As the saying goes, the dragon gives birth to nine sons, each has a different difference, in a multi-child family, brothers and sisters have different fates, some live a rich life, very prominent, let the parents feel proud, some live an embarrassing life, do not come out and even drag the family's hind legs, so that parents feel headaches.
There is a human nature called favoritism, and the same is true of parenthood. Many parents see that their children are not doing well, they feel anxious and try their best to help them improve their lives. And one of the ways that many parents think is feasible is to ask for help from their children who are doing well in the name of being your brother and sister.
It is natural for parents to love their children, but this does not mean that you can help your children who are not doing well by harming the interests of other children, that is, a bowl of water is uneven.
In the TV series "Know It or Not", Grandma Kong, who lives through, also said:
"In the homes of people with many children, parents need a bowl of water to be flat in order to have a quiet home."
If the parents are uneven in a bowl of water, they are partial to one of them, not only give him their own things, but also ask other children to give their own interests to their brothers and sisters, and the children naturally cannot accept such a request, not only will they resent their parents, but also resent the brothers and sisters who have caused trouble to themselves.
On the contrary, if parents can level the bowl of water, do not do things that make their children chill, and do not let their unsatisfactory children cause trouble to other brothers and sisters, it is easier to keep this flesh and blood affection.
In the eyes of many relatives, Aunt Cao is somewhat cold-blooded and ruthless, obviously there is a way to help the younger son improve his life and make the younger son live less hard, but he refuses to use: "Your eldest son's income is so high, why don't you look for him to help his brother?" ”
In this regard, Aunt Cao's attitude was very resolute, insisting on not bothering the eldest son for the sake of the younger son, on the grounds that "the younger son was born to me, not the eldest son, so the eldest son is not obliged." ”
01. Save money for two sons to study, but the child is indeed not this material;
Aunt Cao is 67 years old and has two sons, the eldest son is 42 years old this year, and the younger son has just passed his 37th birthday.
When she was young, although Aunt Cao had never read a book, she also knew the importance of knowledge, so she and her husband, with the support of her in-laws, saved money, worked hard to save money, and did their best to provide for their two sons to study, hoping that they could be admitted to college and get ahead.
To be honest, my youngest son is not too, nor is he lazy and lazy, and he refuses to learn, but some children are definitely not this material, their brains can't remember things, and it's too difficult to learn.
In the end, Aunt Cao's eldest son was admitted to college, and after graduation, he married a daughter-in-law in the city, was appreciated by his father-in-law, and got a good job with the help of his father-in-law.
The younger son read the first year of high school, the grades are really difficult to improve, the hope of admission to college is slim, and he was dissuaded by the school. The younger son had to return home, work in the fields with his parents, and later, after being introduced, married a girl from another village and made a living as a farmer.
"He grows cotton at home, gets up before dawn, comes back after dark, tired and half dead, but he can't make a few money, often in order to buy fertilizer, he always finds someone to borrow money, and at the end of the year, he always finds that he can't make ends meet!" Watching him have such a hard time, I am also anxious! ”
02. The eldest son earns 300,000 yuan a year, the younger son is difficult to support the family, the gap between the two people's lives is huge, and the persuasion of relatives is refuted by me;
Aunt Cao was worried about the living conditions of her younger son, but some relatives and villagers were confused and came to give Aunt Cao advice.
Aunt Cao's cousin persuaded her more than once to let her go to the eldest son and help the younger son: "I have a son and a daughter, and my son is also very bad, but it doesn't matter!" With his sister present, even if my son doesn't work, my daughter has to give money for her brother to spend. Your eldest son earns 300,000 yuan a year, and taking some money to improve his brother's life is not a casual thing? ”
Aunt Zhao also has two sons, one has a job and the other does not show up, looking for an aunt in order to let the eldest son pull the younger son, every once in a while to go to the eldest son's house to cry for a while, not to get a satisfactory amount of money will not come back.
Some time ago, seeing that Aunt Cao was indifferent, some nosy relatives actually took advantage of the eldest son's return to preach to the eldest son, accusing him of not being a brother, Aunt Cao couldn't bear it, and shyly went back: "It's all my son, I haven't spoken yet, where are your faces?" ”
Eventually, I also asked my eldest son for help, found acquaintances, and introduced his brother and daughter-in-law to a job in a factory where they could at least have money to earn instead of relying on the sky to eat. However, I can never be like everyone else, managing the eldest son to ask for money and subsidizing the younger son. ”
This is not to love him, but to harm him, in order to make the younger son understand himself, Aunt Cao explained his pain to the younger son and the couple, and made arrangements.
03. As a mother, I can help you with my granddaughter, but I can't burden my eldest son for you;
"I can help you, but it has nothing to do with your brother, your brother only needs to take care of his own family of three, usually filial piety is good, you are an adult, we are still there, the elder brother in ancient times such as father is not established, he does not have this obligation to help you." 」
In fact, Aunt Cao's biggest concern is the feelings of the eldest daughter-in-law, just say that the aunt who persuaded her to go to the eldest son every three to five to make trouble for the younger son to ask for money to spend, her eldest daughter-in-law has been divorced several times, the family is not at peace, but Aunt Zhao is not aware of her mistakes at all, only think that the eldest daughter-in-law is selfish, there is no affection, but support the eldest son's divorce, and now the family is making a lot of noise!
"If the situation is reversed, I ask you to subsidize your brother and give him a share of the money you earn, and you will not be happy, this is the common sentiment of people." 」
Aunt Zhao means that the younger son and the daughter-in-law go out to work together to earn money and support the family, and the granddaughter is entrusted to Aunt Zhao to take care of, so that the couple has no worries.
"Mom, we understand your hard heart, although we didn't make money, but we still want to face, where is the reason for my brother to subsidize us?" Kids are bothering you, we'll work hard. ”
Fortunately, the younger son and daughter-in-law understand Aunt Zhao's hard work and are willing to improve their lives with their own hands. And Aunt Zhao also did her best to help them and take care of the children for them.
04. Parents help their children, do what they can, don't pit themselves and other children.
There is a saying in the "Yan Family Training": those who are weathered by husbands are also those who walk from the top to the bottom, and those who are first and give to the latter. If the father is not kind, the son is not filial, the brother is not friendly, the brother is not respectful, and if the husband is unrighteous, the woman is not smooth.
Parents help their children, do what they can, don't pit themselves and other children. If you only think that brothers and sisters must help each other, in the name of him and your mother and compatriots, forcing rich children to share their interests with their brothers and sisters, rich children will not feel willing, after all, their money is not blown by the wind, but they are down-to-earth, little by little.
For children, the eccentricity of parents is an invisible sharp knife, a little cut their hearts, once or twice is fine, time is long, children will not be willing to become the cash cow of the original family, the love for parents will also be exhausted, when the time comes, parents are not kind, do not have children filial piety.
There is a classic line in the movie "The Godfather": "Softness without boundaries will only make the other party inch; unprincipled benevolence will only let the other party do whatever it wants." ”
In families with many children, the eccentricity of parents is also the confidence that children who are not successful are becoming more and more incomplete. He knows that as long as you are there, even if your brothers and sisters don't help him, you won't let him starve to death, so he has the idea that I have money to spend what I have to work hard to make money, and there is no motivation to support myself.
Whether it is for yourself, for your beloved child, or for other children, remember to level the bowl of water as much as possible, and don't pit the child and pit yourself.
END.
Today's topic: Do you think That Aunt Cao's behavior of not looking for the eldest son to help the younger son is cold-blooded? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.