Text: Xuan Xiaolei
Figure: Network
▼
First, complementary couples are not easy
The two couples in "The Perfect Partner" seem to be complementary, the kind of model that everyone thinks is appropriate.
However, looking at their ups and downs, I can't help but feel again: complementarity may be the right partner, but it may not be a long-term partner.
What can go further together should be more similar in the three views and states of two people, rather than being at the poles.
Look at Lin Qingkun and Chen Shan, and then look at Sun Lei and Wu Min. Outsiders look at them as if they are happy and happy, but in fact, they are constantly contradictory.
Because of these two pairs, one of them gave up his career to take care of the housework and take care of the children.
Although a marriage requires the cooperation of two people, the choice of the lord and the outside are not easy, so in order to support the other half and give up their pursuit and career is not wrong, but there are many potential hidden dangers.
Because the person "within the Lord" is easily worn away by trivial life, seeing that his partner's career is as successful as day, it is easy to have a sense of inferiority.
If the partner who is becoming more and more capable does not forget to care and understand at the same time, then this complementary relationship can continue smoothly.
For example, Chen Shan, although the work is indeed very busy and hard, but the husband and children are still full of love and sincerity, communication and expression is also very smooth, so the mood of the old Gongsun Lei is still slightly stable, plus Sun Lei still has a job mix.
But Wu Min, a complete full-time housewife, is not so calm, after all, her husband Lin Qingkun's expression also has problems, always does not go home, always does not answer the phone and does not return information, always arranges everything independently, as if she cannot be seen in her eyes.
So in the end, Wu Min chose to divorce, not because she was pretentious, but because Lin Qingkun's attitude towards her was indeed not good enough.
Even if she is at fault, she can communicate well, how can she be so weak after giving birth or just care about herself and get angry, without any words of comfort and concern?
There is love and pain and reluctance to express it, how can a person who does business and act everywhere not understand effective communication?
He was probably also because Wu Min had always been silent and quiet and sensible, so that he got used to her obedience, watched her change, wanted to break free from his own rear, and had an autonomous consciousness, and suddenly felt uncomfortable and uneasy.
In short, the main reason for their divorce is that one has completely lost herself and has no sense of self-worth, and the other does not understand the importance of this, and only thinks that she is unreasonable or pretentious.
So with a bit of a negative element, but after the divorce, Wu Min suddenly had vitality. As she said: "Divorced, there are no expectations and requirements for him." ”
In this way, she will also relax, and she will not be disappointed, and she will not suffer from gains and losses and want Lin Qingkun to "see" herself and respect herself.
When they are together, the balance will tilt, and the behavior and emotions will be out of control, which looks like an unreasonable joke, but also because it is not "similar" enough.
It is a secular partnership between a "successful person" and a "housewife(husband)".
This kind of cooperation will be noisy if you are not careful, because it is not easy to empathize.
Second, people can only understand people who are in the same situation as themselves
For example, if Chen Shan did not do housework with the baby, she could not feel how complicated and troublesome these two things were and how to consume people's will. Lin Qingkun is the same, and even feels that Wu Min is very relaxed at home.
The more "successful" Chen Shan and Lin Qingkun together will appreciate each other's charming ability in the work, and will understand that the "battle" there is not easy.
But in the same way, Wu Min and Sun Lei will also understand each other, because their conditions are similar, so it is difficult to understand this seemingly inconspicuous "Inside the Lord".
But in the eyes of others, their behavior is easily distinguished into "incompetent" and "capable", and perhaps they themselves think the same way.
Therefore, both Wu Min and Sun Lei will have a collapse and outbreak, and then it is said that "the incompetent are angry, and the capable are solving the problem." ”
For example, when Lin Qingkun learned that Wu Min wanted to run a custody class, he was busy and helped her with the procedures for licenses and qualifications, and told Wu Min with great interest that this was a gift for her.
However, Wu Min was angry and said that these things had something to do with her, saying that she wanted to run a custody class, not that she wanted Lin Qingkun to help her run a custody class, and she did not want to be his appendage.
This performance makes many people speechless, and they all think how good is such a husband? Someone to help run their own business is good, what is wrong? Wu Min doesn't expect her husband to ask Sun Lei's opinion everywhere?
Unfortunately, Wu Min has long thought that she is an "incompetent" tool person in Lin Qingkun's eyes, because the more she helps her, the more she feels hurt her self-esteem.
The rival is Chen Shan's old Gongsun Lei, who caused an explosion in the company's laboratory, and Shunshi became a pot bearer, demanding compensation of 1.2 million.
Chen Shan dragged his weak and pregnant body in his company to fight with his group of fox management for a day, and finally resigned to pay 70,000 yuan.
As a result, as soon as he heard that his job had been resigned, he immediately became angry and scolded Chen Shan for why he did this? Chen Shan was too tired to go home and elaborate, but he yelled, "Why did you take away my career?" ”
Chen Shan said: "If you obey the factory arrangement, what you have to do next is not a career." ”
But he said: "Then what is the cause you tell me, trapeze artists, high-end office buildings, five-star hotels, godly let every enterprise obey your orders is the cause, just like Lin Qingkun, the rest are worthless, right?" ”
Chen Shan said that I was tired, so he said, "Then don't pass, leave..."
It seems that his anger is still a little easier to understand, after all, he still cares about his job.
But didn't he ask himself why his wife? Is she still pregnant? Shouldn't he trust her? Can he calm down a bit? Is it necessary to be so angry and corrupt? Can he go elsewhere for the same job? Will his wife harm him?
Third, do not be proud outside the Lord, and do not be inferior in the Lord
The main reason is that they feel that their position in this family is more "weak", or that their partner who makes more money is stronger, and they will regard what is originally "maintenance protection help" as "hurting self-esteem and manipulation".
The root cause of all this is mostly caused by the inferiority complex brought about by the inconspicuous sense of self-worth.
Therefore, either two people are mediocre together, or two people work hard together to grow up, so that it should be a little more relaxed to get along.
Only two people who are confident enough will communicate smoothly and will not be sensitive because of a word or a behavior.
Speaking of which, you might say that complementarity and similarity, the main inside and the main outside are inherently difficult to balance, it is difficult to have both.
In fact, it is also very simple, two people to advance and retreat together, do not work too hard, leave some time for the family, division of labor and cooperation is not too extreme, but together to undertake the task of making money, together to undertake housework.
At the same time, reduce some desires, pursue less material things, work is almost good, do not take it as the whole of life.
Life should be fully committed, not all work and career, and your family, and love and warmth.
Without these, work and career are cold and have no temperature, and the realization of self-worth is also without a top, living happily and happily, and making people around them happy and happy, that is the real skill.
Moreover, people outside the Lord should not be proud, and people inside the Lord should not be inferior, because everyone is actually realizing their self-worth, but doing things differently, don't look down on each other, and don't look down on yourself.