle issues, but only because of external reasons such as family, distance, and city, and now that you have solved these problems, you can choose to be together.
But if you broke up because of his cheating, domestic violence, or cold violence, it is not recommended to get back together.
Because if a matter of principle arises, it will not occur more than once.
2. See if you still love him and if he's really working for compounding
Ask yourself if you still love him, and if he's really putting into action, if he's really paying for the relationship again.
If he just talks about it and doesn't pay anything in practice, then he just wants to empty the gloves of the white wolf, or forget it.
3. See if he's getting better than before
If when you first broke up, he was not in good condition, and he did not know how to be motivated and hardworking;
Later, he came back to you, still like that, without any improvement, and it was recommended not to compound.
Because the person who loves you, he will seriously try to give you a better life, instead of letting you accompany him to live a hard life all the time.
Finally, ask yourself if being with him makes you better.
If it can make you better, then compound, if not, then continue to separate.
Author | Nancy Anhui University master of translation, through the ministry of personnel third-level translation, in-depth research in the field of gender emotions, good at finding problems from emotions and solving problems, so that more people are aware, become a better self.