It is said that the preference for sons over daughters is the ideology of the older generation, but the reality is also the same. Many of the older generation are still unable to escape the influence of this concept of political performance, and their attitude towards their families will also be affected by this concept. This kind of thinking can sometimes bring contradictions to families and cause a lot of unnecessary trouble.
A scholar of sociology said:
"China is still partly influenced by traditional social ideas."
Therefore, today's older generation and the younger generation often have conflicts because of these conflicts between old and new ideas. If these contradictions are not properly resolved, it will be difficult for the family to find peace. In fact, the best way is not to live too close, and not to get along day and night, because once people get too close, trouble will follow.
1. The first child gave birth to a daughter, and the mother-in-law was very upset with me until I gave birth to a son;
After Tang Jianlan and Ding Jianguo got married, they quit their jobs and became a housewife. Tang Jianlan and her husband, Ding Jianguo, live in the city, while Ding Jianguo's mother and daughter occasionally visit them from the countryside.
Every time Ding Jianguo's mother came home, Tang Jianlan felt a lot of pressure, because every time Ding Jianguo's mother asked her when she would have a child, her words always revealed that she had to have a boy to pass on for them. But blowing a balloon belly will not become big, which puts a lot of pressure on Tang Jianlan. Fortunately, half a year later, Tang Jianlan successfully conceived a child, and Ding Jianguo's mother kept nagging about this, which was her little golden grandson.
But the result was not as Ding Jianguo's mother had hoped. Tang Jianlan became pregnant and gave birth to a girl in October. When Ding Jianguo's mother saw the child, her face turned black, and she didn't even want to hold the child. When Tang Jianlan woke up, he saw Ding Jianguo's mother, her face as black as the bottom of the pot. Only then did he know that he had given birth to a girl. For Tang Jianlan, boys and girls are the same, but Ding Jianguo's mother is obviously very dissatisfied with this fact, and even did not stay to take care of Tang Jianlan, and went directly back to the countryside.
During Tang Jianlan's confinement, Tang Jianlan's mother personally took care of her. After all, her husband Ding Jianguo had to work, but Ding Jianguo's mother never came. Tang Jianlan knew what kind of person her mother-in-law was. She suppresses her own dissatisfaction, and negative emotions affect her health recovery.
Later, at the full moon feast of Tang Jianlan's daughter, Ding Jianguo's mother appeared again, but she still did not want to hold her granddaughter. Tang Jianlan was very unhappy, but this was her daughter's full moon feast, and she could only ignore it.
Later, when her daughter was one year old, Tang Jianlan became pregnant again. After hearing this news, Ding Jianguo rushed to Tang Jianlan's home. His eyes were full of hope and happiness, and he wanted the baby to be a boy. A few months later, outside the hospital's delivery room, Ding's mother was extremely anxious until the doctor came out. Finally the doctor said, "Congratulations, mother and child are safe, it is a boy." Ding Jianguo's mother fainted with joy. This time, Ding Jianguo's mother took the initiative to stay and take care of Tang Jianlan, who had just given birth. 2. The mother-in-law is biased to only take care of my son, but does not care about my daughter, and her attitude is very poor;
Since Tang Jianlan left a boy, Ding Jianguo's mother moved directly to this house, just to take care of her precious golden grandson.
Tang Jianlan found that Ding Jianguo's mother had been neglecting to take care of her daughter and was eating and drinking at home, while Ding Jianguo's mother only gave her son food in detail. Tang Jianlan bought some toys for the two siblings to play with, but Dante's mother only played with her little grandson and let her granddaughter go out to play. Tang Jianlan returned home and watched her daughter only dare to see Ding see the mother and son play happily, but did not dare to go forward. She couldn't help but be angry and distressed. She quickly asked, "Little obedient, why don't you play with your brothers and grandmothers?" But the daughter did not answer. Ding Jianguo's mother said: "The child is so old, he can't just play." It's ridiculous. Tang Jianlan suppressed his anger and said, "Nan Nan is still in kindergarten." Why can't she play? This toy Mom bought for you and your brother to play with. You can play with your brother later, you know? ”
Tang Jianlan noticed that Ding Jianguo's mother was very unhappy, but she didn't care too much. Although Ding's mother was very patriarchal, she could not let his thoughts affect her two children. However, this has happened many times. Various things, large and small, made Tang Jianlan feel a lot of dissatisfaction with Ding Jianguo's mother.
Until one time, a big contradiction broke out, because Tang Jianlan was led by Ding Jianguo's mother, and his son was finally spoiled by Ding Jianguo's mother. Once, Tang Jianlan was on vacation at home, and her daughter and son quarreled over a toy. The son could not catch his daughter and cried next to him. At this time, Ding Jianguo's mother immediately came over, hugged her son, kicked her daughter, and after being kicked, her daughter was blindfolded for a while, and then cried loudly.
Tang Jianlan couldn't help it. He snatched his son back from his mother-in-law. The two children rushed into the room and locked it, driving their mother-in-law out of the house.
After enduring for five years, it finally broke out, and the mother-in-law could not be allowed to teach the child badly.
She chose to go back to her room and patiently said to her son and daughter: "As an older sister, you should let go of your brother, you should spoil your brother, you can't fight with your brother because of a small toy, but your brother is also doing wrong." He is your sister, you have to respect him, love his grandmother, love you more, but you can't bully your sister with this. If you bully your sister again, your mother won't recognize you, okay? Maybe at home grandma told you that you were a boy, which was more important, but my mother told you that you were in the same position as your sister in the family, and that you were my child. ”
Later, Ding Jianguo's mother found trouble with Ding Jianguo, but Ding Jianguo was not blind. After listening to his wife Tang Jianlan's explanation, he chose to stand by and watch her side. Tang Jianlan then said, "Although she is your mother, I still have something to say. I've been patient for five years. Ever since I had a daughter, she didn't like me until I gave birth to a son. I know that the older generation's perceptions are hard to change, but this is my child. I can't let my child be affected like this, and I don't want my daughter to be hurt. She had gone too far to kick with her feet. Do you know how much this foot hurts the child? Ding Jianguo did not want his wife and mother to reconcile so quickly. Tang Jianlan was no longer willing to let her mother-in-law live in this house, and directly said to her mother-in-law: "Whether there is me or not, I don't want you to come into this house again, but I can take your grandson to visit you." Ding Jianguo's mother tried to refute it, but found that no one was on her side, because what she had done this time was too much, and no one was willing to help her anymore.
It can be seen that Ding Jianguo's mother's implementation of the concept of son preference has reached the point of obsession. For the sake of her grandchildren, she could even kick her granddaughter just because they were fighting for a small toy. It was outrageous. It is intolerable for a mother to see her child being hurt like this. Moreover, one person's dissatisfaction with another person has accumulated for so long, his outbreak only needs a fuse.
One emotional blogger said:
"To endure too much until the day it erupts, that's the horror of the atomic bomb."
That's right. If there are family conflicts and dissatisfactions, resolve them in time, rather than waiting until things get out of hand. If Tang Jianlan had made his attitude clear earlier, perhaps Ding Jianguo's mother would not have done such an excessive thing.