1, the girlfriend is relatively pure, acquaintance for a year also stopped at kissing, and finally once drank too much, lived together. When she woke up the next day, she looked at the tissues on the floor and angrily punched me in the chest: "

1, the girlfriend is relatively pure, acquaintance for a year also stopped at kissing, and finally once drank too much, lived together. When she woke up the next day, she looked at the tissues on the floor and punched me in the chest angrily: "Have you considered my feelings?" My first time was gone, why didn't you wake me up? "Sleeper, should I tell her that last night she rolled up the quilt by herself, I can't pull it, I'm cold and runny nose, only to use so many tissues??"

2, the girlfriend looks beautiful, a rich second generation with money offensive for three days to impress the girlfriend's heart. After a month of love, the rich second generation got tired of breaking up, and I was afraid that she would not want to go with her. At night, when she went to bed, two mosquitoes kept buzzing in her ears. The girlfriend breathlessly said: Lost love, even mosquitoes are angry with me, alas, fortunately you are with me, not so uncomfortable. I was silently relieved, and she looked at me with pity: after all, I had a man.

3. A landlord who is unforgiving goes out and is seen by the peasants. The peasant scolded the cattle fiercely: Stupid cattle, idle nothing to do! It's a whip. The landlord was not happy when he heard it, and this was not clear to me! He went over to scold him fiercely. The farmer noticed and grabbed a lump of mud and shoved it into the P-strand of the cow. The landlord wanted to have a seizure, but when he saw this scene, he couldn't help but laugh, and he asked: Hey, what are you doing? The farmer replied: I calculated that it would have to fart, so I would paste it first!

4. The younger sister plays games and earns a net income of 78,000 yuan. In the evening, I invited my sister to Haidilao for dinner, and when I came out of the meal, I met a foreigner. The foreigner was asking for directions from passers-by, and the sister, out of enthusiasm, went to chat with the foreigner in English for half a day, but did not understand. Finally, the foreigner was anxious and said in a standard Mandarin: "You say Chinese, I can understand it!" ”

5, as the only single woman in the office, there are things that the leader always likes to make me do. Today, the leader came to me and said, "I'll give you half a day off, and you'll go to a parent-teacher conference for my kindergarten son." I hesitated for a moment and said, "Your son's parent-teacher meeting, isn't it appropriate for me to go?" The leader smiled and said: "I am giving you a chance, if you go to meet a single handsome guy, is it not just to solve your single problem?" "

6. My dad is a real rural man who has never seen anything in the world. Once my dad had just come from his hometown for a few days, and he had never heard of takeout. Yesterday I ordered a takeaway, and then I said to my father: In a moment, someone will bring us rice, a spicy chicken, a cumin beef, a sour and spicy potato shredded, plus 4 parts of rice, believe it or not? My dad said, "I don't believe it." Then half a 30 minutes later the takeaway came, when I had opened the meal. Dad said to me: You are really good, this can be figured out!

7. After coming home from school last night, my sister and I began to carry it again. The elder sister said to me: They all say that the daughter is the lover of the father's previous life, and it is really not false, you see our father, do not love to take care of you! I rolled my eyes and said, "But Daddy calls you by your first name, and he always calls me Son!" The old sister's face slowly did not look good, and the father held out his hand to me and said: Son, bring your ID card, I will see what your name is!

8. The cousin failed to do plastic surgery, and the whole face became unrecognizable. The cousin really couldn't stand it, forced his cousin to sign a divorce agreement, took 50,000 yuan from the family and ran away. It didn't take long for my cousin to get along with a female student who had just graduated from college. That time, the cousin accompanied his girlfriend to the mall to buy clothes, and the girlfriend liked a coat, and opened the label to see that it was 8688 yuan. The cousin's girlfriend was particularly sensible, knowing that the cousin did not have much money, turned to him and said, "Since I kneel like this, I will not buy it." ”

9, my sister's birthday is the Mid-Autumn Festival, the day is more special, so I will always remember. Today my daughter-in-law said to me: I want to buy a Chanel bag online for my sister, it is almost her birthday. Me: Buy it, do you want to buy one too? The daughter-in-law shook her head: Not for the time being. I was relieved that my daughter-in-law was finally more frugal. Two days later, the courier was delivered. The daughter-in-law tore open the courier and took the bag to look at it repeatedly: Well, the style is very good, then I also want to buy one.

10, the pregnant wife is not making a fuss about drinking Starbucks lattes, I immediately went out to buy. When I got to the Starbucks store, I asked the waiter, "How much is a latte?" Waiter: "58 yuan!" I asked, "Why is it $46 in London, $35 in Chicago, and $28 in Mumbai?" The waiter calmly replied: "China's house prices are more expensive than foreign countries, cars, gasoline, Internet access, taxes are more expensive than foreign countries, why can't lattes?" At this time, I was dumbfounded, and a group of people in the back urged me: "Buy or not?" If you can't afford it, just roll..."

11. After returning home from work, I parked the car directly in the parking lot below. When I first wanted to leave, I found that the neighbor sister also drove in, and she did not turn the car into the car several times. I couldn't take it anymore and said, "I'll help you." With a look of embarrassment on her face, she smiled shyly and said: "Are you going to go to the left a little bit?" So I moved to the left, and the P-strand of her car slammed straight up against me. Sister, do you want me to point to the left to make it easier to aim?

#Funny##Funny#Funny##搞笑一刻 #